Venting I was going to ctb tonight. Please help..

[jatty]

I have kn ands all the meds i need.

But i just cant. I cant do it. Im too scared, and I live with roommates, and i cant go anywhere else right now. Im nauseous simply from stress.

I saw this girl post about KN and her tongue got numb and another person who survived sn and had to relearn how to walk. Im paralyzed with fear.

Im trying to reach out to mental health people at my uni. I cant do school work like this. I need to be hospitalized.
I keep reaching out to people but no one is really available. And im scared about my family abusing me for going to a psych ward.

How are psych wards like? Will they keep me for as long as I have a plan? Im just so scared and alone right now.

 

[MyShadow]

You're in a tough spot but either way, you need to take a risk.You're going to need to evaluate what you really want and make a decision, but it sounds to me like you want help so I would reach out to someone you trust and go get the help you need.

Don't make an irreversible decision if there's another option for you.

 

[getoutgirl]

I'm so sorry you just went through that. The day after the one you were supposed to die is at least in my experience one of the most awful and nauseous you can have. It is bad, I'm sorry.
Try to relax today, there is no point in attempting while you feel like this, spare that experience, if that's the end decision it can wait until it doesn't have to be an awful experience to go through. You've gone through enough for today already.

I'm glad you are reaching out to people and orgs, maybe on a saturday they won't be as available, that's okay. You can call a hotline and they can advise you there for what to do.

Psych wards are varied. Don't know where you live either. Some people have very awful experiences in them, mainly out of the fact that they inhibit their ability to commit suicide, and that can be frustrating for them. You however seem like you are screaming for help, and they can help there. You can look up which ones are nicer, but mostly they are rather normal buildings, great if you enjoy walking through halls and an ok to comfy room. And socks. Often they give you pretty neat socks.
They would keep you if they see you as a threat to yourself or others, so if you state you have an active plan the minute you leave, sure they would look into that and try to make you stay.
But you would also get assesment and treatment by profesionals there, oriented into suicidality and risk management, maybe meds too. So if you find yourself at risk at the moment or just desperate an unable to manage, which would be understandable, going to one could good idea yes. Definetly better than staying there suffering like how you are atm.
Keep reaching out to people, make the calls, your family won't abuse you for getting help and if they said or did something negative, it's your life that's above that, and you could manage a lot better once you felt better too.

So again, I'm really sorry you are feeling all of that now. You are not alone in this, people have gone through it. You can too. Big hugs your way, reach out if you need that <3<333<3<33<3

 

[58Alice85]

Are you not sure you want to do it? Or are you simply scared you will mess up and survive?
Go over every little detail again and make sure you will be 100 percent dead when you do it.

 

[jatty]

I'm so sorry you just went through that. The day after the one you were supposed to die is at least in my experience one of the most awful and nauseous you can have. It is bad, I'm sorry.
Try to relax today, there is no point in attempting while you feel like this, spare that experience, if that's the end decision it can wait until it doesn't have to be an awful experience to go through. You've gone through enough for today already.

I'm glad you are reaching out to people and orgs, maybe on a saturday they won't be as available, that's okay. You can call a hotline and they can advise you there for what to do.

Psych wards are varied. Don't know where you live either. Some people have very awful experiences in them, mainly out of the fact that they inhibit their ability to commit suicide, and that can be frustrating for them. You however seem like you are screaming for help, and they can help there. You can look up which ones are nicer, but mostly they are rather normal buildings, great if you enjoy walking through halls and an ok to comfy room. And socks. Often they give you pretty neat socks.
They would keep you if they see you as a threat to yourself or others, so if you state you have an active plan the minute you leave, sure they would look into that and try to make you stay.
But you would also get assesment and treatment by profesionals there, oriented into suicidality and risk management, maybe meds too. So if you find yourself at risk at the moment or just desperate an unable to manage, which would be understandable, going to one could good idea yes. Definetly better than staying there suffering like how you are atm.
Keep reaching out to people, make the calls, your family won't abuse you for getting help and if they said or did something negative, it's your life that's above that, and you could manage a lot better once you felt better too.

So again, I'm really sorry you are feeling all of that now. You are not alone in this, people have gone through it. You can too. Big hugs your way, reach out if you need that <3<333<3<33<3

Thank you so much.. this is the nicest thing anyone said to me this whole week. This is honestly all that i was looking for..
I think i can ask my friend to take me to the hospital.

The thing is, my parents have abused me for being suicidal before which is why im scared, and I dont have good experience with hotlines. Im also scared that the therapists are going to treat me badly since every person I try reach out with has invalidated me. Thank you so much

Are you not sure you want to do it? Or are you simply scared you will mess up and survive?
Go over every little detail again and make sure you will be 100 percent dead when you do it.

Im scared i will mess up and survive. And suffering before i die, because i dont have benzos.
Me going over the details is the problem because im pretty sure theres not a 100% chance because of my roommates and the fact im already nauseous