Venting I wish I could give my privileges to someone else

[Quitter]

I've noticed myself saying stuff like "because of my life circumstances blah blah" when 'justifying' my depression. That simply is not accurate.

My life in itself, as in my surroundings, is pretty much perfect. I couldn't ask for more. But I am, as a person, faulty, dysfunctional, ruined by my way of thinking, by my fear of change and failure.

I wish, so much, that I could somehow transfer my privileges (birthplace, relationships, opportunities, potential, talents, physical health etc.) to someone else, who could have appreciated and utilized them to their fullest.

There's people out there with so much to give and a will to thrive, but they're hindered by a physical disability, toxic family or country of birth. And here I am, tossing it all away. It's not fair.

 

[Rachel74]

I'm the same. I have a good life, lovely house and amazing job, loving family and no money worries but I hate myself and my life. I'd give it all away for just a few months of normality in my life. I do good things while I can by donating money and volunteering my time and helping others. When I die my money will go to good causes as stated in my will. Don't waste thousands on a funeral as when we die we are all either pushing up daises or poluting the planet with our ashes.

 

[oopswronglife]

You are a good human being and think about others. Lots of people don't do that. It's not a competition and pain isn't more valid because someone is "worse off". You live in your body and mind 24/7. Not theirs. It doesn't matter if they or you think "if I had THAT I could..." or "I would...." Words are easy. Actions are harder.

I'd love to move to certain countries or get a load of cash and try to live after mine was stolen and needs ignored. I don't resent people who live in those places or have money and stability BECAUSE they have that health, money, and future. I resent them only if they are egotistical, bigoted, unempathetic people who don't appreciate their luck and use that status to look down on others who aren't so lucky. As long as you treat people well...and try your best to help people as you can...that's the best we can do. It's not something to be guilty of that you suffer less than, or have more options than, another. Acknowledging that you do is a self awareness most people lack. Regardless of where one lies on the "scale" suffering is suffering and death is death..

 

[Sharethepain]

I think most people would gladly give up their everything for a few blissful moments, because we are all really starved for them.
I do as well think that my circumstances were not so bad, and yet I still couldn´t influence what kind of person I will grow up to be.
It´s just a kind of lottery in the end, we got dealt a bad hand and that is it. I do sometimes wish I could have been born less intelligent, less talented in certain aspects, and instead live a life of being ignorant yet happy.
Realizing that we can do great things, or could have done, yet we did not, is truly a great burden to bear, especially since no one but ourselves are to blame.

 

[woxihuanni]

Well, if you have an upturned nose, hand that over. :P Otherwise you can keep them all.

 

[OverItAll]

I've noticed myself saying stuff like "because of my life circumstances blah blah" when 'justifying' my depression. That simply is not accurate.

My life in itself, as in my surroundings, is pretty much perfect. I couldn't ask for more. But I am, as a person, faulty, dysfunctional, ruined by my way of thinking, by my fear of change and failure.

I wish, so much, that I could somehow transfer my privileges (birthplace, relationships, opportunities, potential, talents, physical health etc.) to someone else, who could have appreciated and utilized them to their fullest.

There's people out there with so much to give and a will to thrive, but they're hindered by a physical disability, toxic family or country of birth. And here I am, tossing it all away. It's not fair.

And @Rachel74 , exactly the same situation for me. I just mentioned it elsewhere what a fraud I feel like. Aside from a crap attitude, I appear to have everything to live for (outwardly anyway). If I could only get control of my mind and my seething hate for the world, I might actually have a shot at happiness.

 

[Azul]

And @Rachel74 , exactly the same situation for me. I just mentioned it elsewhere what a fraud I feel like. Aside from a crap attitude, I appear to have everything to live for (outwardly anyway). If I could only get control of my mind and my seething hate for the world, I might actually have a shot at happiness.

I feel the same...

 

[Rachel74]

And @Rachel74 , exactly the same situation for me. I just mentioned it elsewhere what a fraud I feel like. Aside from a crap attitude, I appear to have everything to live for (outwardly anyway). If I could only get control of my mind and my seething hate for the world, I might actually have a shot at happiness.

I will try and keep trying to find my happiness, I'd be a liar if I said I was never happy as I have these 3 amazing mutts thaf really do make a difference to my life and a daft partner who loves me. I'm very lucky but it doesn't escape the dark thoughts I get.
I have said to myself when the time is right i would happily buy enough N to help others. I probably wouldn't be able to do that but as I'm enabling someone else to kill themselves but the thought is there.