Venting I was begging my mom earlier to take me to the phyc ward but she refuses. Tonight might very well be the night i end it

[mistymoo]

Idk if I can tho because this weekend is father's day and my dad is the only person that I've been living for anymore. Instead of taking me to the fcking hospital like I've been begging my mom just keeps telling me I'm going through growth and I'll be stronger than ever. The only time I'm not bawling my stupid eyes out is when I'm on this fourm trying to research the best way to put me 6ft under. It's coming very soon

I'm so sick of the pain
I'm so sick of the pain
I'm so sick of the pain
I'm so sick of the pain
I'm so sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain

 

[spectraltease]

I'm sorry to hear that, she should just take you to the ward if it is your request.

If I may ask, what is your method?

Best wishes

 

[Yarani]

Can you call the emergency service yourself and request that they come and pick you up? As far as I know it should be possible ... they do that in my country at least. You could explain that due to your mental state you're not able to go there yourself, and that the parent you're living with is refusing to take you there, but it's urgent. If it's okay for you, state that you're actively suicidal and need help urgently.
Could that work for you?

 

[ferrie]

You do have options to go to the hospital even if your mom won't take you. Mental health hotlines can connect you to emergency services without having to call them yourself. The first time I went into the psych ward, we called the hospital itself. If you do it that way, you're more able to pick which hospital you go to which can make your experience in the ward better. If you're worried about paying for an ambulance, in some areas you may not have to ride in the ambulance. I personally rode in the back of a cop car after being asked my preference & wasn't charged at all for that escorts. Could you also try asking your dad instead of your mom? He might be more willing to listen since it sounds like your relationship is better. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been there myself & know it's exhausting trying to reach out for help & getting shot down. Please know that you do have options though

 

[sylvey]

Idk if I can tho because this weekend is father's day and my dad is the only person that I've been living for anymore. Instead of taking me to the fcking hospital like I've been begging my mom just keeps telling me I'm going through growth and I'll be stronger than ever. The only time I'm not bawling my stupid eyes out is when I'm on this fourm trying to research the best way to put me 6ft under. It's coming very soon

I'm so sick of the pain
I'm so sick of the pain
I'm so sick of the pain
I'm so sick of the pain
I'm so sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain
I'm sick of the pain

Go walk around belligerently with something tied around your neck, make it look like whatever is around your neck snapped. You're going to need to make it look like you tried to exit by hanging. Give yourself a bruise on your upper leg. Make it look nasty.
"I tried to hang myself but the [whatever you used] snapped (that's where the bruise comes in, you got it when you fell.)"
Other than that just look like you're at your wits end. Cry a lot.

 

[mistymoo]

I'm sorry to hear that, she should just take you to the ward if it is your request.

If I may ask, what is your method?

Best wishes

Walking in front of a bus or walking 10 mins to the highway

Can you call the emergency service yourself and request that they come and pick you up? As far as I know it should be possible ... they do that in my country at least. You could explain that due to your mental state you're not able to go there yourself, and that the parent you're living with is refusing to take you there, but it's urgent. If it's okay for you, state that you're actively suicidal and need help urgently.
Could that work for you?

This is a good idea. I might try this, I'm just worried of being stuck with a bill :(

You do have options to go to the hospital even if your mom won't take you. Mental health hotlines can connect you to emergency services without having to call them yourself. The first time I went into the psych ward, we called the hospital itself. If you do it that way, you're more able to pick which hospital you go to which can make your experience in the ward better. If you're worried about paying for an ambulance, in some areas you may not have to ride in the ambulance. I personally rode in the back of a cop car after being asked my preference & wasn't charged at all for that escorts. Could you also try asking your dad instead of your mom? He might be more willing to listen since it sounds like your relationship is better. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been there myself & know it's exhausting trying to reach out for help & getting shot down. Please know that you do have options though

I'm terrified I'll have to pay an ambulance bill. I thought in Canada you don't have to pay but after having multiple seizures I discovered that's far from the truth police also scare me (probably more than an ambulance bill tbh)

I wish I could ask my dad for help but unfortunately he has to work 3hrs away Sunday- Thursday. Maybe I could ask him for cab money? I'm trying so hard to hold out until i get to see him tomorrow. It's so hard tho. A few years ago I was in the psych ward for father's day and I hated it. He was the only one who showed up and actually stayed with me the whole time he could. I don't wanna put him through that again

 

[smvrtsa]

it sounds like you're pretty overwhelmed, i'm sorry. it sucks that your mom isn't listening to you. i know you want to be home on father's day but it sounds like your dad cares about you more than he does some random holiday, yknow? would you feel okay asking him to take you to the hospital tomorrow? it is just a sleep away, although i understand if it feels unmanageable. it sounds like you guys have a good relationship, so my 2c is that you should consider asking him for the cab money.

 

[Yarani]

Walking in front of a bus or walking 10 mins to the highway


This is a good idea. I might try this, I'm just worried of being stuck with a bill :(


I'm terrified I'll have to pay an ambulance bill. I thought in Canada you don't have to pay but after having multiple seizures I discovered that's far from the truth police also scare me (probably more than an ambulance bill tbh)

I wish I could ask my dad for help but unfortunately he has to work 3hrs away Sunday- Thursday. Maybe I could ask him for cab money? I'm trying so hard to hold out until i get to see him tomorrow. It's so hard tho. A few years ago I was in the psych ward for father's day and I hated it. He was the only one who showed up and actually stayed with me the whole time he could. I don't wanna put him through that again

You have to pay the ambulance bill even if it's an emergency? God, those health systems are a special kind of fucked up. I get your concern.

I second the previous poster - definitely ask your dad for cab money. Or ask him if he could take you when he's back. Come to think of it ... I would dare to bet that he would even do his best to come home earlier, because I'm pretty sure about what would be more important - losing a day of work, or losing his child.

 

[J&L383]

Go walk around belligerently with something tied around your neck, make it look like whatever is around your neck snapped. You're going to need to make it look like you tried to exit by hanging. Give yourself a bruise on your upper leg. Make it look nasty.
"I tried to hang myself but the [whatever you used] snapped (that's where the bruise comes in, you got it when you fell.)"
Other than that just look like you're at your wits end. Cry a lot.

Some of the seems overly dramatic but perhaps under the circumstances might be worthwhile? I would think what others have suggested to try first, calling the hotlines or hospital directly.

 

[ferrie]

I'm terrified I'll have to pay an ambulance bill. I thought in Canada you don't have to pay but after having multiple seizures I discovered that's far from the truth police also scare me (probably more than an ambulance bill tbh)

I wish I could ask my dad for help but unfortunately he has to work 3hrs away Sunday- Thursday. Maybe I could ask him for cab money? I'm trying so hard to hold out until i get to see him tomorrow. It's so hard tho. A few years ago I was in the psych ward for father's day and I hated it. He was the only one who showed up and actually stayed with me the whole time he could. I don't wanna put him through that again

Is Father's Day also this weekend in Canada? I think you should definitely wait until you see him tomorrow. It sounds like you have a good relationship with him & if he showed up for you like that, then he cares. I'm sure he would rather have a repeat of that experience than lose a child, especially so close to Father's Day. It is really hard to struggle with suicidal ideations, but if you're asking for help then I don't think you want ctb to be your only option. Your mom really should have handled it better, but I think you should rely on your dad. If you can't make it until tomorrow, then asking him for cab money is a great idea. Do what you gotta do to get yourself through this, so you can see him for Father's Day in whatever way that's gonna be

 

[QuiteTired]

I am sorry to hear, my family does not understand my pain either and it is hard to get help, I feel trapped, you are very strong

 

[mistymoo]

Is Father's Day also this weekend in Canada? I think you should definitely wait until you see him tomorrow. It sounds like you have a good relationship with him & if he showed up for you like that, then he cares. I'm sure he would rather have a repeat of that experience than lose a child, especially so close to Father's Day. It is really hard to struggle with suicidal ideations, but if you're asking for help then I don't think you want ctb to be your only option. Your mom really should have handled it better, but I think you should rely on your dad. If you can't make it until tomorrow, then asking him for cab money is a great idea. Do what you gotta do to get yourself through this, so you can see him for Father's Day in whatever way that's gonna be

I ended up taking my night meds (the proper dose, I didn't od or hurt myself) and fell asleep soon after. I was exhausted from crying I think.

As I was making my morning coffee my mom started talking about how she 'figured out' how my ex was apart of a satanic cult. Mom just kept going on about it too. She eventually got really mad and asked me why I started crying.

I locked myself in my room and texted my dad and then 988. They helped calm me down quite a bit. It's been a few hours and now the power is off. I can't believe how bad my luck is lmao

 

[divinemistress36]

Its a parents job to do everything in their power to help their kid

 

[ferrie]

I ended up taking my night meds (the proper dose, I didn't od or hurt myself) and fell asleep soon after. I was exhausted from crying I think.

As I was making my morning coffee my mom started talking about how she 'figured out' how my ex was apart of a satanic cult. Mom just kept going on about it too. She eventually got really mad and asked me why I started crying.

I locked myself in my room and texted my dad and then 988. They helped calm me down quite a bit. It's been a few hours and now the power is off. I can't believe how bad my luck is lmao

I'm glad that you were able to get some sleep & that talking to 988 helped you calm down. It sucks that your power is out though. Bad luck always seems to pile up when we're at our lowest. How are you feeling today now that you're calmer? I hope you get to see your dad soon & that your mom backs off a bit

 

[smvrtsa]

your dad should be home soon on the bright side!

 

[sylvey]

Some of the seems overly dramatic but perhaps under the circumstances might be worthwhile? I would think what others have suggested to try first, calling the hotlines or hospital directly.

It's not overly dramatic, you want to seen as unstable as possible so you'll get committed.