Venting I won't CTB

[WornOutLife]

I've decided that I won't CTB (for now).
My depression is kicking my ass everyday but I've had enough. I just don't have the guts to kill myself so what are the other choices? Crying all day long like a baby? No sir, thanks.

I've had enough. I'm gonna keep on living and try to deal with this sadness, anxiety and depression somehow.

Sure, I've had some alcohol and feel like I can win any battle right now but...these are my true feelings.

Still, I won't leave SS. I'll try to provide as much advice and keep on posting as much stuff as I can but I think I won't be "gone" for a looooong time.

Thanks for reading my venting,

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Any interesting alcohol you'd recommend?

 

[WornOutLife]

Any interesting alcohol you'd recommend?

I just love champagne. As long as it's EXTRA BRUT, it'll work lol

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I just love champagne. As long as it's EXTRA BRUT, it'll work lol

Nice, I've only drunk it a few times and it's definitely tasty. For me it's whisky and beer since I'm a manufactured drone without individuality.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Gooood to hear nya, wishing you best of luck with this quest. It's not easy but being able to really say that you want to try is a large step on its own.

 

[hoffnungstod]

All the best with your decision ^^

 

[Amumu]

Same bro, probably meds for a few years and then probably ctb for me
Good luck

 

[hendry]

Great brother, in fact, I will do the same, as much as I think there are many things for which I can't die yet. He took two years without doing anything and hating me, it's a time of great effort.
PS: I've not drunk alcohol. or maybe?

 

[WornOutLife]

Great brother, in fact, I will do the same, as much as I think there are many things for which I can't die yet. He took two years without doing anything and hating me, it's a time of great effort.
PS: I've not drunk alcohol. or maybe?

Alcohol can go to hell! The BIG idea is what really matters. Do we wanna live or CTB? It's that simple.
I want to CTB but don't have the guts to do so, so.... what other choice do I have left? LIVING i guess!
i'm gonna give life a shot...this will be hell I bet but it is what it is lol

 

[NothingElseMatters]

I'm happy for you, you seem like a nice person. Unfortunately, I am not able to move on.

 

[JayDog]

Wish you luck and all the best amigo. You deserve it!
Glad you will stay here.

 

[paininme]

I wish you all the luck I hope you find the happiness you deserve

 

[ashedout]

You're very kind to want to stay on SS and provide support to everyone!

 

[Symbiote]

If you need any advice on living and such or just vent at things, you know where to post :D

 

[Shadowrider]

I really like your attitude! You seem to be a very brave and honest person. I especially like that you don't say you are cured, you don't say you beat depression or anything in that direction but still you decided to stay alive. I think this needs as much courage as acting against your survival instincts would.

 

[aneurysm]

Sounds terrifying but good luck! Update us on how things go for you

 

[wunschtraum]

it is a good decision!
find the truth about your being on earth...

 

[WornOutLife]

it is a good decision!
find the truth about your being on earth...

If I happen to find that truth, I'll tell you about it so that you can find it too! lol

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

I'm in a similar position. I don't have the guts to ctb yet, however I am living as if I'm actually going to ctb (like gain lots of weight bc I thought I'll be gone soon and stop taking care of my health drastically) but I am certain I don't have the guts and won't be doing it soon. I need to find a way to cope with my illness and try and start eating healthy to stop the weight gain. I will give myself 4 years of "living" after that I'll maybe think of ctb.

thanks for posting. It help me realize I can't be living "in between" life and death. I need to commit to one and ctb isn't something I am ready to commit atm.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

I'll say this is the part where I'll call you... "Guts"... a man who struggles, but doesn't give up, no matter how bad his misfortunes become. I wish you luck!

 

[watchingthewheels]

I want to CTB but don't have the guts to do so, so.... what other choice do I have left? LIVING i guess!

Reminds me of a song by Van der Graaf Generator, "Lemmings":

"There is no escape except to go forward/
Don't ask us for an answer now/
It's far too late to bow to that convention/
What course is there left but to die?/"

to

"Look to the why and where we are/
Look to yourselves and the stars and in the end/
What choice is there left but to live/
In the hope of saving/
Our children's children's little ones?/

What choice is there left but to try?"

 

[fred farkle]

I have confidence in you!