I know it's awful but I wish I could find someone. Anyone. Someone who'd want to kidnap me and kill me, at least then my life would be worth something in the end. If anyone would want to do that, at least they'd get something out of it and I'd finally get to leave this world without going back and forth with my cowardly-self trying to ctb on my own.
Reactions:
Euthanza, SAI1234, Life_and_Death and 11 others
I would suggest getting a partner. I'm not sure how well the partners mega thread works out but im trying it out myself. maybe some encouragement and understanding will help you seek that end goal.
I wish you the best, if you ever need to talk, message me.
Reactions:
Euthanza, befree, Klophy and 1 other person
I know it's awful but I wish I could find someone. Anyone. Someone who'd want to kidnap me and kill me, at least then my life would be worth something in the end. If anyone would want to do that, at least they'd get something out of it and I'd finally get to leave this world without going back and forth with my cowardly-self trying to ctb on my own.
It's sad that some of us are so desperate to leave, but can't because we're afraid to do it, that we want some psycho to do it for us. The only reason I wouldn't want that is because it more than likely wouldn't be peaceful, and depending on who it is, they might do worse things to me than kill me, thus prolonging my suffering.
It would be much better if a physician could do it for me at a euthanasia clinic by hooking me up to an IV and pumping me full of pentobarbital. That would be ideal.
Reactions:
AloneInCollege, Euthanza, LifeHasNoOptIn and 2 others
It's sad that some of us are so desperate to leave, but can't because we're afraid to do it, that we want some psycho to do it for us. The only reason I wouldn't want that is because it more than likely wouldn't be peaceful, and depending on who it is, they might do worse things to me than kill me, thus prolonging my suffering.
It would be much better if a physician could do it for me at a euthanasia clinic by hooking me up to an IV and pumping me full of pentobarbital. That would be ideal.
It's kind of sick but I almost crave for someone to hurt me because I know I deserve it. I hate myself so much and if I had the opportunity to have someone do harm to me, I'd let them as long as they'd eventually kill me. I just can't seem to want to do it myself, that damn survival instinct kicks in so quick whenever I try to take matters into my own hands. I think for me it'd just be easier if I let someone have free rein
Reactions:
AloneInCollege, Un- and Lost in a Dream
It's kind of sick but I almost crave for someone to hurt me because I know I deserve it. I hate myself so much and if I had the opportunity to have someone do harm to me, I'd let them as long as they'd eventually kill me. I just can't seem to want to do it myself, that damn survival instinct kicks in so quick whenever I try to take matters into my own hands. I think for me it'd just be easier if I let someone have free rein
I, too, feel this same exact way. I don't care about having a peaceful death. I'd pay a large sum of money to have someone shoot me and whatever they do before they kill me, so be it. I absolutely deserve it.
Reactions:
Deleted member 8975, AloneInCollege, Euthanza and 1 other person
I wish I could get someone to shoot me. Like how Terry Bellefleur in Trueblood got his sniper buddy from the marines to surprise kill him so he wasn't expecting it and dread it or change his mind... I haven't watched that episode sense it aired in 2013 but I remember it vividly. I wholeheartedly WISH I was able to have that option....
Basically, this comic (apologies for the dark humor).
I've thought about it too but they have no obligation to kill you painlessly, or even kill you. Why risk a murder charge when they can just as well merely disable you instead and take what they want. If only there was honor among thieves, I could have taken a walk at midnight in the shady parts of the city a while ago lol.
Reactions:
Deleted member 31858, AloneInCollege, Euthanza and 2 others
I would like to be euthanised personally. If that was to happen, then there is no chance of the method failing and I would not have to research methods in the first place. It does sound awful being murdered, but I understand the feeling of being desperate to leave and wishing that something would kill me so I do not have to ctb. Suicide really is so difficult after all and being gone from this world is all that I want. I'm sorry that you are in so much pain to get to this point.
Reactions:
AloneInCollege, Euthanza and sapphoslastpoem
I know it's awful but I wish I could find someone. Anyone. Someone who'd want to kidnap me and kill me, at least then my life would be worth something in the end. If anyone would want to do that, at least they'd get something out of it and I'd finally get to leave this world without going back and forth with my cowardly-self trying to ctb on my own.
As much as you suffer I recommend you not to say these things publicly, I still remember the damn 90's and 2000's where the "snuff movies" became quite popular and several people I knew in my Institute or in learning courses spoke doubting if the images they saw could be true or not (and they said it laughing).
Please, I repeat, none of you deserve at all to be captured to make of you what they want to do with you beyond what you are able to imagine, you have already suffered too much to discover too late that you could suffer even much more without them wanting to alleviate your suffering at all until they consider it sellable on the black market.
Suicide is a personal decision for which it is necessary to be prepared, if you are not prepared don't let someone else enjoy your death as they see fit for their own interests.
We are not merchandise! we are people.
Note: I have not written about hired killers, but about those people who, taking advantage of the thread, could capture you to make real their most lurid and macabre atrocities of their imagination.
//
Per molt que patiu us recomano no dir aquestes coses públicament, encara m'enrecordo dels maleïts anys 90 i 2000 on es van popularitzar bastant les "snuff movies" i diverses persones conegudes al meu Institut o a cursos d'aprenantatge en parlaven dubtant si podíen ser del cert o no les imatges que veien (i ho deien rient-se).
Si us plau, repeteixo, cap de vosaltres mereix en absolut que us captin per fer de vosaltres el que vulguin més enllà del que sou capaços d'imaginar, heu ja patit massa com per descubrir massa tard que podrieu patir encara molt més sense que us vulguessin alleugir en absolut el vostre patiment fins que ho consideressin vendible al mercat negre.
El suïcidi és una decisió personal per la qual cal estar preparat, si no ho estàs no deixis que un altre gaudeixi de la teva mort com li sembli més adient pels seus propis interessos.
No sóm mercaderia! sóm persones.
Nota: No he parlat dels assassins a sou, sinó d'aquelles persones que aprofitant el fil us podrien captar per fer realitat les seves atrocitats més escabroses i macabres que li permeti la seva imaginació.
Reactions:
Callie Arcale, Smart No More and Lost in a Dream
As much as you suffer I recommend you not to say these things publicly, I still remember the damn 90's and 2000's where the "snuff movies" became quite popular and several people I knew in my Institute or in learning courses spoke doubting if the images they saw could be true or not (and they said it laughing).
Please, I repeat, none of you deserve at all to be captured to make of you what they want to do with you beyond what you are able to imagine, you have already suffered too much to discover too late that you could suffer even much more without them wanting to alleviate your suffering at all until they consider it sellable on the black market.
Suicide is a personal decision for which it is necessary to be prepared, if you are not prepared don't let someone else enjoy your death as they see fit for their own interests.
We are not merchandise! we are people.
Note: I have not written about hired killers, but about those people who, taking advantage of the thread, could capture you to make real their most lurid and macabre atrocities of their imagination.
//
Per molt que patiu us recomano no dir aquestes coses públicament, encara m'enrecordo dels maleïts anys 90 i 2000 on es van popularitzar bastant les "snuff movies" i diverses persones conegudes al meu Institut o a cursos d'aprenantatge en parlaven dubtant si podíen ser del cert o no les imatges que veien (i ho deien rient-se).
Si us plau, repeteixo, cap de vosaltres mereix en absolut que us captin per fer de vosaltres el que vulguin més enllà del que sou capaços d'imaginar, heu ja patit massa com per descubrir massa tard que podrieu patir encara molt més sense que us vulguessin alleugir en absolut el vostre patiment fins que ho consideressin vendible al mercat negre.
El suïcidi és una decisió personal per la qual cal estar preparat, si no ho estàs no deixis que un altre gaudeixi de la teva mort com li sembli més adient pels seus propis interessos.
No sóm mercaderia! sóm persones.
Nota: No he parlat dels assassins a sou, sinó d'aquelles persones que aprofitant el fil us podrien captar per fer realitat les seves atrocitats més escabroses i macabres que li permeti la seva imaginació.
I appreciate the kind words but I do deserve it. Truly. My entire existence in this life hasn't been worth shit, lots of people hate me, I hate myself. I really don't deserve much else besides my life ending in some brutal way, at the hands of someone else. I don't feel like a human being anymore, I feel like scum.
If I had the courage to, I would've already done it myself but my brain's inherent need to survive always takes over.
I appreciate the kind words but I do deserve it. Truly. My entire existence in this life hasn't been worth shit, lots of people hate me, I hate myself. I really don't deserve much else besides my life ending in some brutal way, at the hands of someone else. I don't feel like a human being anymore, I feel like scum.
If I had the courage to, I would've already done it myself but my brain's inherent need to survive always takes over.
What do you have to explain to me about the feelings of guilt that take root in the mind, if I am in the process of self-destruction?
I only ask you not to let yourself be carried away too much by these feelings, always keeping a corner of your mind clean, alert, conscious,... so that at least you know how to discern when at a given moment someone wants to take advantage of you, always excusing himself in your disposition or consent to act on you as it is convenient for that person.
I tell you seriously, suicide has nothing to do with what you propose.
Life is a fucking shit and relationships with other people can complicate it much more to make it unbearable and unsustainable ... at this point you have to make a stop and make a reflection that makes us take the path we want (including suicide), but in no way should you delegate your responsibility for you to people who will only make you discover new ways to suffer to make money at your expense.
We want to hurt ourselves, I often hurt myself... seen from the inside we are like tangled or entangled in a web of wires with spikes that seem to cling more and more to our bodies and pierce our skin until they hurt our flesh.... and on top of that we feel lonely not being able to share this experience with anyone, and misunderstood and angry and heartbreaking with the people around us, we push them away from us hurting them and making them not want to come close to us anymore, or at least trying with all our anger while we cry inside and self-consume ourselves in our putrefied essence.
It's a cycle that keeps feeding back on what little energy we have left in an eternal agony that never ends. I have learned to stop or slow it down because I value very much the fact of being fully aware of what is happening to me in order to find one day an optimal solution (which unfortunately does not imply re-establishing the damaged social connections with other people... it seems to me an immense task).
And from there comes my strong feeling of guilt that sometimes leads me to think things similar to yours, but do you really think I deserve it? I ask you, do you think I deserve it? to suffer even more at the hands of people who really don't give a shit about me... just the opposite of the people I've hurt. Do I really deserve it?
Well, I think the same thing when I read you, that you don't deserve it, no matter how much guilt and incomprehension others have for your situation.
Suicide should be respectful of yourself, a serene and lucid way to end your life, not a final blow that becomes the summum of the maximum suffering that can reach a person in the hands of another.
Please give it some thought.
Que debes explicarme a mí de los sentimientos de culpa que arraigan en la mente, si precisamente yo estoy en pleno proceso de autodestrucción...
Sólo te pido que no te dejes llevar mucho por estos sentimientos, manteniendo siempre un rincón de tu mente limpio, alerta, consciente,... para que al menos sepas discernir cuando en un momento dado alguien se quiera aprovechar de ti, excusándose siempre en tu disposición o consentimiento para que actúe sobre ti cómo le convenga a esa persona.
Te lo digo en serio, el suicidio no tiene nada que ver con lo que propones.
La vida es una puñetera mierda y las relaciones con otras personas pueden complicarla mucho más hasta hacerla insoportable e insostenible... llegado a este punto hay que hacer una parada y hacer una reflexión que nos haga tomar el camino que queremos (incluido el suicidio), pero en modo alguno debes delegar tu responsabilidad sobre ti a personas que sólo te harán descubrir nuevas formas de sufrir para hacer dinero a tu costa.
Nos queremos hacer daño, yo me hago daño a menudo... visto desde dentro estamos como enmarañados o enredados en unas telarañas de alambres con pinchos que parece que cada vez se nos aferran más al cuerpo y nos atraviesan la piel hasta herirnos la carne... y encima nos sentimos solos al no poder compartir esta experiencia con nadie, e incomprendidos y rabiosos y desgarradores con la gente de alrededor, les alejamos de nosotros haciéndoles daño y haciendo que no quieran acercarse a nosotros nunca más , o al menos intentándolo con toda nuestra ira mientras lloramos por dentro y nos autoconsumimos en nuestra esencia putrefacta.
Es un ciclo que no para de retroalimentarse con la poca energía que nos queda en una eterna agonía que nunca acaba. Yo he aprendido a pararlo o ralentizarlo porque valoro mucho el hecho de ser plenamente consciente de lo que me pasa por encontrar algún día una solución óptima (que desgraciadamente no implica reestablecer las conexiones sociales dañadas con otras personas). .. me parece una tarea inmensa).
Y de ahí sale mi fuerte sentimiento de culpa que a veces me lleva a pensar cosas parecidas a las tuyas, pero ¿de verdad crees que me lo merezco? ¿Te lo pregunto a ti, crees que me lo merezco? sufrir aún más en manos de gente a quienes les importo realmente una mierda... justo al contrario que la gente a la que he hecho daño. ¿De verdad me lo merezco?.
Pues pienso lo mismo cuando te leo, que no te lo mereces por mucho que te pueda la culpa y la incomprensión de los demás hacia tu situación.
El suicidio debe ser respetuoso contigo mismo, una forma serena y lúcida de acabar con tu vida, no una traca final que se convierte en el summum del sufrimiento máximo que puede alcanzar una persona en manos de otra.
Piensa en ello un poco por favor.
Que m'has d'explicar a mi dels sentiments de culpa que arrelen a la ment, si precisament jo estic en ple procés d'autodestrucció...
Només et demano que no et deixis portar gaire per aquests sentiments, mantenint sempre un racó de la teva ment net, alerta, conscient,... perquè al menys sàpigues discernir quan en un moment donat algú es vulgui aprofitar de tu, excusant-se sempre en la teva disposició o consentiment perquè actuii sobre tu com li convingui a aquesta persona.
T'ho dic de debó, el suïcidi no te rés a veure amb el que proposes.
La vida és una punyetera merda i les relacions amb d'altres persones la poden complicar molt més fins a fer-la insuportable i insostenible... arribat a aquest punt cal fer una parada i fer una reflexió que ens faci prendre el camí que volem (inclòs el suïcidi), però de cap manera has de delegar la teva responsabilitat sobre tu a persones que només et farán descubrir noves formes de patir per fer diners a costa teva.
Ens volem fer mal, jo em faig mal sovint... vist desde dins estem com enmarenyats o enredats en unes teranyines de filferros amb punxes que sembla que cada cop s'ens aferren més al cos i ens atravessen la pell fins ferir-nos la carn... i a sobre ens sentim sols al no poder compartir aquesta experiència amb ningú, i incompresos i rabiosos i punyents amb la gent del voltant, els allunyem de nosaltres fent-los mal i fent que no vulguin apropar-se a nosaltres mai mes, o al menys intentant-ho amb tota la nostra ira mentres plorem per dins i ens autoconsumim en la nostra esséncia putrefacta.
És un cicle que no para de retroalimentar-se amb la poca energía que ens queda en una eterna agonía que no s'acaba mai. Jo he aprés a para-ho o ralentitzar-ho perquè valoro molt el fet de ser plenament conscient del que em passa per poder trobar algún día una sol·lució óptima (que malauradament no implica reestablir les connexions socials malmeses mab d'altres persones... em sembla una tasca immnesa).
I d'aquí surt el meu fort sentiment de culpa que de vegades em porta a pensar coses semblants a les teves, però de debó creus que m'ho mereixo? T'ho pregunto a tu, creus que m'ho mereixo? patir encara més a mans de gent als quals els importo realment una merda... just al contrari que la gent a la qual he fet mal. De debó m'ho mereixo?.
Doncs penso el mateix quan et llegeixo, que no t'ho mereixes per molt que et pugui la culpa i la incomprenssió dels altres cap a la teva situació.
El suïcidi ha de ser respectuós amb tu mateix, una forma serena i lúcida d'acabar amb la teva vida, no pas una traca final que esdevé el summum del patiment màxim que pot assolir una persona a mans d'una altra.
I know it's awful but I wish I could find someone. Anyone. Someone who'd want to kidnap me and kill me, at least then my life would be worth something in the end. If anyone would want to do that, at least they'd get something out of it and I'd finally get to leave this world without going back and forth with my cowardly-self trying to ctb on my own.
There are some nasty predators out there that would kidnap you and make suffer for a long time before finally allowing you to die. I'm certain yoy would regret soliciting such people's 'services' very quickly.
As @Dead Ghost rouched upon, our initial understanding of the (as yet) unexplored facets of the world are limited by our experience and imagination. Things you haven't imagined and don't even know you can't imagine are where the darkest experiences you could ever be a part of lurk.
Whilst I fully get the desire for someone to take the task and responsibility of taking ones own life out your own hands it's almost certainly going to be more than you bargained if you were to ever to go through with it and give yourself over to someone offering to 'help'.
Please be very careful!
Reactions:
Lost in a Dream, Dead Ghost and Parsley
I had once talked to someone about my ideation and he offered me to shoot me on a boat in the middle of the sea; The guy is clever but he has this very harsh attitude with his words and couple of times he didn't keep his promise to meet me, so I doubt he has a good personality to be by my side at the last moment, not someone I could trust my last breath with.
It's kind of sick but I almost crave for someone to hurt me because I know I deserve it. I hate myself so much and if I had the opportunity to have someone do harm to me, I'd let them as long as they'd eventually kill me.
I, too, feel this same exact way. I don't care about having a peaceful death. I'd pay a large sum of money to have someone shoot me and whatever they do before they kill me, so be it. I absolutely deserve it.
I'm sorry you two feel as horrible as you do, but I highly doubt you're actually as horrible of people as you think you are. Thing is, everyone has done something in the past that they feel bad about, some things worse than others, but the way you're torturing yourselves is punishment enough.
If you really deserved to die a torturous death at the hands of some psycho, then you wouldn't even have enough of a conscience to feel remorse about anything. What you deserved or didn't deserve wouldn't even matter to you, because you would be out there hurting, exploiting, and doing all sorts of other horrible things to people without feeling one shred of guilt.
I get where you're both coming from though. I want to die too and it would definitely be easier if someone else could do the hard work for me and erase me from existence. I also have a lot of regrets and wish I didn't exist, so hopefully we can all find a peaceful way to get out of here.
This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
