Venting I wish a terminal illness would kill me

[imfreezing]

I know it sounds awful to wish to have a terminal illness but I'm so tired of my life and I don't have the strength and the courage to end it myself, I already gave up and I feel like a burden to my parents, I just wish I never was born on the first place.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It's okay. You're not being flippant. Not having to overcome SI and being able to die openly and without stigma or judgment as well as potentially having access to euthanasia are desirable things.

 

[HateMyPointlessLife]

I know the feeling. I often wish I would get a terminal illness. Ideally I would spare someone else from having it, and get it instead. But that's not how the world works unfortunately. I've been called unbelievably selfish by my parents for saying this. But I think the fact that they tell me my problems aren't even comparable to something like cancer in any way. Shows why I would rather have a terminal physical illness. Any decent person wouldn't guilt someone for having an illness like cancer. But people are often made to feel selfish for having mental illness. Mental illness doesn't seems to have the same weight as physical illness to most people. And you're much more likely to get sympathy for having a physical illness. And less likely to be viewed as selfish for dying, than if you die by suicide. And I've failed so many times at that. I just wish a terminal illness would do the job for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings of wishing to die from a terminal illness are understandable. But of course it seems as though only those who wish to live get one. There is nothing fair about this life. After all in a world like this planning suicide can be so unnecessarily difficult and complicated and can require a lot of energy to plan, and of course there is the fear of the method failing. At least those who die from another cause don't have to think about any of that.

But yes of course never having to exist at all is the best option. Never being born would have prevented so much unnecessary suffering. Existing really is such a terrible thing as after all, it's the true cause of all our problems and pain. The non existent never have to worry about anything.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've thought that too. I know what you mean- it does feel guilty to wish it when some people already afflicted would do anything to get better.

Still, I'm more specific (and unrealistic) about it- I want something terminal and quick that doesn't cause any pain.

Seriously though- it isn't ALL selfish. I've tried MANY times to broker a deal with God (although I'm not certain there is one- just in case I suppose). It goes: 'I want out but if I do it myself- it will cause my friends and family a lot of upset. If YOU do it (which you will at some point regardless), they'll still be upset but they'll be less upset- so- how about it?' The answer is clearly 'no' or worse- God may end up granting me with something horrifically painful for being so belligerent.

 

[Sad_Sack]

I'm with you on this. Not only would it take the whole SI problem out of the equation but you would not have to worry about putting those around you through a suicide. You'd die in a more respectable way as far as others would be concerned. I've wished for this a whole lot.

Seriously though- it isn't ALL selfish. I've tried MANY times to broker a deal with God (although I'm not certain there is one- just in case I suppose). It goes: 'I want out but if I do it myself- it will cause my friends and family a lot of upset. If YOU do it (which you will at some point regardless), they'll still be upset but they'll be less upset- so- how about it?' The answer is clearly 'no' or worse- God may end up granting me with something horrifically painful for being so belligerent.

"Broker a deal with god." Lol. I've done a whole lot of this to. I to am not certain about god but I highly doubt it. I still find myself begging for a higher power to just please heal me or end me. Every night pretty much at this point. I even find myself worrying I kissed them off too. It sure feels like I pissed off someone at some point.

 

[universe]

When I watch on television or on Youtube people who have horrible illnesses, cancers and that they are going to die, I can't help but think that I wouldn't like to make a "swap". I would give everything to be able to have their tumor, to make an exchange but it is unfortunately impossible.

Also, the end of life would be much more pleasant! When people know that you are going to die prematurely from disease, they take advantage of you, of your last moments together. They'll be nice because they'll know it's over soon.
When it's suicide, they don't care, they don't believe you. They're not trying to take advantage of your last moments, maybe it's denial. When it's a physical illness, things are more concrete.

 

[SamTam33]

I'm obsessed with the idea of knowing when I'm going to die. I want to experience the absolute peace that would come with that. A terminal illness would satisfy that desire.

I've daydreamed and fantasized about it for years.

I also like the fact that most, if not all of them are degenerative. It's not like you wake up one day about to die.

You have time to say proper goodbyes. You have time to visit your favorite spots one last time. Eat your favorite foods, watch your favorite TV shows and do a little jig to your favorite songs.

Then you wait. Whatever discomfort you experience along the way will pay off. Unlike the pain of your existence, this pain is leading you to your death. It's taking you to the place you've always wanted to go.

I would literally cry tears of joy if I was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Then I would proceed to live the best possible life I could in the time I had left.

I just need to know there's a reliable way out. Show me the escape route and I'll be ok.

(Terminal illness or not - I'm pretty sure if we all knew our expiration date and it was relatively near, we'd be the happiest fockers on the planet).

 

[Maudlin]

Has anybody in this thread seen any of the videos that are floating around out there of the rude people who go around in public licking door handles and toilet seats?

I couldn't help it. My mind went there.

I know, I know... I'm toxic.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I've thought that too. I know what you mean- it does feel guilty to wish it when some people already afflicted would do anything to get better.

Still, I'm more specific (and unrealistic) about it- I want something terminal and quick that doesn't cause any pain.

Seriously though- it isn't ALL selfish. I've tried MANY times to broker a deal with God (although I'm not certain there is one- just in case I suppose). It goes: 'I want out but if I do it myself- it will cause my friends and family a lot of upset. If YOU do it (which you will at some point regardless), they'll still be upset but they'll be less upset- so- how about it?' The answer is clearly 'no' or worse- God may end up granting me with something horrifically painful for being so belligerent.

if such a life was imposed on you that you felt compelled to end it, that's punishment enough.

 

[lachrymost]

As vile and painful as it would be, and as much as I hate dealing with doctors, it would be so much better than the alternative. I can't imagine the relief of being diagnosed with a progressed cancer, knowing I'd get access to MAiD. And I saw a friend go through that exact thing, so I know it's horrific. But he wanted to live so he drew it out a little.

I can't believe it's gotten to this point, where cancer is a fucking pipe dream. No one should have to feel like this for even a microsecond.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

I think i probably have some undiagnosed terminal or serious illness disaease.

I been eating junk food, not exersizing and being a lay down and rot for about 12 years now.

there has gotta be some chemical in all the shit i ate or some heart issue or something.

 

[actual_fox]

Same, I don't wish It really upon me because-I know cancer is terrible, but I get hopeful every time I have chest pains.

 

[StrangeAndDeath]

I've thought that too. I know what you mean- it does feel guilty to wish it when some people already afflicted would do anything to get better.

Still, I'm more specific (and unrealistic) about it- I want something terminal and quick that doesn't cause any pain.

Seriously though- it isn't ALL selfish. I've tried MANY times to broker a deal with God (although I'm not certain there is one- just in case I suppose). It goes: 'I want out but if I do it myself- it will cause my friends and family a lot of upset. If YOU do it (which you will at some point regardless), they'll still be upset but they'll be less upset- so- how about it?' The answer is clearly 'no' or worse- God may end up granting me with something horrifically painful for being so belligerent.

I've tried this too. I've removed the veil from my eyes and I am now agnostic. If God and by extension hell doesn't exist, all well and good but if he does, then he's not what he is cracked up to be.

What kind of demented care is it, to put what you "love" in an eternal flame? God is an ass IMHO

 

[hellispink]

Even though I understand the statement comes from a state of desperation, I think it is a horrible idea. People with terminal diseases get to go hell before even closing their eyes forever. Their suffering is endless and more miserable than what we can imagine. A lot of terminal diseases can take even years to finally take you away. We must be careful what we wish for, it can become more of a nightmare rather than a way out.

 

[RUPA]

I observed and also have indirect experiences about the enormous amount of pain and suffering terminally ill people have to endure until their last breath. The unimaginable inconceivable pain could go on for years, and the strongest painkillers wouldn't help that much. There was a woman named Brittany Maynard. She moved to Oregon from CA so that she could have physician assisted suicide (back then, CA didn't have that option for the terminally ill). She had several months to live but decided to go before that due to the unbearable pain and she also wanted to end her life on her own terms.

 

[SamTam33]

I know it's hard to believe (ironic, given the forum), but I'd be willing to deal with the suffering of a terminal illness - even for a few years - if I knew it was going to kill me.

As it stands now, I'm in extreme emotional/mental pain, and have been all my life.

Given my age, I have AT LEAST 40 more years to go if I don't figure out how to CTB before then.

I'd jump at the chance to exchange that 40 years of mental hell for 2-5 years of physical hell.

With 40 years, you still need to make a living. You have to plan for retirement and try your damndest to maintain "normal." You have to go to the dentist and keep track of your tax returns.

If I'm dying within 5, all of that becomes far less relevant. It doesn't matter that I have less than 10 grand in my 401k. It doesn't matter that I haven't done repairs on my house. It doesn't matter if I don't have reliable job references.

Would you rather be in jail on an indefinite sentence with no clear end date or would you rather be on death row, knowing your execution is scheduled for June 6, 2025?

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Last night I woke up with a sharp searing pain in my stomach and I thought maybe this is stomach cancer… Of course it wasn't but I weirdly had mixed feelings… I feel like my current way of life will end in some type of terminal illness… But it seems to be taking a really long time…

 

[wantittoendsoon]

I know it sounds awful to wish to have a terminal illness but I'm so tired of my life and I don't have the strength and the courage to end it myself, I already gave up and I feel like a burden to my parents, I just wish I never was born on the first place.

I have terminal Prostate Cancer and believe me it isn't pleasant. I want to catch the bus ASAP and a slow painful death is not what I or I'm sure you want. Even the assisted suicide organizations that you think would be available to you are REALLY cumbersome and take a lot of time, more than I have so not much comfort there.

The only thing that I have going for me is that people can not honestly shame me by saying things will get better, so maybe they will be more understanding when I CTB....I have my Argon setup all ready to go and when things get really bad as they most certainly will I'll be ready, and that is a comfort.

if there is anyone else in my position or anyone really feel free to get in touch to talk.

 

[gtfo]

I know it sounds awful to wish to have a terminal illness but I'm so tired of my life and I don't have the strength and the courage to end it myself, I already gave up and I feel like a burden to my parents, I just wish I never was born on the first place.

I feel the same. Wish I could take it from someone else, give them a chance at life.

 

[wantittoendsoon]

I feel the same. Wish I could take it from someone else, give them a chance at life.

I'll trade you any day, be glad you don't have one believe me.

 

[swanlife]

I have terminal Prostate Cancer and believe me it isn't pleasant. I want to catch the bus ASAP and a slow painful death is not what I or I'm sure you want. Even the assisted suicide organizations that you think would be available to you are REALLY cumbersome and take a lot of time, more than I have so not much comfort there.

I wish you all the best <3 But it doesn't have to be painful. Hospice care will help you, my father had cancer he got good medication for the pain.