I want to kill myself, but i have hope

[PaYo]

I would like not to ha ve hope. Thats would be easier. But i learn how to have it. Now im afraid im gonna live like this next 50 or so years. Im really need, to do something with this

 

[s1mplem3]

You have right to choose.

 

[PaYo]

I tell you something. Some people never rise up after being bullied at sql. This can go after you even in adulthood.

 

[ghostspace]

You need to listen to yourself and respect what both parts want, otherwise you're doing yourself a disservice. If there's hope, there's a chance things might be okay, hope can be a powerful motivator.

The bus station isn't going anywhere, you can CTB anytime, but please make an informed, certain, decision before you go. There's no hurry.

 

[PaYo]

If there's hope, there's a chance things might be okay, hope can be a powerful motivator.

well i want to believe that, but if i is true or that am I lying to myself? I don't know.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

"Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things... and a good thing never dies."
- Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption

If you're undecided or conflicted, then it's not time to go. It's impossible to know what your life will look like in the future. If you have hope, hang on to it.

The posters above are right. The option to ctb will always be there. You have plenty of time to choose that option. The thing is, that will eliminate any other choice. So why not give any other choice a try first?

 

[mesohappy]

If there's hope, there's a chance things might be okay, hope can be a powerful motivator.

well i want to believe that, but if i is true or that am I lying to myself? I don't know.

Sometimes it doesn't matter if your lying to yourself as long as you believe in the lie..I know Ive gone back and forth between hopelessness and hopefulness so many times in the last few months I feel like Im sea sick..One things for sure-if I tell myself its hopeless it is.If I tell my self its not,then its not.I just keep looking for little things to give me a tiny pleasure,a small victory to hold on another day.

Which one wins in the end?Hell I dont know.I know I always hold the "get of life free card" up my sleeve.Thats a comfort to stick around to see just how worse it can/may actually get.

 

[PaYo]

The posters above are right. The option to ctb will always be there. You have plenty of time to choose that option. The thing is, that will eliminate any other choice. So why not give any other choice a try first?

Because the way to the top (end of trouble) is hard and long. Im tired of problem that any other man don't have. No one understand. I feel constant rejection from my friends. And I can't establish any new conncection with any one new.

 

[mesohappy]

Because the way to the top (end of trouble) is hard and long. Im tired of problem that any other man don't have. No one understand. I feel constant rejection from my friends. And I can't establish any new conncection with any one new.

I don't know that there is a "top" or end of trouble in life..Once you get to the end of one trouble,a new one seems to have sprang up..Or 5 or 6.Once you feel you have reached the "top" you look and see that you have only just begun the journey.lm sorry that you feel rejected by your friends PaYo..Maybe they arent really your friends..What really are "friends" anyway?At the end we are basically alone anyway.Ive learned to try to treat others as I would want to be treated and void that word/concept of "friends" from my mind.We are all just screwed up people capable of good or bad whether we mean it or not.

 

[PaYo]

Maybe they arent really your friends..

FUCK THEY ARE NOT! But this people, this people that makes me feels like shit. This people rejecting me, this people are the one and only people I feel alive with (can conncect with). And this is hopeless that i have such BIIIIIIIG dependence with them. I dont know why!!!!!!!! Maybe because i was tooking a drugs with them and ours astral bodys emerged into one. I DONT KNOW! BUT IM FALING DOWN! I cant see other explanation.... i need help or death...

 

[mesohappy]

Maybe they arent really your friends..

FUCK THEY ARE NOT! But this people, this people that makes me feels like shit. This people rejecting me, this people are the one and only people I feel alive with (can conncect with). And this is hopeless that i have such BIIIIIIIG dependence with them. I dont know why!!!!!!!! Maybe because i was tooking a drugs with them and ours astral bodys emerged into one. I DONT KNOW! BUT IM FALING DOWN! I cant see other explanation.... i need help or death...

Im sorry you feel you are falling down,Ive fell pretty far myself,wish I could help you more..All I know is folks who reject me and make me "feel like shit" aint worth being around.I'd rather find a way in this journey alone.I can do bad all by myself.You can hang out on the streets and find more people just the same as that.

What kind of help do you think it is that you need?If you just want someone to talk to,you can message me.Im not any kind of proffessional anything though,other than listener.

 

[Donk]

I tell you something. Some people never rise up after being bullied at sql. This can go after you even in adulthood.

whats sql? school?

 

[PaYo]

Yes

 

[BlackPoppet]

I tell you something. Some people never rise up after being bullied at sql. This can go after you even in adulthood.

I was bullied at school. It's affected my adult life badly. I can't get over it.

Because the way to the top (end of trouble) is hard and long. Im tired of problem that any other man don't have. No one understand. I feel constant rejection from my friends. And I can't establish any new conncection with any one new.

hugs from me to you.

 

[waterbottleman]

whats sql? school?

Structured Query Language...

No wait.
, school lol

 

[Jean Améry]

They say hope dies last. Loss of hope seems to be about the single most reliable predictor of suicide. Which makes sense when you think about it.