Venting I was supposed to go through with it on my birthday

[ikadasui]

That was over a week ago and I haven't had a single good thing happen since then. The day after I had caught a verbal lashing from my psychotic sister who's constantly tripping out of her mind and it included, insults to my looks, lack of friends or any social life, intelligence and then she got out her phone to put me the "freak" on tik tok to be mocked. Following that I went to play games with friends online who just made jokes at my expense which is the norm, but after the run in with my devil sister it further crushed my broken spirit. Work as always like I bitch on here is just pure humiliation 5 days a week and constant stress of finally getting fired for any one of my many fuck ups. Outside of this is just boredom and extreme loneliness as I spend most of my time unable to even enjoy my hobbies so when I'm not slaving I'm caught in limbo of discomfort anyway. I won't even go into all my physical ailments but they are many and I'm permanently marred from an ED and my bones constantly ache. What manner of life is this even supposed to be? Even if I could wish all this away I'm still stuck in a body I don't personally like on an ethnic level and can't reach any beauty standards I want in it so it's completely hopeless. Years and years of this and it just get worse the more time goes on I frankly wish I had done myself in when I was 16 and first wanted to. 11 years since then and it's gotten beyond and chance of redemption
I wanted to do one more thing on a game with a friend in a little bit, and I don't blame them but they jokingly shrugged it off. this one is my fault and idk if we will or not but i'd of liked at least that much... I can't take anymore today has been so hellishly miserable and now this final sting. I curse the day I was born with every fiber of my miserable being

 

[Maaizr]

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really awful and unbearable what you are going through. I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. I hope you find relief from your pain in whatever happens.