Venting I wish I just had that friend

[lucid]

Hey hello, I'm back to pour my frustrations into the only community who understands what I'm going through like many others here, but on the topic of understanding I'll elaborate on the title.
A few days ago I woke up and just wanted death the moment I came to, it's not often I wake up that low, but I did. It lingered with me the whole day, and I figured I'd let out what was in my head to my closest friends. Now, I'm not saying they would ignore me on purpose because I know them and they're amazing, almost all of my friends are. But I poured my heart out at that very moment, explaining how I'm genuinely tired of trying to always distract myself from wanting to not exist and it was completely disregarded, compared to other times I'd vent and get a usual response like all of us do for each other.
I feel like when people really know what's going on inside your head, or almost, excluding the "already planning to end my life at some point anyway" part, then you're just always that person to them for good. But I don't care about it, I'm fine with that, all I'm asking is that just one person I know could be understanding of any of this.
It's not just "I hate life and I wanna die" for fuck sake, I have piles and piles of valid reasons that people should understand. No, it's not selfish, I know the consequences it could have but how am I supposed to handle it if I'm spending every waking moment wanting to stop existing?

Hypothetical conversations out of the way, that's about it. I feel like there might be someone I know who would understand, but they wouldn't be the kind of person(s) I would really want to talk about all of this with. Shit sucks, as is life. Fuck.

 

[Yoffi]

The problem with understanding such thoughts/mindset - such feelings is that to the majority of people feeling suicidal is a completely incomprehensible concept thanks to the animalistic survival instinct, most people have never and will never experience suicidal depression, and one needs to be suicidal in order to understand others who are suicidal.

Let's do a little thought experiment - put yourself in a position of someone who has an average, normal life - it has its ups and downs but you never thought about suicide, and in honesty, this thought scares or disgusts you, and suddenly, out of the blue, someone tells you that they're suicidal, that they have depression.
in such scenario, you can't relate to them because you have never experienced what they did, you've always been taught that suicide is bad so you just start repeating the lines that everyone is saying; "it's gonna be ok", "I'm here for you", "you should seek professional help", what else can you do since you just don't know those feelings?

This whole understanding thing is weird, you want people to understand you, but also you need to understand their lack of understanding

I don't know what else to say, I'm sorry if this is hard to read because I'm a wee bit drunk while writing this.

 

[lucid]

Some of these friends have been, and are in a similar place, though. I know at least one of them knows what I mean. The others, sure I get that. Before "everything" came into my life I was in that very same place of not knowing what to do or say except repeating those same lines. I absolutely understand it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are going through this, people can disappoint us when we need them the most. Maybe they just do not know how to react or what to say, like you said. It is understandable, wanting them to support you and understand what you are going through. I wish you well.