Venting I was thinking for a bit

[Aloneisbestforme]

i've been sitting here thinking for a bit.

There's alot i'm feeling and thinking rn and the first thing I wanted to say is that I saw someone on here that was gonna ctb and I think they already did ctb and from what i've been seeing. (I could be wrong on this but)

This person seem like she didn't wanna die but it was the only thing left to escape the hell hole of this planet.

I didn't know this person but it was really sad to see someone that people loved to be gone and it's making me feel sick inside due to how sad this is
and because of this it got me thinking.

how many people here truly don't wanna die but death is the only source for true peace/escape from the pain so they have to choose this?
because for myself I don't even really wanna die but after the amount setbacks I have in my life. I feel like this is the only choice because idk if I can fight for a better life.

I don't think I can do it.

I can't fight. it's too much effort and not only that even if I tried I don't even know it will work plus to add to this I have tried so much and given up so much that the people in my life that I use to know won't even believe me even if I do truly try to get better (ig it's my fault for that)

I just wish for so many things to be right but they are not and it hurts.

And another thing that got me thinking too is this phrase "it'll get better eventually" i'm pretty sure alot of people on here have heard this term before atleast once in their life.
but will it get better? how do we know if it will get better though we can't see into the future.

What if we wait for so long and than things aren't better.

That's how I feel right now even if I do put in the effort and stuff and let time do it's work I don't think my life will get back together to be good.
Gosh I wish I wasn't born

 

[777cave]

 

[exiled]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I am in quite a similar spot as you with not wanting to die but not feeling like there are other options out there. I think a lot of people on here can relate to that. Those are the instances that break my heart the most. People who want to hold out hope but deep down inside, do not truly see a way out. If things could reasonably get better for me, I would stop considering CTB all together. However, I am self-aware enough to know that the probability of that isn't exactly the highest...

 

[Aloneisbestforme]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I am in quite a similar spot as you with not wanting to die but not feeling like there are other options out there. I think a lot of people on here can relate to that. Those are the instances that break my heart the most. People who want to hold out hope but deep down inside, do not truly see a way out. If things could reasonably get better for me, I would stop considering CTB all together. However, I am self-aware enough to know that the probability of that isn't exactly the highest...

Indeed.

I wish life was easier for these people because they have hope for life and hope things will get better but deep down in them sadly it might not get better and this is their only choice.

And it feels nice that i'm not alone but kinda sucks at the same time because these people are also going through that pain as well.

Life is really cruel and I'm really sorry you have to go through this aswell.

I wish you the best!