Venting I wish he could respect that I will ctb

[CaringShrimp]

Heii heii ♡

Just a small vent.
My boyfriend and I have been living together for over a year now. He knows how much I suffer every day, he sees the pain in my empty eyes. He has to care for me because I'm disabled, he seems so sick of it. He is not in love with me and neither am I with him.

I do not fully understand why he cannot respect my wish to die. I do not expect him or anyone to be okay with this, I just want to have the right to decide over my life without anyone getting in the way. We have had many conversations of me explaining that I've been in unbearable pain for years and simply want to rest. I've carefully thought about my decision for a long time and made sure that it is not an impulsive wish. He and I are incredibly unhappy with our relationship and it is obvious that it would have ended long ago if I wasn't dependent on him.

I am fully aware that the most likely reason for his behavior is the fear/pain of being left alone. It is easier to ignore the problem and stay in your comfort zone, rather than facing the harsh reality of the situation and having to deal with the consequences and negative emotions.

I just wish he wouldn't make it even harder, for me to find peace and relief, then it already is.

Much love to all of you ♡

 

[LaVieEnRose]

What matters most is that you have complete confidence in your decision and that you feel there is no more toothpaste to be squeezed out of the toothpaste of life (forgive the silly metaphor). You have the right, but not everyone is able to put their personal feelings aside to respect your agency.

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly is sad how in a world filled with endless suffering where death is all that we are destined for anyway, people still don't recognise suicide as being a rational option to prevent unnecessary years spent here in an existence not worth enduring. But at least to me I think that it's a waste of time trying to get people to understand your feelings, who never could. After all suicide is a personal decision which has nothing to do with anyone else and other people should have no say in it or have any right to interfere. They are not living our lives after all. Maybe people like that would only become more understanding if something happened to make them suicidal themselves, but to me it really is such an insane view to see suicide as being worse than endless pain.