I wish I knew if I was being punished.

[wildflowers1996]

I feel like if I knew my life was due to bad karma, something I'd done wrong, I would be more able to accept it.
My problem is that if I am being punished, I genuinely don't know what I did wrong. Maybe that's part of the punishment?

I think the reason I find it so hard to accept my life is because I can't shake the feeling that the suffering is unjust.
If I could be given a clear explanation as to why I deserve the pain, then I'd probably say ok, that's fair. But I don't know what I did.

I feel the pain has to be as a result of the following possibilities:
- I did something bad I don't remember; I'm being punished.
- I'm here to make others feel better about themselves "at least I'm not her" - to make others look good by comparison.
- I'm here for others to enjoy mocking, to laugh at.
- I'm here for the people who enjoy the suffering of others.
- I'm paying the price so someone else doesn't have to suffer.
- I'm being "tested".

Or (imo most likely, and the most depressing) - it's undeserved, meaningless, purposeless suffering.

But I just wish I KNEW. I hate not knowing.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It's definitely punishement IMO. But not by any bogus almighty sprited being. We;re all being punished by the global elite for being birthed by reckless parents that had no business having children. Parents that thought being born into this toxic world of suffering was a good idea.

 

[attheend13]

It's definitely punishement IMO. But not by any bogus almighty sprited being. We;re all being punished by the global elite for being birthed by reckless parents that had no business having children. Parents that thought being born into this toxic world of suffering was a good idea.

I agree. My father hates me and always has. He's told me I'm a thorn in his side and he's embarrassed to say I'm his daughter but he also says I'm not. I have DNA 50% with my blood sister so he actually is. My mom is better now but she and my father both said I ruined their lives and I should kill myself. So follow up question for them…why not just terminate the obviously offensive problem? Catholicism is the answer. So if there's a God, he also had blood on his hands. Neither of them wanted me and both of them hate me. My dad was abusive I wish he had killed me.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I'm sorry to hear that. I'll never understand parents that blame the fact they chose to haphazardly have children on anyone other than themselves. It's despicable.

I also feel that religion is bogus and since the beginning of human intellect, was created for nothing more than the purpose of brainwashing and controlling the masses.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Hm, you shouldn't ask others what you were made to be and do here (you have your own answers deep within, which you need to reach out somehow.).

 

[wildflowers1996]

Hm, you shouldn't ask others what you were made to be and do here (you have your own answers deep within, which you need to reach out somehow.).

I wish I knew how to do that!

I can't help but think the most likely option is that it's all just bad luck, nothing more, no purpose to any of this.

 

[divinemistress36]

I wish I knew how to do that!

I can't help but think the most likely option is that it's all just bad luck, nothing more, no purpose to any of this.

Just bad luck you did nothing wrong <3

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't think it's necessarily for something. Why would newborn babies suffer if that were the case? They haven't been here long enough to do anything bad!

I'd agree that a lot of it is unjust though. If an ill baby is meant to be punishment for the parents, WTF kind of system is that? To punish someone through hurting someone innocent. It's certainly not a just system if that's the case. If it's a mistake in a past life, that's just as bizarre. Why make us forget it if we're supposed to learn from it?

Really, I can only see three options. One, there is a God or, other entity in charge and, they're a sadist. Two, there's nothing- this is all random good or bad luck. Three- there is a God or other entity and their plan is good overall but it's clearly incredibly complex. Too complex for us to understand. Again though- just how great can it be if it gives people the ability to choose and then, denies them that choice. Why force this sort of life on creatures? The third possibility is the one I have the hardest time coming to grips with. I just can't see how the creator of this world could be good or, have our best intentions at heart. I'm sorry you are suffering so much.