I'd love to go straight to CTB... also have 2 methods - but...

[Galaxie76]

Hello everyone,

I wanted to give life one last chance and was disappointed again.... Now I want to finish everything as soon as possible. To do this, I have 2 methods to choose from.

At the first, I wanted to take 10 grams of amitriptyline and 24 grams of propranolol. I know it would work, but I can't order the missing 5 grams of Ami from the online clinic yet. I tried it and got the answer that I should first use up the pack I have.Therefore I would have to wait another 1 1/2 months with CTB. But I don't know if I can wait that long - even if it would be the most sensible thing to do. I feel so bad and disappointed. I could also try it with the 5 grams of Ami and the 24 grams of Propra, but it's just too unsafe for me

The 2nd option would be to drown myself in a large river near me with a lot of alcohol beforehand. It would be safe, since almost all people who fall into it drown. But in my research on this, I have a lot of conflicting statements about how painful it would be and that puts me off a bit.

I've also thought about partial hanging... But it sounds so complicated and you have to pay so much attention to it that I don't think you can do it. Also, I can't find the sweet point.
Getting SN is not possible for me in my country.

It's so frustrating... I really want to go, but I also want it not to be so cruel and above all safe... Maybe I'll soon be so desperate that I prefer the river so I don't have to wait any longer...
I'll try to wait until I get the missing ami. But it's going to be hard. Or do you think 5 grams of Ami with propranolol would be enough? What do you think?

Sorry for my bad English. I use Google Translate

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Sorry what you have to go through is so awful and it's so incredibly and unnecessarily made difficult to leave this world. I personally think drowning is too cruel and also not following the minimum researched amounts of substances that lead to a success in most cases should not be changed. This can and probably will end up in a new desastser for you.

It's so inhumane how difficult it is to just leave this world.

 

[Galaxie76]

Sorry what you have to go through is so awful and it's so incredibly and unnecessarily made difficult to leave this world. I personally think drowning is too cruel and also not following the minimum researched amounts of substances that lead to a success in most cases should not be changed. This can and probably will end up in a new desastser for you.

It's so inhumane how difficult it is to just leave this world.

Thank you for the lovely answer... My feeling also tells me that I should wait until I get the missing Ami. The threads that got me the method used 7.5-9 grams, but I think since I weigh more I need 10 to be sure. The Amitriptyline guide also lists 10 grams as the lethal dose. However, I also have the Propra...but I still have to make sure that it works.But it's really hard to wait... And when I have it, I have to wait for the right moment to really be undisturbed.
I really wanted to give life one last chance... but I can see the result... maybe the waiting time will show that there is still hope for me - but it will very likely only be disappointed again... The feeling of wanting to leave and not being able to (yet) really is just terrible.

If I knew for sure that drowning is bad for just a very brief moment, I would still be doing it today...

 

[Praestat_Mori]

The time to wait may be so hard and painful, but a failed attempt and when it results in physical damage and more physical health problems this will even be more painful. I hope you can foind the strenth you need to wait until everything is "perfect" to minimize failure risks should this be your true desire!

The feeling of wanting to leave and not being able to (yet) really is just terrible.

I can relate to it insome ways.

 

[Galaxie76]

I can relate to it insome ways.

And how do you deal with it?

I know...rushing everything and then waking up with brain or organ damage would be awful for me...so there's no other option but to wait.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

And how do you deal with it?

I'm sure that our personal situations/ reasons are very different. As much as I want to leave there's still some kind of "hope" left here (perhaps too much). And that always kept me off from CTBing. At some points I'm angry at myself because I didn't do it when I had the best chances. Currently it's a very weird feeling because even ctb thoughts are fading away although my personal overall situation hasn't changed, at least not in the way I would say it's really a positive experience that justifies less ctb thoughts. It doesn't actually bother me so much right now as I don't really care about most things. I don't know whether this really helps you or not but things are still weired here and I have to sort them though I still prefer CTB in fear of much worse situations in the future.