Venting I will never be loved by anyone

[GAKitty]

I can't fucking stand being born the way I was. My skin looks awful, I was born in an ugly man's body that no amount of money or effort can possibly fix. I'm fat and am not smart in the slightest. I have a terrible personality and everyone hates being around me (all of my friends have stopped talking to me because of this and I don't blame them). To top it all off, nobody loves me. My dad doesn't care about me and treats me as a nuisance and is "embarrassed" to have had me, and my mom told me that I would be better off dead. I've never had a boyfriend in my life, and I never will. I just sit in my room everyday and hope that once I go to sleep I never wake up again. I just wish I could cbt, but I live with my dad and he's always home, so that's likely not going to work... I guess I'm just biding my time until I die of some disease. I don't really know what else to do.

 

[Bedlamb]

I relate so hard I could cry. I'm sorry you feel unloved. I hope you find someone who can appreciate your value. If you ever would like to vent feel free to send me a message. I'm stupid but I don't bite hugs

 

[iwannaendme]

I'm so sorry for you feeling this way. Honestly, if you were here I would hug you. Your parents should be ashamed of treating you this way. Also, you shouldn't feel bad for how you look. You can't change that.. but I can feel every word you said and I understand how you feel. Everytime I go outside there r people who r staring at me like I'm alien or whatever sht from other planet. Today i'v been told by Random stranger that my hair looks like sht. I felt horrible and still feel, and things like that r happening to me all the time, like people commenting me. That feeling is horrible. But i believe u r unique and beautiful not just outside but also inside, people shouldnt be bullying others like that. If you need to talk, feel free to contact me here, Or if u want somewhere else i wouldnt mind. Hopefully things go better for u and remember that u can talk to me if u want

 

[Empty Smile]

It's always a bitch when you hear something like that from your own family.

 

[GAKitty]

I relate so hard I could cry. I'm sorry you feel unloved. I hope you find someone who can appreciate your value. If you ever would like to vent feel free to send me a message. I'm stupid but I don't bite hugs

Thanks for the response! It hurts for me particularly because I've lost friends over coming out. They think that I'm immoral and going to hell (which may be true if I do ctb)

I'm so sorry for you feeling this way. Honestly, if you were here I would hug you. Your parents should be ashamed of treating you this way. Also, you shouldn't feel bad for how you look. You can't change that.. but I can feel every word you said and I understand how you feel. Everytime I go outside there r people who r staring at me like I'm alien or whatever sht from other planet. Today i'v been told by Random stranger that my hair looks like sht. I felt horrible and still feel, and things like that r happening to me all the time, like people commenting me. That feeling is horrible. But i believe u r unique and beautiful not just outside but also inside, people shouldnt be bullying others like that. If you need to talk, feel free to contact me here, Or if u want somewhere else i wouldnt mind. Hopefully things go better for u and remember that u can talk to me if u want

Thanks for the response! My dad hasn't been the same around me ever since I came out and my mom hasn't talked to me in years. I can relate to the hair problem, because all of my former friends would tell me how my hair looked terrible and how curly it was. I've always tried my best to look good, but I'm starting to think it's just impossible. Sometimes I just wonder why even try to do anything. Nothing I ever do goes well, and I always suck. I always make myself look worse when I put on makeup, try to style my hair and it looks awful, and it makes me cry myself to sleep at night thinking about it. Thanks for the reassuring words, but I don't really know if I'm even beautiful on the inside. I can't seem to be confident in myself or find friends because I'm so scared about people hating me.

 

[GAKitty]

It's always a bitch when you hear something like that from your own family.

Yeah, I don't know why he can't just be more accepting. I blame this stupid state that I live in...

 

[Empty Smile]

Yeah, I don't know why he can't just be more accepting. I blame this stupid state that I live in...

I know Georgia. I'm about 25 miles to the state line.

 

[JCStar01]

Well at least you can spell. But seriously though, your post hit me hard. I can relate too to some of those things. I really feel for you, and I hope you can find comfort somewhere either in the waking life or beyond. It's so heartbreaking that us as humans have been given the gift of feeling emptiness, hopelessness, and ultimate sadness in our lives, and some of us can't shake it. Whatever you decide to do, just know that something better does await you in life or in death.

 

[iwannaendme]

Thanks for the response! It hurts for me particularly because I've lost friends over coming out. They think that I'm immoral and going to hell (which may be true if I do ctb)

Thanks for the response! My dad hasn't been the same around me ever since I came out and my mom hasn't talked to me in years. I can relate to the hair problem, because all of my former friends would tell me how my hair looked terrible and how curly it was. I've always tried my best to look good, but I'm starting to think it's just impossible. Sometimes I just wonder why even try to do anything. Nothing I ever do goes well, and I always suck. I always make myself look worse when I put on makeup, try to style my hair and it looks awful, and it makes me cry myself to sleep at night thinking about it. Thanks for the reassuring words, but I don't really know if I'm even beautiful on the inside. I can't seem to be confident in myself or find friends because I'm so scared about people hating me.

Oh honey, u know what? FU*K if they hate u or not. They eventually arent true friends. If they would be, you wouldnt have this problem with them. I suggest u to go out and meet new people. I know it sounds cringy and probably cliche, but something like that helped me. i met few really good people this way by just talking to them. Also i had big support from online friends who i met in games etc. I felt isolated but they helped me.

I think you can have this kind of support too, and trust me, itll help i also had a lot of toxic people around me so i just cut them off and i felt much better. Try to go to some parks, or somewhere where you would feel good and i believe you would find some friends. U deserve all the best and i feel bad for ur situation and i hope theres something thatll help u. I believe there is:)

 

[DeadD]

Thanks for the response! It hurts for me particularly because I've lost friends over coming out. They think that I'm immoral and going to hell (which may be true if I do ctb)

Thanks for the response! My dad hasn't been the same around me ever since I came out and my mom hasn't talked to me in years. I can relate to the hair problem, because all of my former friends would tell me how my hair looked terrible and how curly it was. I've always tried my best to look good, but I'm starting to think it's just impossible. Sometimes I just wonder why even try to do anything. Nothing I ever do goes well, and I always suck. I always make myself look worse when I put on makeup, try to style my hair and it looks awful, and it makes me cry myself to sleep at night thinking about it. Thanks for the reassuring words, but I don't really know if I'm even beautiful on the inside. I can't seem to be confident in myself or find friends because I'm so scared about people hating me.

I dunno maybe the reason your friends stopped hanging out with you isn't because you suck, but because they suck. Who makes fun of someone with curly hair? Curly hair is beautiful. Actual friends don't do that shit to each other.

Who are you as a person? You have to have hobbies or interests that make you you. Right now your focusing on how everyone else feels about you and applying it to you. Fuck them. Your parents don't have their heads straight and neither do your friends. You deserve better than that. I'm sure there are plenty of things to love your self for and those dickholes are ruining that it for you.

If you ever need to talk, you can talk to me. Wether it's venting or you just need someone to talk to.

 

[GAKitty]

I dunno maybe the reason your friends stopped hanging out with you isn't because you suck, but because they suck. Who makes fun of someone with curly hair? Curly hair is beautiful. Actual friends don't do that shit to each other.

Who are you as a person? You have to have hobbies or interests that make you you. Right now your focusing on how everyone else feels about you and applying it to you. Fuck them. Your parents don't have their heads straight and neither do your friends. You deserve better than that. I'm sure there are plenty of things to love your self for and those dickholes are ruining that it for you.

If you ever need to talk, you can talk to me. Wether it's venting or you just need someone to talk to.

Thanks! I'm really socially awkward unfortunately. I feel like I rub people the wrong way when I talk to them, and I don't really pick up on social cues too well. As for my looks, they used to jab at me all the time for the way my cheeks were really rosey (I have a skin condition that I can't really treat with medicine). But yeah, from what everyone tells me from what I tell them, they all seem to reach that conclusion. I stopped talking to them a while back thankfully.
As for hobbies, I don't really have too much right now to be honest. I mainly play video games, listen to music, and watch makeup tutorials and fashion videos on YouTube. I've thought about going to my school's LGBT resource center, but I'm worried that they won't accept me (I'm really early in my transition). Thanks for your caring words! I don't deserve them.

Oh honey, u know what? FU*K if they hate u or not. They eventually arent true friends. If they would be, you wouldnt have this problem with them. I suggest u to go out and meet new people. I know it sounds cringy and probably cliche, but something like that helped me. i met few really good people this way by just talking to them. Also i had big support from online friends who i met in games etc. I felt isolated but they helped me.

I think you can have this kind of support too, and trust me, itll help i also had a lot of toxic people around me so i just cut them off and i felt much better. Try to go to some parks, or somewhere where you would feel good and i believe you would find some friends. U deserve all the best and i feel bad for ur situation and i hope theres something thatll help u. I believe there is:)

Thanks for the encouragement! It means a lot to hear. I think you're right. I might still hate myself, but at least I can find other people who I like. I'm really awful in social situations, but I'm much better at opening up to people online (it's a lot scarier than face to face communication). I'll probably look to some of the games I play online and see if there are any groups sub-communities that I can join to discuss my feelings. Thanks so much for taking the time to respond to me whining. I don't deserve the kind words.