Venting i wish i could open up without danger of hospi

[snailboy]

i have a therapist that i get along with well and i've definitely made a lot of progress while seeing her but i've never been able to fully open up. the one time i told her i thought of overdosing a few years ago she immediately told my mom and got my medication taken from me. she knows i struggle with self harm but to her knowledge im completely clean right now. im scared if i tell her i relapsed i'll either be hospitalized or my blades will be taken away, which i can't handle. its odd but even if im not actively using them, having blades and medical supplies on hand makes me feel more secure. it sucks.

 

[altoids]

I get this feeling too. My therapist brings up the topic of CTB with me but I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I'm sure if I slip up and mention a plan they won't hesitate to actually send me to the hospital. It sucks that it has to be like this. They try to make it seem caring, "if you're at risk we have to notify someone..." but I think it just makes people hide the truth to avoid things getting worse.

 

[SamTam33]

Why would you want to tell her? What are you hoping it will accomplish? I'm always curious about that.

The handful of people I've told is so they'll know what happened if they text and I don't respond.

For some reason that used to be super important to me: that they know I wasn't ignoring them.

(I no longer care about that)

And I told my dad because I wanted him to acknowledge the role he played in how much I hate life.

(I no longer care about that either)

So for what reasons would anyone want their therapist to know?

 

[azalea087]

So for what reasons would anyone want their therapist to know?

It might play a role in the care they are receiving and sometimes you want the person you are opening up to, to know the full story

 

[SamTam33]

It might play a role in the care they are receiving and sometimes you want the person you are opening up to, to know the full story

That makes sense (I think I forget that people approach these scenarios legitimately expecting help).

 

[azalea087]

That makes sense (I think I forget that people approach these scenarios legitimately expecting help).

right same here this post reminded me i even have a therapist

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Be forthcoming about your fears of hospitalization so you have that on the table. That'll be good because you will be able to have a more concrete framework by which you can talk about the topic. I know how much it sucks to have to worry about this and having that possibility loom over your work with a therapist isn't conducive to healing at all. They don't seem to understand that or are too afraid of liability to acknowledge that.

 

[snailboy]

Why would you want to tell her? What are you hoping it will accomplish? I'm always curious about that.

The handful of people I've told is so they'll know what happened if they text and I don't respond.

For some reason that used to be super important to me: that they know I wasn't ignoring them.

(I no longer care about that)

And I told my dad because I wanted him to acknowledge the role he played in how much I hate life.

(I no longer care about that either)

So for what reasons would anyone want their therapist to know?

im talking about my self harm not ctb

 

[SilentSadness]

It's so awful that you can't say what you really think because you will get hospitalised, it's just another one of those factors that contributes to poor quality of life. The pro-lifers can honestly be so insensitive and it's the worst feeling to not be taken seriously.

 

[FuneralCry]

This is unfortunately just the world that we exist in, I hate how we live in a world where people cannot openly discuss these subjects without facing further consequences, it sounds so horrible being trapped in some kind of prison like hospital so of course it's for the best to stay quiet.