My birthday is coming up and my life keeps getting massively worse quicker. Between the social stigma of being autistic, the fact that I am basically forever lonely, the fact I live in what feels like a crazy house thanks due to my sisters abuse and drinking and how on her good days I get yelled at for trying to avoid her because a split second is all it takes for her to go off, the fact I've tried my hardest to get a career where I'm not working until I'm 90 and yet I only deal with rejection or fired, the fact of everything else. I'm just so sick of things. I wanted to wait until next year, but at this point I can't. At this point I most likely will be dead in a few months.
While there is some mistakes I've made in the past that could've pulled me out of this. Those mistakes is stupid things like not investing into crypto a long time ago, or how I aim to get in the military but failed to know they don't accept autistic people. So if there is a God and this is his plan. Fuck them. If I wasn't autistic, I could've at least been away from this hell hole and know within 20 years of when I got in I could retire and live a life I want. I could've at least not have a drug addict drunk sister in my life. I could at least been dead years ago from natural causes which would've spared me the needless pain.
While there is some mistakes I've made in the past that could've pulled me out of this. Those mistakes is stupid things like not investing into crypto a long time ago, or how I aim to get in the military but failed to know they don't accept autistic people. So if there is a God and this is his plan. Fuck them. If I wasn't autistic, I could've at least been away from this hell hole and know within 20 years of when I got in I could retire and live a life I want. I could've at least not have a drug addict drunk sister in my life. I could at least been dead years ago from natural causes which would've spared me the needless pain.
