Venting "I'd kill myself if that were me"

[lachrymost]

A frequent thought that devastates me is how many would rather kill themselves than have my life. Yet I'm expected to live through it anyway. (No, I don't want to get into the details but I'm disabled, can't work, have insurmountable medical shit, etc. and mental health treatment has only made everything worse.) How the fuck are you supposed to deal with that? That a significant amount of people look at you and think, "Thank God that's not me. I would kill myself if that were me." Game over.

Before shit really hit the fan for me this last year and a bit, I knew people were appalled by my quality of life because they would say so. Overall I still wanted to live, and my deficiencies had been there the whole time, so I was used to it. I even started to accept my limitations, but then, you know--shit got even worse. Now I'm the one looking at myself and going, "Fuck, I would kill myself if that were me."

 

[No longer suicidal😁]

I have a similar thought about my life. One can only handle so much before it becomes unbearable.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry for you. It's appaling that some people get so much to deal with in life. I agree- there shouldn't be an expectation that anyone should have to put up with it.

I suppose I'm the other extreme to be honest. I can understand if that would come across as very spoilt and ungrateful. I don't honestly think I'd want to live in anyone else's shoes now- even those who have it better than me. Rekon I'd still find things to hate!

I KNOW I wouldn't be able to handle constant physical pain though. I hope you are able to find peace and relief from it- whatever your decision.

 

[Pluto]

I'm in the habit of keeping details of my life situation withheld, even if it leaves glaring silence. Most people will have some amount of family disagreements, quality of life limitations or health challenges. But when a threshold is crossed, their likely response is going to be horror or pity, neither of which is desirable to one wanting to feel relatable.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

A frequent thought that devastates me is how many would rather kill themselves than have my life. Yet I'm expected to live through it anyway. (No, I don't want to get into the details but I'm disabled, can't work, have insurmountable medical shit, etc. and mental health treatment has only made everything worse.) How the fuck are you supposed to deal with that? That a significant amount of people look at you and think, "Thank God that's not me. I would kill myself if that were me." Game over.

Before shit really hit the fan for me this last year and a bit, I knew people were appalled by my quality of life because they would say so. Overall I still wanted to live, and my deficiencies had been there the whole time, so I was used to it. I even started to accept my limitations, but then, you know--shit got even worse. Now I'm the one looking at myself and going, "Fuck, I would kill myself if that were me."

People only encourage you to live despite hating your quality of life because they have a savior complex. They're fine with that kind of quality of life existing as long as it isn't their problem.

 

[chocolatebar]

, "Thank God that's not me. I would kill myself if that were me."

It's even worse when the ones who judge us forbeing suicidal wouldn't last a single year of our lives

 

[FuneralCry]

I've always hated the pro suffering view that life must be prolonged at all costs even if we are being tortured to such an extreme extent. Life should be seen as a choice rather than being something that we are expected to endure no matter what. But it's really horrific how in this world there is no limit as to how much we can suffer, of course the reality is that what we experience can get much worse beyond how we can even imagine it to. No wonder so many wish to ctb in this world, at least to me none of this could ever be worth it.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Everyone's on the lookout for reasons to feel superior.

 

[Thisisme373]

I feel what you are saying, I relate. I know for a fact most people in my situation would kill themselves. I know if someone who is "ok" swapped lives with me they'd weep desperately & kill themselves. Every day I'm living in hell. It never ends.

It's even worse when the ones who judge us forbeing suicidal wouldn't last a single year of our lives

Exactly

 

[peaches]

A frequent thought that devastates me is how many would rather kill themselves than have my life. Yet I'm expected to live through it anyway. (No, I don't want to get into the details but I'm disabled, can't work, have insurmountable medical shit, etc. and mental health treatment has only made everything worse.) How the fuck are you supposed to deal with that? That a significant amount of people look at you and think, "Thank God that's not me. I would kill myself if that were me." Game over.

Before shit really hit the fan for me this last year and a bit, I knew people were appalled by my quality of life because they would say so. Overall I still wanted to live, and my deficiencies had been there the whole time, so I was used to it. I even started to accept my limitations, but then, you know--shit got even worse. Now I'm the one looking at myself and going, "Fuck, I would kill myself if that were me."

Hi,
For different reasons, I have ALWAYS felt that if anyone woke up tomorrow feeling like I do, with my physical and emotional history, they wouldn't last 10 minutes as me.

 

[LastFlowers]

A frequent thought that devastates me is how many would rather kill themselves than have my life. Yet I'm expected to live through it anyway. (No, I don't want to get into the details but I'm disabled, can't work, have insurmountable medical shit, etc. and mental health treatment has only made everything worse.) How the fuck are you supposed to deal with that? That a significant amount of people look at you and think, "Thank God that's not me. I would kill myself if that were me." Game over.

Before shit really hit the fan for me this last year and a bit, I knew people were appalled by my quality of life because they would say so. Overall I still wanted to live, and my deficiencies had been there the whole time, so I was used to it. I even started to accept my limitations, but then, you know--shit got even worse. Now I'm the one looking at myself and going, "Fuck, I would kill myself if that were me."

I've had people make that statement simply after looking at me.
Also have had it said or implied by others in more ways than one.
You want to know the best part?
They're the same people who will/have dismissed my right to acknowledge and feel anger toward my own struggle and circumstances if I'm the one who brings it up or asserts the despair.

Sorry you have to deal with similar.
Very demoralizing.

People only encourage you to live despite hating your quality of life because they have a savior complex. They're fine with that kind of quality of life existing as long as it isn't their problem.

Yup.
People also seem to think it's helpful to tell victims of certain situations that other people "don't care" in the sense that said other people are not going to be bothered by your pain or characteristics when interacting with you, so why worry about it yourself…

To that I say- Well of course they "don't care", it's not their life, not their situation.
They can get up and walk away.
They're merely an observer with full power and freedom to remove themselves from the situation at their soonest convenience.

Trust me, they're taking in the situation and making judgements, but yea..they "don't care" because it hardly affects them.

It's even worse when the ones who judge us forbeing suicidal wouldn't last a single year of our lives

Not even a fucking day, if they thought for one second that it was permanent.

 

[Obliviate]

I have a similar thought about my life. One can only handle so much before it becomes unbearable.

Fucking Exactly. I've had someone say the same to me "You're so brave, I would have ended it" things like that and I'm like oh honey you don't even know lol. But yeah there's only so much a human can take before our head explodes and society still expects us to exceed all odds and obstacles to continue being "strong" and "fight" while simultaneously doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO HELP.

 

[Simurgh]

A frequent thought that devastates me is how many would rather kill themselves than have my life. Yet I'm expected to live through it anyway. (No, I don't want to get into the details but I'm disabled, can't work, have insurmountable medical shit, etc. and mental health treatment has only made everything worse.) How the fuck are you supposed to deal with that? That a significant amount of people look at you and think, "Thank God that's not me. I would kill myself if that were me." Game over.

Before shit really hit the fan for me this last year and a bit, I knew people were appalled by my quality of life because they would say so. Overall I still wanted to live, and my deficiencies had been there the whole time, so I was used to it. I even started to accept my limitations, but then, you know--shit got even worse. Now I'm the one looking at myself and going, "Fuck, I would kill myself if that were me."

Yeah, I grew up with a lot of trauma/abuse mental health issues, undiagnosed learning disabilities ect.

The usual kind of shit for people on this forum.

I remember, years and years ago, having a conversation with a friend about how if I were physically disabled on top of all of that I would straight up end it.

Well.

Guess whose chronic illness has progressed to the point of making life unbearable lmao.

Ya'll are right, those fuckers wouldn't last five minutes.

And we're supposed to do what? Stick around so they don't have to feel uncomfortable about our deaths? Fuck that.