Discussion I wish I could afford therapy and meds

[blankfairy]

Hi, I am a recovering c-ptsd neurodivergent in my early twenties, I am currently going to a community college to gain a profession.
I did poor at school earlier due to being kicked out as a teen, the only thing that gets me going is the pension after my deceased adoptive father, whom I cherish dearly. Unfortunately the pension is so low I can afford only basic stuff, like paying for food, rent and hygiene items. I feel selfish sometimes for even thinking that's not enough.
I fantasize going to therapy right now, and get medication for ADD/depressive symptoms but It would cost as much as half of my pension. I do have free healthcare in my country, but the queues are very long (I am in one right now), I will get real help in about a year or so, but the meds are not refundable. So I'm afraid I wouldn't survive due the inflation, huge increase in housing prices and strong urges to cbt. Next part I'm embarrassed about is work, I could be working without a contract so my pension wouldn't be lowered, but I'm barely going through studying, with concentration issues, daily dissociation and meltdowns.

I am very sorry for my bad English

How do you cope with no therapy and wanting to recover? Do you have a recovery plan? Or just a plan to survive somehow?

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Hi, I am a recovering c-ptsd neurodivergent in my early twenties, I am currently going to a community college to gain a profession.
I did poor at school earlier due to being kicked out as a teen, the only thing that gets me going is the pension after my deceased adoptive father, whom I cherish dearly. Unfortunately the pension is so low I can afford only basic stuff, like paying for food, rent and hygiene items. I feel selfish sometimes for even thinking that's not enough.
I fantasize going to therapy right now, and get medication for ADD/depressive symptoms but It would cost as much as half of my pension. I do have free healthcare in my country, but the queues are very long (I am in one right now), I will get real help in about a year or so, but the meds are not refundable. So I'm afraid I wouldn't survive due the inflation, huge increase in housing prices and strong urges to cbt. Next part I'm embarrassed about is work, I could be working without a contract so my pension wouldn't be lowered, but I'm barely going through studying, with concentration issues, daily dissociation and meltdowns.

I am very sorry for my bad English

How do you cope with no therapy and wanting to recover? Do you have a recovery plan? Or just a plan to survive somehow?

Hello @blankfairy,

Thanks for sharing
I'm so sorry to hear your situation and loss. I can't give you any practical advice, because I was just a lucky case.

Studying while depressed is extremely hard. In my final year in university, I studied and looked for a job while being depressed. It was a recipe for disaster and I barely remember how I could endure such an ordeal.
My coping methods were self-harm and, even attempting to CTB. I have almost no motivation to keep going because my job prospects are close to zero and barely concentrated. I found I can regain motivation temporarily after cutting myself so I self-harmed a lot. And in my lowest point, I tried partial hanging. Of course I didn't completed it but I don't remember how I could recover from it. My memory is hazy.
My doc gave me benzo, but it didn't work. I didn't take any medications besides it. I wasn't in therapy at that time.

I'm in therapy now, but I think this forum is amazing in terms of emotional support you can get, and better than average therapists, I guess.
That's why I'm alive - if this website didn't exist, I think I was long gone.

I'll appreciate if you speak with me, and my PM is also open.
I hope you can recover

Edit: I don't have a specific recovery plan - I'm trying to kill time until time kills me.

 

[blankfairy]

Hello @blankfairy,

Thanks for sharing
I'm so sorry to hear your situation and loss. I can't give you any practical advice, because I was just a lucky case.

Studying while depressed is extremely hard. In my final year in university, I studied and looked for a job while being depressed. It was a recipe for disaster and I barely remember how I could endure such an ordeal.
My coping methods were self-harm and, even attempting to CTB. I have almost no motivation to keep going because my job prospects are close to zero and barely concentrated. I found I can regain motivation temporarily after cutting myself so I self-harmed a lot. And in my lowest point, I tried partial hanging. Of course I didn't completed it but I don't remember how I could recover from it. My memory is hazy.
My doc gave me benzo, but it didn't work. I didn't take any medications besides it. I wasn't in therapy at that time.

I'm in therapy now, but I think this forum is amazing in terms of emotional support you can get, and better than average therapists, I guess.
That's why I'm alive - if this website didn't exist, I think I was long gone.

I'll appreciate if you speak with me, and my PM is also open.
I hope you can recover

Edit: I don't have a specific recovery plan - I'm trying to kill time until time kills me.

I am so loudly proud of you thank you for sharing that with me, I am deeply determined for you that you have already survived those years in university. I always try to tell myself I am a one-day fly, trying survive just one more day. I am happy I can be here. Hear from you soon, hugs

 

[cami]

ugh, stories like this make me so mad. why is the mental health system so broken? nobody should have to wait a year to get therapy and medication. its so crappy. im sorry my love. my pms are always open if you need to talk to someone.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I am so loudly proud of you thank you for sharing that with me, I am deeply determined for you that you have already survived those years in university. I always try to tell myself I am a one-day fly, trying survive just one more day. I am happy I can be here. Hear from you soon, hugs

Thanks so much for your kind words
Sorry, I didn't noticed that you don't seem to be able to send a PM yet. You need to make several dozen of post to get PM functionality. You can post on Forum Games section. It's easy, quick and fun!

ugh, stories like this make me so mad. why is the mental health system so broken? nobody should have to wait a year to get therapy and medication. its so crappy. im sorry my love. my pms are always open if you need to talk to someone.

I agree, people don't care about dysfunctional mental health system. Too many people think all you need are regular exercise, healthy diet and good sleep, and most of mental problems, especially anxiety and depression, would be magically gone. They try to cheer up patients if "solutions" above don't work saying "try harder." I'm not a trained therapist, but I would try to listen to people actively, so that their life would be a bit less unbearable. This world is so unfair and victim blaming is rampant, so I won't preach - I'll reach out instead.

 

[BirdNamedRose]

Well healthcare isn't free where I'm at and I just lost my insurance so all my meds come out of pocket, but my sister pays for my therapy and I'll admit it was helping a lot I thought I was done here and on the mend. But then I had a Incident and well long story short now I have something that is only treatable no cure, have to live with it the rest of my life possibly. My mother tells me that if I can make it through this I'll be stronger then ever and nothing can break me down. But I don't know, all I know is that I'm not the only one out there suffering in some way. Some have it worse, some actually get better I like to think. I don't think I can PM yet but at least I'm not alone, at least here I'm not lonely. There's always someone to talk to here no matter how late or early it is. Sorry if I'm rambling I think the lack of sleep is finally getting to me.

 

[enough of this]

Hi, I am a recovering c-ptsd neurodivergent in my early twenties, I am currently going to a community college to gain a profession.
I did poor at school earlier due to being kicked out as a teen, the only thing that gets me going is the pension after my deceased adoptive father, whom I cherish dearly. Unfortunately the pension is so low I can afford only basic stuff, like paying for food, rent and hygiene items. I feel selfish sometimes for even thinking that's not enough.
I fantasize going to therapy right now, and get medication for ADD/depressive symptoms but It would cost as much as half of my pension. I do have free healthcare in my country, but the queues are very long (I am in one right now), I will get real help in about a year or so, but the meds are not refundable. So I'm afraid I wouldn't survive due the inflation, huge increase in housing prices and strong urges to cbt. Next part I'm embarrassed about is work, I could be working without a contract so my pension wouldn't be lowered, but I'm barely going through studying, with concentration issues, daily dissociation and meltdowns.

I am very sorry for my bad English

How do you cope with no therapy and wanting to recover? Do you have a recovery plan? Or just a plan to survive somehow?

First of all, I think your English is fine. No apology needed.

I lieu of therapy, and, in addition to it, it's important to have friends - people who are willing and capable of being with you and listening to you without judgment or criticism. As someone who also has C-PTSD, I've found it helpful to stay in the present as much as possible. Staying out of post-trauma mentality and associated habits is very important. Getting outside and taking walks in nature helps to connect me with my own nature. Also, I've found meditation to be helpful. If you don't know how to meditate, there are many YouTube videos that can get you started.

Many people use the acronym FEAR as meaning, False Evidence Appearing Real. That applies a good deal of the time.
In addition, I prefer to think of it as Forgetting Everything is AlRight. My C-PTSD works on me often, and wants to bring the effects of my childhood trauma into the present. It's so easy for me to get triggered. Remembering False Evidence Appearing Real and Forgetting Everything is AlRight, helps me leave my past where it belongs. When I couple these acronyms with some deep breathing, I find there's a calming effect.

These techniques are great for recovery, even if you don't have a therapist.
Feel free to chat with me. I'm a good listener, and may have more suggestions.

I hope your day is going well.