I was supposed to CTB today

[Alyatl]

Today is my 21st birthday, and a month ago or so I was planning to ctb today. I had my method ready, the exact time and location and I had notes ready for everyone, but today I'm actually celebrating with people that love me.

Its been a really hard and emotional journey to decide to live today, i was on a hotline last night because the thought of knowing that today was supposed to be the day sent me spiralling. It's a hard day today, it's kind of bittersweet but being surrounded by friends who actually care is something that's keeping me alive right now. Mentally I'm not in the clear, but at least I'll be alive to turn 21.

Im insanely emotional right now and I didn't really know where else to put this, just needed to put it into the universe I guess <3

 

[Iwantoutrightnow]

Happy birthday! I'm glad that you were able to celebrate and know that people love you

 

[nerve]

Happy birthday!! Super jazzed for you to get to celebrate with the people who matter :,) I felt like I was supposed to do something wild for my 21st birthday but looking back, I doubt I would have enjoyed that lol

It's not much but I see you putting this out to the universe and I hear what you're saying Not to get too pro-lifey, but since none of us really knows what's on the horizon, I feel like sucking as many good feelings as possible from any given day is worthwhile. Especially birthdays

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

Happy birthday!

 

[Sensei]

Happy birthday! 21 is just a number. Enjoy the moment and don't think about death now.

 

[suicidebabyseal]

Happy birthday, friend. How you doing today? I hope everything is going well for you these days. I know you can heal and I'm glad you shared it with all of us.

 

[Calendar]

Happy belated! I'm glad you were surrounded by people that love you. You deserve that. :)

 

[HadEnough1974]

I'm so happy that you're with loved ones and chose to live for the time being. Get the help you need, in whichever form that may be. Happy 21st b day.

 

[Alyatl]

Thank you so much for all of your kind words and your birthday wishes <3 It means so much to me. The day was insanely emotional, but I had enough liquor in my system that I just felt some pure euphoria for once (I haven' t felt that happy for months!!).

I guess a funny little anecdote from that day is the police knew about my plan to ctb on my birthday (I was sectioned for that) and they sent me a birthday card, definitely gonna look back at that card eventually and laugh haha.

 

[HadEnough1974]

That is so awesome that they sent you a birthday card. With all that's going on right now is an awesome example of compassion on the part of the police.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Thank you so much for all of your kind words and your birthday wishes <3 It means so much to me. The day was insanely emotional, but I had enough liquor in my system that I just felt some pure euphoria for once (I haven' t felt that happy for months!!).

I guess a funny little anecdote from that day is the police knew about my plan to ctb on my birthday (I was sectioned for that) and they sent me a birthday card, definitely gonna look back at that card eventually and laugh haha.

Belated happy birthday! That's so cool that the plod sent you a card, hahaha they are not all bad.