Venting I won't amount to anything

[BaconCheeseburger]

I'm just tired. I'm not making an effort in work because I'd rather just do the minimum to get by and go home. My colleagues are working hard and getting rewarded. One has passed her driving test and has been nominated for an end of year company award, the other has just gotten engaged (not work related but still), and another got a new job above us and gets great pay.

I just feel like I can't be bothered to stride to achieve anything. I wanna achieve death?

I just want to be small and invisible and get by with little to no fuss made about me. Birthday is coming up and I don't want a fuss about that either, just want to get through the day.

Just wanna get through each day quietly until I can hang myself, quietly.

 

[Daystavro]

It's your life.
Only you know if you have power to invest in that job.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

Right now I couldn't give a shit, and I have an urge to ask my manager after Christmas if I can go back down to a lower hour contract and let someone else take mine. It's only a four hour difference but the less time I spend here the better.

 

[Daystavro]

Right now I couldn't give a shit, and I have an urge to ask my manager after Christmas if I can go back down to a lower hour contract and let someone else take mine. It's only a four hour difference but the less time I spend here the better.

I see.
I can relate to that.
In every job I worked at, I hated it and literally counted the time till I could go back home.
Because I hate being around people.
They laugh at me and bully me.

Well, if you can handle the reduction in money than do what's best for you.

 

[Nofaith]

I went through a similar phase. Back then ctb wasn't on the table. Only because I was too lethargic to seriously research a successful method. Then the manic episodes filled in the rest.

It's hard when you have no direction in the first place. You combine that with depression and you're pretty much doomed.

You're getting through it day by day, which is the best anyone can do.

 

[TAW122]

I too won't really amount to much either. I've pretty much concluded that I've wasted my efforts and time in earning a college degree and even an advanced degree (just to put up a front and so people around me won't give me shitstorms for doing nothing). All I have to show for it is a mountain of debt (I owe more than $30K and with the interest rate and shit, it's gonna be more) that I don't forsee paying that off (or until I'm like 50-60 years of age - near retirement age). While the major I'm in (Comp Sci and later Software Eng) are STEM fields, the whole IT is hot thing is overrated and overexacerbated, yet people still buy into the IT is hot hurr durr bullshit (not even gonna waste my energy/time to argue with them - not worth it, but that's another story). I cannot even find let alone land a job in my field, so I'd be lucky to even get a minimum wage or shitty low pay job just to make ends meet.

I've pretty much accepted that if I am to survive and not be homeless and in poverty, I'd have to take up min-wage jobs and just barely scrape by. Even then, I'd still rather just die than to barely scrape by. This vicious cycle of poverty, mountains of debt, and the wage slaving grind just makes me want to die even more.

 

[lv-gras]

you don't have to amount to anything, imo