I want to run.

[Alec]

And I honestly just want to run, run like hell and I don't think I will ever want to stop. And I'm so tired, so goddamn tired. And I don't know if I can keep breathing. And I think I want this to end, I want it to stop. And I think maybe I don't want it to stop, and I want to keep feeling it. Because even though it's so heavy, it still feels good because it's the only real thing I've ever felt. It's real, and therefore, it's good. But I don't know. You know?
I don't know if I can keep going, or for how much longer. And I'm alone, and I think that's what is killing me so much. And I don't think I can do this alone anymore. I've been alone my whole life.
Goddamn I wish so many things. I wish things to be different, and I wish everything would have played out differently. And I don't know why, but everything is the way it is. And I'm afraid I can't keep going.
God I'm so afraid, I'm afraid I can't do this, this whole "life" thing, you know? What if it's just not for me? And I wish it was for me, I guess.
And I want to scream, god I want to scream, but I don't. And I want to cry, but I don't. And I want to hit my head against the wall, and I want to hurt myself, because I hate myself, but I also love some part of me, and so I want to protect it from all the hurt in the world. And I really want for the things to be different, but they are not, and maybe it's time I start accepting that...? I don't know how, and I don't know what's after I accept it. And I don't know if I want what will be after.

Love,
—Alec.

 

[ghost-key]

I feel you on all of this. I'm so lonely that it's just become a normal feeling by this point. I try to play video games as a distraction but I'm starting to lose the fun I once with them. I like to go running at the park with music, that's been a healthy distraction but I can't sadly go running 24/7 to keep my mind off the loneliness that is pretty much crippling me so here I am. I'm out of options and don't know what to do anymore

 

[KleinerWolf]

I feel you on all of this. I'm so lonely that it's just become a normal feeling by this point. I try to play video games as a distraction but I'm starting to lose the fun I once with them. I like to go running at the park with music, that's been a healthy distraction but I can't sadly go running 24/7 to keep my mind off the loneliness that is pretty much crippling me so here I am. I'm out of options and don't know what to do anymore

Most people experience loneliness to some extent even if they are not by themselves.
We are certainly not alone in this. People talk about loneliness a lot.

In terms of relationship, from how I see it I believe it all comes down to a person being happy with himself and having to find a balance between actively seeking without over-stressing himself. I believe there is someone out there for everyone as long as you put yourself out there, infinite possiblities.

In terms of marriage I wouldn't know since I have not come that far.

 

[Quarky00]

It's really beautiful what you wrote , I found it poetic and genuine and describing things in a very raw way (like stream of consciousness ) . I identify so much . I don't feel it's purely about 'loneliness' or 'finding someone' , or anything specific , but really exploring and showing tremendous pain . It's really beautiful . It really hurts

 

[KleinerWolf]

A thing I came up with that reflects how I feel about my current life situation:

Distressed by the lack of options,
Hardships thought to exceed my threshold,
Emotions I told to F off,

Calmness I shall have,
Happiness without reach,

Live another day,
Problem-solve I will,

If that fails,
Bus shall do.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I think a lot of us are very lonely people... Wich is so sad, because i think there are beautiful talented souls posting here..

If you want to talk to someone, im awake

 

[William Barker]

I offer my friendship to all those who need it.

 

[darkhorse256]

I really identify with your post. I'm sorry that you feel so alone. Loneliness is such a crushing thing to experience. I feel alone most of the time even though I have 2 people whom care about me because they don't understand/never will be able to understand why I feel the way I do. One of my loved ones told me the other day that I was a runner (aka that I run away from my problems) and I don't even know whether to take that as an insult. I'm so tired of facing my problems head on, I'm just so tired of life.

 

[Pan]

And I honestly just want to run, run like hell and I don't think I will ever want to stop. And I'm so tired, so goddamn tired. And I don't know if I can keep breathing. And I think I want this to end, I want it to stop. And I think maybe I don't want it to stop, and I want to keep feeling it. Because even though it's so heavy, it still feels good because it's the only real thing I've ever felt. It's real, and therefore, it's good. But I don't know. You know?
I don't know if I can keep going, or for how much longer. And I'm alone, and I think that's what is killing me so much. And I don't think I can do this alone anymore. I've been alone my whole life.
Goddamn I wish so many things. I wish things to be different, and I wish everything would have played out differently. And I don't know why, but everything is the way it is. And I'm afraid I can't keep going.
God I'm so afraid, I'm afraid I can't do this, this whole "life" thing, you know? What if it's just not for me? And I wish it was for me, I guess.
And I want to scream, god I want to scream, but I don't. And I want to cry, but I don't. And I want to hit my head against the wall, and I want to hurt myself, because I hate myself, but I also love some part of me, and so I want to protect it from all the hurt in the world. And I really want for the things to be different, but they are not, and maybe it's time I start accepting that...? I don't know how, and I don't know what's after I accept it. And I don't know if I want what will be after.

Love,
—Alec.

Beautifully written in its own frantic way; I have been running all my life, so much so that I don't know how to stop.

 

[Pan]

And I honestly just want to run, run like hell and I don't think I will ever want to stop. And I'm so tired, so goddamn tired. And I don't know if I can keep breathing. And I think I want this to end, I want it to stop. And I think maybe I don't want it to stop, and I want to keep feeling it. Because even though it's so heavy, it still feels good because it's the only real thing I've ever felt. It's real, and therefore, it's good. But I don't know. You know?
I don't know if I can keep going, or for how much longer. And I'm alone, and I think that's what is killing me so much. And I don't think I can do this alone anymore. I've been alone my whole life.
Goddamn I wish so many things. I wish things to be different, and I wish everything would have played out differently. And I don't know why, but everything is the way it is. And I'm afraid I can't keep going.
God I'm so afraid, I'm afraid I can't do this, this whole "life" thing, you know? What if it's just not for me? And I wish it was for me, I guess.
And I want to scream, god I want to scream, but I don't. And I want to cry, but I don't. And I want to hit my head against the wall, and I want to hurt myself, because I hate myself, but I also love some part of me, and so I want to protect it from all the hurt in the world. And I really want for the things to be different, but they are not, and maybe it's time I start accepting that...? I don't know how, and I don't know what's after I accept it. And I don't know if I want what will be after.

Love,
—Alec.

Dear Alec: your plight deeply moves me. Being a runner like you, I ended up running around the world, forever looking over my shoulder, always immersing myself in scenes of one sort or another. They make for plenty of interesting stories, I guess, but precious little else...are you a writer, Alec? If not, you should be. Thumbs up!

Most people experience loneliness to some extent even if they are not by themselves.
We are certainly not alone in this. People talk about loneliness a lot.

In terms of relationship, from how I see it I believe it all comes down to a person being happy with himself and having to find a balance between actively seeking without over-stressing himself. I believe there is someone out there for everyone as long as you put yourself out there, infinite possiblities.

In terms of marriage I wouldn't know since I have not come that far.

I was married; it was one of my bigger mistakes and believe me, I have made my full share of them. You are dead on about loneliness; it appears to be at the root of so much...

I think a lot of us are very lonely people... Wich is so sad, because i think there are beautiful talented souls posting here..

If you want to talk to someone, im awake

Yes, and you are one of them, as in a beautifully talented soul.
Drugs were always my thing, so to speak. The problem was that I have never had difficulty paying for them. Drugs, drugs, more drugs. My favorites were the uppers—Dexedrine, black beauties, ketamine, coke. Coke did it for me, as in almost doing me in...it was always about self transcendence and savoring ecstasy, if only for a little while. I was a Library Director and archivist. I would be higher than a kite, but no one ever knew. I'd snort coke as I catalogued exhibition catalogs, lining up the coke in the closed stacks of a museum I worked in. Eating? What was that? Had I not quit, I would have had a breakdown.
Naturally it did my predisposition to anxiety little good.

 

[Remember to forget]

Your post brought back some feeling I used to have. I used to want to run, run and run some more. I could just be sitting down and all I could think of was a direction to head towards but never return. It was an overwhelming feeling at the time.
My thoughts are with you. X

 

[Arrow]

I'm afraid I can't do this, this whole "life" thing, you know? What if it's just not for me?

what an amazing quote