Venting i wish i was better

[ilk]

even if i dont kms, i'll forever be like this. im so lost & miserable its funny atp. i cant even cry right now but im sure i will later. i feel sorry for my family either way if i dont kms they have to continue watch me be this way. i feel shitty everytime they come in my junky room or see me coming out & hurrying back in. if i do then they have trauma & a funeral to deal with. "im sorry" cant make up for neither one of those situations. i want to say more but im so tired rn & im hurting. im hurting so bad i just want to cry until i fall asleep. im to lazy to type all what im feeling right now. might regret posting this but im just hurting & i have no one to vent to. this post might sound dumb but oh well, thats nothing new from me