Venting Idk what to do now

[FailureToAll]

I fail repeatedly at partial. But it seems like my only option. I don't have supplies or money for other options. I don't have an anchor or the guts for full suspension. I've lost most hope but there's still that tiny bit that stops me committing. For silly reasons like I want to read x book or do x in a game etc. I don't have any hope for a real future and being a proper functioning adult. But there's still things I'd be sad to leave behind. I also feel guilty to family and pets. But I need to kms. I'm about to be taken to court for debt. I never leave the house. I dont socialise. My anxiety is so bad. When I vent to my friends about the debt they don't get it. They don't get that the debt itself isn't my fear. Idc if my house gets repossessed. I rent it out while I stay with family anyway. I just can't face the people. I can't face my families disappointment. I can't face the consequences. I'm so ashamed. I caused all my debt for stupid reasons. And it's not my first time. I'm too anxious to find a job. Even if I did manage to ask family for help again I dont have the means to pay them back. I'm an awful person. I probably deserve to fail at dying bcuz I'm supposed to face the consequences of my actions. But I'm so scared and embarrassed. I want to run away and hide. Why can't I just manage to die. I hate myself. I consistently fuck up. I wish I had SN or a gun or a tall building. Although I'd still probably fail even if I had any of those

 

[Roseate]

Do you need to talk? It sounds awful what you're going through. Have you tried Medicaid if you live in the states? If you can get approved, it would be great to try anxiety meds and that would help you feel less anxious and make it more manageable for you to work or apply for disability.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Where do you live? Do you not have bankruptcy, or equivalent, available to you?

 

[FailureToAll]

Where do you live? Do you not have bankruptcy, or equivalent, available to you?

In the UK. Probably. More so just too anxious to discuss it with anyone. Dying seems less scary than doing that. Ik it's rlly pathetic of me and I'm going to have to face it anyway since I keep failing though

 

[mrtime87]

A partial won't work unless you can pass out. After my own attempts I can tell you it won't work.

I know there are recent celebrities who have done this, but those are rare.

 

[FailureToAll]

Do you need to talk? It sounds awful what you're going through. Have you tried Medicaid if you live in the states? If you can get approved, it would be great to try anxiety meds and that would help you feel less anxious and make it more manageable for you to work or apply for disability.

Ty for asking but I don't think talking will help that much. I live in the UK not the states. I've been on meds in the past but never found anything that helped. I was supposed to be trying a new type but I was discharged by my psychiatrist for missing an appt and ignoring calls bcuz I was too anxious. I seem to self sabotage in every aspect of life. If only I'd just go all the way and ctb

 

[Roseate]

Ty for asking but I don't think talking will help that much. I live in the UK not the states. I've been on meds in the past but never found anything that helped. I was supposed to be trying a new type but I was discharged by my psychiatrist for missing an appt and ignoring calls bcuz I was too anxious. I seem to self sabotage in every aspect of life. If only I'd just go all the way and ctb

Have you tried some techniques outside of meds for your anxiety? The mindfulness worked for me and there are some natural remedies for anxiety that helps me. Maybe try researching them if you can.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

In the UK. Probably. More so just too anxious to discuss it with anyone. Dying seems less scary than doing that. Ik it's rlly pathetic of me and I'm going to have to face it anyway since I keep failing though

Could be a fresh start for you. A 2nd chance. Sometimes that's all that's needed.

 

[FailureToAll]

Have you tried some techniques outside of meds for your anxiety? The mindfulness worked for me and there are some natural remedies for anxiety that helps me. Maybe try researching them if you can.

Tried a few but never really stuck to anything. I should research and try new things or try more consistency. Thanks for the suggestions!