Venting I wish I was unique at something and had at least one friend

[clicmsf]

I have never been closer than this to ctb. The thing is, as far as i can remember, i have never been the best at something. A sport, an instrument, a subject in school, being social, etc. I have never been a unique person in my life. There has been at least 1 person to be better than me at. EVERYTHING all the time. Not even in video games, amongst people around me i have never been special. Even when it comes to being a choice, i have never been a first or even a second choice. If I make a mistake, others will easily move on and cut off anything they have with me, I'm nothing special and my absence wouldn't change a thing. It hurts SO MUCH to see that I'm dependant on others while they simply don't give a shit about my existence. I hate everything so much. I sometimes drink alcohol to escape all of this, but a sudden realization hits me that nobody truly has ever cared about me. My words and actions have never had meanings to anyone and there's not one person that truly cares about my life, yet me "living" is such a big deal. People around me only want me to be kept alive, they don't give a shit about how do i live, they just want me to be alive. I truly wish I had just one friend to talk to, share my everyday life and for them to actually listen. I wish i had someone to tell my experiences about. Venting on a forum isn't nearly as comforting as having an actual human to talk to.

 

[81-Z@P@D]

Your right, and I 100% agree with your points, how I cope with it is so:

1. I'll never be the best at something, but if I get better at it, and I like doing it, why should I care about how others judge me for it?
2. In truth I think people in general, are unique and special, but with how life presently is, we rarely get the time to see it manifest in people close to us. Only those that are unique & special in an easily appreciable way get attention.
3. It's true that for the majority of us, we rarely get a choice. I think this is just an inherent tragedy of existance.
4. The fact people cut ties quickly and don't give a shit is I think inherent to modernity, in societies of a smaller scale you have to care about others, whether you like it or not, which can also be a negative to others. Some people probably prefer not caring and prefer using others at convenience.

I think to summarize my points, you are not alone, there will likely be more of us who feel 'nobody truly has ever cared about me'. Some part of it is just inherent to existence (you and I can never truly understand how each of us feels, so it is likely we will hurt each other whilst attempting to show care), but at least to my understanding, I believe the present situation makes this worse: that in effect we live under a system where humans are viewed as mere resources, to be kept alive for their utility, to be managed and bred like farm animals. It is even more horrific that having the mindset where people are nothing but livestock is one that is effectively rewarded.

 

[FuneralCry]

The truth is that other people could never care, they are just concerned with their own existence and you simply cannot trust and rely on people in this cruel world. But there could certainly never be anything fair about a world where people suffer all through no fault of their own, I do understand that it really can be so awful feeling trapped in a situation that you hate but anyway best wishes.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Being the best comes either its own challenges. There is a lot of pressure, it spoils your enjoyment of the thing in question and you have to deal with the awareness that it's temporary because there will always be someone new and younger who will outshine you.

I'm aware this will sound like total copium but I'm basing this on experience. Everyone I know at least reasonably well has something unique and special to offer and that isn't readily substituted. Because that is true of everyone I know, I'm inclined to believe the same is true of you too. It sounds like you haven't met people who were able to appreciate that. When it comes to relationships and who you end up encountering a lot is based on luck you're not to blame for poor luck since by definition it is out of your control. Some people take a while to reveal their poison and sometimes they lose interest just drop you out of the blue. It's happened to me several times and as was said above it seems to be in part a product of the times we live in. But I know there will always be people who will be loyal and caring and accepting. It can just be tough to find them.

 

[clicmsf]

Being the best comes either its own challenges. There is a lot of pressure, it spoils your enjoyment of the thing in question and you have to deal with the awareness that it's temporary because there will always be someone new and younger who will outshine you.

I'm aware this will sound like total copium but I'm basing this on experience. Everyone I know at least reasonably well has something unique and special to offer and that isn't readily substituted. Because that is true of everyone I know, I'm inclined to believe the same is true of you too. It sounds like you haven't met people who were able to appreciate that. When it comes to relationships and who you end up encountering a lot is based on luck you're not to blame for poor luck since by definition it is out of your control. Some people take a while to reveal their poison and sometimes they lose interest just drop you out of the blue. It's happened to me several times and as was said above it seems to be in part a product of the times we live in. But I know there will always be people who will be loyal and caring and accepting. It can just be tough to find them.

Your right, and I 100% agree with your points, how I cope with it is so:

1. I'll never be the best at something, but if I get better at it, and I like doing it, why should I care about how others judge me for it?
2. In truth I think people in general, are unique and special, but with how life presently is, we rarely get the time to see it manifest in people close to us. Only those that are unique & special in an easily appreciable way get attention.
3. It's true that for the majority of us, we rarely get a choice. I think this is just an inherent tragedy of existance.
4. The fact people cut ties quickly and don't give a shit is I think inherent to modernity, in societies of a smaller scale you have to care about others, whether you like it or not, which can also be a negative to others. Some people probably prefer not caring and prefer using others at convenience.

I think to summarize my points, you are not alone, there will likely be more of us who feel 'nobody truly has ever cared about me'. Some part of it is just inherent to existence (you and I can never truly understand how each of us feels, so it is likely we will hurt each other whilst attempting to show care), but at least to my understanding, I believe the present situation makes this worse: that in effect we live under a system where humans are viewed as mere resources, to be kept alive for their utility, to be managed and bred like farm animals. It is even more horrific that having the mindset where people are nothing but livestock is one that is effectively rewarded.

Thank you all for your responses. The best to way to express my problem now that i think about it is, that I want someone to give me the same amount of care that I give to them if it makes sense. I feel like in every social connection i have with others, they're a lot more important and loved by me whereas it's not nearly the same for them towards me. I hate this feeling and i hate the fact that I can't change it

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Thank you all for your responses. The best to way to express my problem now that i think about it is, that I want someone to give me the same amount of care that I give to them if it makes sense. I feel like in every social connection i have with others, they're a lot more important and loved by me whereas it's not nearly the same for them towards me. I hate this feeling and i hate the fact that I can't change it

What have the people in your life done (or not done) that indicates that they don't reciprocate the same level of caring you feel towards them?

 

[clicmsf]

What have the people in your life done (or not done) that indicates that they don't reciprocate the same level of caring you feel towards them?

From the smallest things such as always driving them home no matter the circumstances, always trying to actually help instead of comforting (for example with money, etc) doing them tons of favours. The thing is, they only hit me up when they need something. I can't remember the last time where someone actually wanted to know what i was doing or how is my life. I always invite people and never get invited. Whenever texting, I'm always talking and they only listen or respond, they don't actually have any interests in talking and would avoid me anyway they can. Even though people would tell me to cut off all of these connections I still don't want to because these are the only people I have in my life. So I'd rather be treated as a bottom option than to be in chronic loneliness. Do you think it's wrong? I honestly can't say because I'm afraid of loneliness and I definitely hate it

 

[LaVieEnRose]

From the smallest things such as always driving them home no matter the circumstances, always trying to actually help instead of comforting (for example with money, etc) doing them tons of favours. The thing is, they only hit me up when they need something. I can't remember the last time where someone actually wanted to know what i was doing or how is my life. I always invite people and never get invited. Whenever texting, I'm always talking and they only listen or respond, they don't actually have any interests in talking and would avoid me anyway they can. Even though people would tell me to cut off all of these connections I still don't want to because these are the only people I have in my life. So I'd rather be treated as a bottom option than to be in chronic loneliness. Do you think it's wrong? I honestly can't say because I'm afraid of loneliness and I definitely hate it

They sound like textbook example of users. I've been in your position and I know how associating with people who take advantage of you still might feel preferable to being alone and with no one. I strongly believe that there are better people out there for you.

 

[katara]

Ya same as you, and I almost failed elementary school because of how miserable I was, I'd always being zoned out daydreaming because I was so miserable. I hate that I can relate to many things you are saying here, being dependent on others meanwhile they leave me after claiming we were friends. Sometimes I've wondered if it's all my fault, what have i done wrong? People always ignore me and treat me like I don't exist or like im invisible. When i came on this forum i thought everyone would understand yet i've seen so many people post about going out and partying with friends, being married, children. Meanwhile i'll never get to experience any of these things, and i dont understand why. I thought i did everything right, i was nice to people. But i guess sense i was shy that makes people not view me as important or valuable. i dont get it

 

[bluebird16]

Same here. I feel so worthless and pathetic. I don't have a job, I don't have any friends, all the distractions such as movies and TV shows are starting to become less and less interesting. Everyone in my family has their lives figured out, I'm just stuck in one place.