everlastinghistory
Member
- May 5, 2022
- 86
Everyone thinks I'm joking about suicide, or being overdramatic.
I wonder how my parents will feel reporting me missing some day. How that one girl I love more than anything will feel finding out about my death. Will she still think I was weak for it? Will she still think it was pathetic? Will she cry? Will it matter to her? Will my last remaining (offline) "friend" really care? Will she forget within a few weeks? She's always claimed to get over deaths easily. Would my online friends care? Or would it just be another account gone to them? I wonder how my parents would feel finding out their child killed themself in a foreign country, or better yet finding out the reason was over a girl who never even cared about me back. I wonder if that girl will ever visit my grave or if she'll just forget about me like she's told me to forget about her. What would my sisters reaction be? Or my aunts, uncles, or cousins? Would it still just be "overdramatic"?
I wonder if my wishes about what I want done with my body will be respected. Will I be buried in the cemetery I want or in the one my family keeps choosing for people? Will they have my funeral in a church despite my wishes because that's what they want? Will they ignore everything I wanted done after my death? I feel like they will.
I want to die regardless of the answers to any of these questions. But that doesn't make the desire to have answers any weaker.
I wonder how my parents will feel reporting me missing some day. How that one girl I love more than anything will feel finding out about my death. Will she still think I was weak for it? Will she still think it was pathetic? Will she cry? Will it matter to her? Will my last remaining (offline) "friend" really care? Will she forget within a few weeks? She's always claimed to get over deaths easily. Would my online friends care? Or would it just be another account gone to them? I wonder how my parents would feel finding out their child killed themself in a foreign country, or better yet finding out the reason was over a girl who never even cared about me back. I wonder if that girl will ever visit my grave or if she'll just forget about me like she's told me to forget about her. What would my sisters reaction be? Or my aunts, uncles, or cousins? Would it still just be "overdramatic"?
I wonder if my wishes about what I want done with my body will be respected. Will I be buried in the cemetery I want or in the one my family keeps choosing for people? Will they have my funeral in a church despite my wishes because that's what they want? Will they ignore everything I wanted done after my death? I feel like they will.
I want to die regardless of the answers to any of these questions. But that doesn't make the desire to have answers any weaker.
