I have much to say - ATM I am writing from my phone that's quite uncomfortable,so I try to point at the most important thing.
Okay. You might think you don't look good, but it is a subjective thing. There should not be any official standards to meet. There should be no "if you don't meet the beauty standards, you might as well go and kill yourself!" Hell no!
I wonder how about you and the other users in this thread, but I could not care less if somebody looks beautiful - if they have disgusting attitudes, cannot behave - or think having good manners is an unnecessary luxury - or are functional illiterates despite being snobbish - then I consider them to be ugly. This is what makes somebody an ugly person, no matter how beautiful they look on the outside.
It's really not anywhere near as subjective as some people claim it to be. There absolutely ARE objective standards that are quite universal, and even have scientific backing. (What people don't understand is that it's not the same as having a cookie cutter appearance, two people can fit enough of the objective beauty standards and still look vastly different from one another, as can two unattractive people.) To tell someone otherwise borderlines on gaslighting.
You can say these standards should not exist-and I would agree with you-but to recognize that as anything other than wishful thinking, is simply not indicative of the real world, which will punch the false notion right out of a person's mind, the second their feet hit the pavement-outside their maladaptive daydream of a fair society.
The world doesn't only come down to 'internally beautiful people who are externally ugly' or 'internally ugly people who are externally beautiful'.
I'm getting real sick and tired of the increasingly common statement of:
"Oh well even if they were GORGEOUS, if they had a shit personality, I would pay them no mind!"
Yea, no kidding! That's not what this is ever about. (Ignoring the fact that plenty of people DO throw personality out the window for a pretty face).
People always make themselves out to be such saints for not caring ONLY about looks. But really, caring about them AT ALL, towards anyone but yourself, does that other person a huge disservice.
If you've got two people, one attractive, and one not, with equal ability and similar enough character, the door is going to be opened to the attractive person every. single. time. And when I say the door is going to be opened, I don't just mean the door to a romantic relationship, but to platonic ones, to opportunity, to preferential treatment, even to something as basic as a peaceful sense of identity, you name it...when only one can walk through the door, it matters not what you've got hidden up your sleeve, but the countenance you
can't hide.
And that's giving a mild example, with equal credence to the abilities and character on both sides.
What's even more prevalent, however, is that there will be a less attractive person who is more qualified, and a more attractive person who is less qualified.
(In more terms than just a career opportunity).
Who do you think will have the door shut in their face?
Humans tend to see those who appear easy on the eyes, as being similarly easy on the "soul". We give them the benefit of the doubt, we compliment them on things they had no part in earning, we start them off in life by putting them in an OPEN box, with the world at their feet.
Our adoration of them breeds confidence, which they can use to build other confidences, in other areas of life.
It is not a guarantee that they will be happy, or that they will not experience hardships that will lead them to a site like this, but it is far more than what we offer those who don't share the fortune of an agreeable appearance.
...
For those others, less fortunate, we put them in a CLOSED box, we don't even want to look at them, they are shaped by bullying, invisibility, inescapable imbalance, etc.
We do not give them the benefit of the doubt, and we are less tolerant of them committing any wrong, even if that wrong was born from the devastation of their circumstances.
From where some of them create their confidences, is a mysterious miracle-easily stomped out by the nature of other human beings. For them to break out of that box, they must compensate something fierce, and they must keep up the energy to do so, because constant reinforcement and reassurance is not something we offer to them, as we do those who appeal to our aesthetic senses.
So really, when an ugly exterior turns inward, and someone becomes ugly through and through, we can't blame them. They simply succumbed to the shape of the box that their genes and environment shackled them to.
Those who never felt the cold, dark confines of such a place, are unable and unwilling to recognize their privilege.
They are blind to what society sets below their line of sight.
So, we can play the "looks don't matter, I only see internal beauty" game all we want, it's not going to change reality.
It's nothing more than words coming from most people. I've yet to see such a claim take action.
It's also never that simple. People don't often come as either "looks or personality". Some can have both, some have neither.
Sometimes even the notion of "personality above all else" fails to take certain aspects of a person's circumstances into consideration.
As I said before, many of those who are less fortunate looking, are treated horribly enough to strip them of the pleasantries we project onto the better looking.
Conversely, it's easier for people who are treated better, to act like better human beings.
I don't think enough people make this connection.
For the lucky, it is easier to be optimistic.
For the wealthy, it is easier to be generous. For the privileged, it is easier to be pleasant. They have less of an excuse not to be, yet we give them more.
When beautiful people act ugly, we come up with excuses for them. Anything and everything we can think of.
When ugly people act ugly, we say
"See! That's why you're treated unfairly! Because you've got a nasty attitude, it's not your looks!"
HMM. And where do these fools think such an attitude came from?
We never consider that privilege in one area can make it easier for someone to be a more well-rounded person, and that the lack of such a privilege, can understandably cause the opposite.
(I'm sure you could apply this to more than just appearance.)
In this context, even the well-intentioned endeavor of seeking people out and raising people up based on internal factors alone, can still fail those who were unable to surpass the daunting barriers the rest of us set up outside their dwelling. Ones which-even if broken down or climbed over- will be rebuilt day in and day out.
Anyway, this is barely touching the surface of the issue, despite my wall of text.
(And apologies to Shadow, for bouncing off your reply alone, most of what I said was expanding on the topic, and not meant as a direct opposition to you alone. Your statements just incited other thoughts on the subject.)
