rott3navocado
Member
- Nov 27, 2024
- 12
unfortunately i am broke and wasnt able to get a paycheck so I'll be post-poning. im forced to visit some racist family for christmas. (theyre all white and country and im asian with a brown complexion) now im suffering the consequences I HATE MY LIFE, i never used to cry this much in my life and all i do is feel so weak, i almost cried before class today because i just hate everything
all this week when i thought it was getting better but im always reminded that i live in the country now and constantly have to endure the racist slurs that arent even correct... im fillipeno and all these kids would start yelling racist mexican songs at me. i miss my old life out there in the city where it was more diverse and i didnt hear the n word everywhere. ive accidently crashed out because someone kept mentioning my racist cousin and i dont know why but i just feel like instead of sadness everything is turning into anger because im unable to ctb in time. it was beautiful that i could live a couple of days with the people i love but now those days are just normal days and it wont be as significant as i thought. why do i suffer here, i have a 0.1 gpa this semester because i got to "depressed". yeah sure i was severely unmotivated this semester and recently eraser burned myself the hardest i could because I want my body to endure what my mind is, I want it to endure the hate and detachment I have from living here. and sure I feel heavily detached from my life if that makes sense, i cant remember the voices or the things some of my friends say or what they like because I keep suppressing myself day to day to day and i dont know how to stop it. i have all this anger to the world. I just want to be done with this never ending nonsense and be at peace.
all this week when i thought it was getting better but im always reminded that i live in the country now and constantly have to endure the racist slurs that arent even correct... im fillipeno and all these kids would start yelling racist mexican songs at me. i miss my old life out there in the city where it was more diverse and i didnt hear the n word everywhere. ive accidently crashed out because someone kept mentioning my racist cousin and i dont know why but i just feel like instead of sadness everything is turning into anger because im unable to ctb in time. it was beautiful that i could live a couple of days with the people i love but now those days are just normal days and it wont be as significant as i thought. why do i suffer here, i have a 0.1 gpa this semester because i got to "depressed". yeah sure i was severely unmotivated this semester and recently eraser burned myself the hardest i could because I want my body to endure what my mind is, I want it to endure the hate and detachment I have from living here. and sure I feel heavily detached from my life if that makes sense, i cant remember the voices or the things some of my friends say or what they like because I keep suppressing myself day to day to day and i dont know how to stop it. i have all this anger to the world. I just want to be done with this never ending nonsense and be at peace.
