I wish I wasn't such a coward

[BlueLock]

I have nearly everything ready for when I choose to attempt, benzos, sn, and emetol. I just can't work up the courage to do it, I'm scared of the pain and that I might be making a mistake... but what I'm most scared of is waking up in the hospital with my family knowing and having to face the consequences of it. I wish I was braver I really do because this has been an issue in all my attempts in the past. I don't want to get better I want to have the courage to die... can anyone else relate? To the feeling of wanting to die but having some mental block that prevents you from really going through with it?

 

[Forveleth]

Believe it or not, this is totally normal. Your brain is hard-wired to keep you alive. Suicide is fighting millions of years of evolution. It's not easy to do despite the number of successes every year.

It's ok. Be gentle with yourself. Take some time and try to relax and recover.

 

[drag201]

I relate to this so much. Though I don't have the same materials you do, I think if I really wanted to, I could do it any day. But there are so many thoughts that bother me, the fear of death, the equally scary fear of survival, the fear of the impact it will cause, I could go on. These are all things we need to face if we want to leave this world, because these fears aren't going away on their own. It's easier said than done though

 

[BlueLock]

I relate to this so much. Though I don't have the same materials you do, I think if I really wanted to, I could do it any day. But there are so many thoughts that bother me, the fear of death, the equally scary fear of survival, the fear of the impact it will cause, I could go on. These are all things we need to face if we want to leave this world, because these fears aren't going away on their own. It's easier said than done though

I'm glad someone gets it, I feel the same I have a lot of thoughts surrounding 'the act' that always makes me chicken out even though I have the means. I'm honestly not sure how to overcome them... but I feel someday I will, that or Ill just give up on suicide as an escape entirely.

 

[shrizoid]

Me too, I don't have everything I need yet but I know id still be too cowardly to go through which sucks because I think about how much I want death everyday

 

[kitkat9234]

You are not alone. I relate to everything you said. Wish I could just say fuck it and go through with it but I'm such a coward and am too chicken shit to actually do anything. I feel trapped. Stuck in this miserable life and no escape. I wish someone would just kill me already.

 

[metothemoon]

I feel the same. Living is a hell I want to escape, but I am scared of dying, the unknown, fear of making a mistake, the slightest hope there could be some better things I am missing out on… Setting a date, grieving the life I did not have and the opportunities I am missing out on (but also the feeling I won't have them anyway).. It's a limbo and the struggle is real. Wish I just had the courage and make a decision on living life as it is or ending my misery.

 

[L'absent]

I have never had this fear. But if I were forced to use your SN method, I would be worse off than you.