I wish I had my baby

[BPDbitch]

Sorry, I just need to vent somewhere. A few years ago I had an abortion under pressure from my then partner's parents. I was 18 at the time. Ever since then I've been haunted, wondering what my baby would have been like. My ex also used it to make me feel bad, even though he didn't want the child when I was pregnant. He even said I would have been a bad mother, even though all I want in life is to raise a child. I feel as though I can never forgive myself, and will always wonder who my child would have been.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Sending you hugs. My child died before birth and it has traumatized me ever since. I always wondered who they would have been. Honestly it's one of my reasons I'm going to ctb I cannot handle the grief.

 

[BPDbitch]

Sending you hugs. My child died before birth and it has traumatized me ever since. I always wondered who they would have been. Honestly it's one of my reasons I'm going to ctb I cannot handle the grief.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I still feel grief from losing my baby, so I can't imagine what miscarriage would be like. Hugs x

 

[NotMeantForHere]

Wow. This is intense. I can't believe your then partner's parents pressured you so much into doing that. That's so wrong and so not their place!
Sending hugs

 

[Searchinghope]

This is so intense I wish you could help. I am here if any one want to talk about it.
Sending prayers and hugs..

 

[hershberger]

I don't think I have any words of comfort. My wife had an abortion at age 18, and it is the only thing in her life she won't talk about. Even though she's had three children since then, there's always the underlying question of what that child would have been like. I wish I had the words to comfort you: I don't. Just know that if you ever do have children, the joy of raising them will be unlike anything you've ever experienced. Do not focus on what is lost. Focus on the future, and what it holds in store for you.

 

[Final Escape]

I ended up being traumatized by the first abortion especially, and then I ended up having 4 more. I was fucked up though, and afraid to have a kid/kids. I saw it as my life is over if I have a kid instead of this might be good for me. I didn't feel capable of parenthood but I didn't know at the time I have quiet borderline personality disorder. Plus the kids would have been growing up in poverty and most likely I would have been single mother.

 

[Cashewmilk]

Just feel comfort in knowing your baby is far away from this horrible world. It's the most selfless thing any human can ever do honestly. I had an abortion too and I too wondered about my baby, I even had a stuffed baby doll to represent it... but I just can't bring a child into this world just for my own sake and for my own desires. I couldn't live with myself if I created a child that had to see the disgusting world we live in, and to be another consumer. The planet is dying, there is so much garbage the oceans are filthy. I couldn't fathom knowing my baby will be left to suffer in an overpopulated polluted greedy unfair sick world filled with rape, babies being raped by sick old men! torture, inequality, hunger, animals suffering. Take comfort knowing your baby is in a better place, you have given your baby the greatest gift, to have never been born.