jajajamielee
worthless
- Oct 11, 2023
- 199
It started in elementary school.
(disclaimer honestly, we were somehow more mature with our "drama" in elementary school than in middle school.)
I had a crush on this one boy, but he had a crush on my best friend, and had asked me personally to tell her that he liked her. He didn't know I had a crush on him, and it hurt to do it, but I did it. I did the only thing that made sense in the mindset I had back then. I gave up my chance so that he could be with who he liked. However, she didn't like me back, and I just didn't know how to tell him. I did, but yeah. He then started bullying me and throwing stuff at me during dismissal, calling me names, and even getting other people to shit on me.
Fast forward to middle school, I have no friends; nothing. Until Alex, but she's.... an entire story unto herself, and a shitty person. I always got picked on and harassed, and to this day I still don't know why. And then one day, one of the nicer people in one of my classes handed me a note that people had been passing around behind my back; so that I knew what was going on. I don't know how on earth people made this deduction about me, a completely outrageous one, but there it was, written very plainly.
"[my name] is such a slut!"
I ran out of there crying.
And one day, I get framed for making a school threat. Someone faked my handwriting on a bench in the courtyard, and they wrote "ima shoot this place up."
This was when school threats were causing schools to shut down left and right, so it wasn't taken lightly. I wasn't charged, thank god, but I was involuntarily committed.
And then after that, I switched schools.
I've lived most of my life so far without a single friend to speak of, and it hurts. It really, REALLY hurts.
I just want someone to be there to hold me while I cry my eyes out for once. I want that so bad. I just want someone to see me and take my side for once and make me feel okay for once even though nothing is okay. I want someone like that but I'm so scared that I'd manage to lose them somehow. Maybe it's better this way.
(disclaimer honestly, we were somehow more mature with our "drama" in elementary school than in middle school.)
I had a crush on this one boy, but he had a crush on my best friend, and had asked me personally to tell her that he liked her. He didn't know I had a crush on him, and it hurt to do it, but I did it. I did the only thing that made sense in the mindset I had back then. I gave up my chance so that he could be with who he liked. However, she didn't like me back, and I just didn't know how to tell him. I did, but yeah. He then started bullying me and throwing stuff at me during dismissal, calling me names, and even getting other people to shit on me.
Fast forward to middle school, I have no friends; nothing. Until Alex, but she's.... an entire story unto herself, and a shitty person. I always got picked on and harassed, and to this day I still don't know why. And then one day, one of the nicer people in one of my classes handed me a note that people had been passing around behind my back; so that I knew what was going on. I don't know how on earth people made this deduction about me, a completely outrageous one, but there it was, written very plainly.
"[my name] is such a slut!"
I ran out of there crying.
And one day, I get framed for making a school threat. Someone faked my handwriting on a bench in the courtyard, and they wrote "ima shoot this place up."
This was when school threats were causing schools to shut down left and right, so it wasn't taken lightly. I wasn't charged, thank god, but I was involuntarily committed.
And then after that, I switched schools.
I've lived most of my life so far without a single friend to speak of, and it hurts. It really, REALLY hurts.
I just want someone to be there to hold me while I cry my eyes out for once. I want that so bad. I just want someone to see me and take my side for once and make me feel okay for once even though nothing is okay. I want someone like that but I'm so scared that I'd manage to lose them somehow. Maybe it's better this way.
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