Venting I wish I could spend more time roaming the streets

[ALittleBurden]

I'm 18 and I live in one house with my family. Half the times it's not that bad but the other half is... absolutely miserable. It's been like that for my entire life and it fucked me up pretty badly. In times like that I spend a lot of time looking through the window, wishing I could go out somewhere and just have a rest. It's what a lot of kids in my situation do. The problem is that I have severe depression and anxiety; outside world (whether there are other people around or not) gives me panic attacks, cold sweat, and it reminds me of how much I wish I didn't exist. No matter how hostile my house becomes for me, it's still less terrifying than any other place, and I find myself stuck in my room, in constant fear, with haunting feeling of regret. Regret that I can't be normal enough to just go out. I wish I had a place I could call my home, where I would always be safe, but it just feels like I don't belong anywhere in this world. At least I have this forum as my safe space, thank you for reading.

 

[Donewith_]

You are having a hard time now. Sorry you are facing that.
I assume..you are taking treatment for depression, anxiety (?).i hope you can feel, enjoy your surroundings the way you wanted to. Hugs.
And its not your fault that you have depression, are not normal .. as you say.
Its not in your hands..
You can share further whats bothering..if you want to.