I wish I had never been me

[Exiled spirit]

It's really hard to take my own life when I don't want to, but I have no other choice. I don't want to die, but I can't live this life anymore, and living a better life isn't an available option for me.

My parents, especially my father, are the main reason why I will end it. They abused me a lot and still do. I live in a small apartment with my parents and depend financially on them, on my abusers. I tried to change things, but I couldn't. I can't work and live independently because of my health problems and lack of skills and experience.

In addition to my parents' hell, I'm poor, very poor, living in one of the worst countries in the world. No friends. No good education. No freedom. No feeling of safety or belonging. Nothing at all.

And on the top of that I can't die peacefully. I got my SN but it's useless at the moment, because I need a private place to ctb and I don't have enough money to book a hotel room.

I wish I had never been born.
I wish I had never been me.

I wish I was a rock or a tree. Then I wouldn't be aware of the shocking brutality of a world broken beyond repair.

 

[MrDarkness]

Same bro, I wish I could be a flower or a dog, so my brain couldn't comprehend the shithole we are in

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really awful what you have to endure, to me it's so horrible and cruel how people force life here especially when they treat the person so badly. And this reality undeniably is so hellish, this world filled with endless suffering and senseless cruelty could never be a desirable place to exist in, I hate how despite this truth we are denied the option to leave reliably in peace.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry what you have to go through. Life often is so unfair. I hope you can find peace!