I want to kill myself again

[Mustkeyknow]

After having some semi ok days I'm back to feeling like shit again.
I got into a fight with my GF, she's finishing a masters and think she's so much better than me, fuck her. I already got a BS in finance but I'm starting from scratch to get an engineer undergraduate (if I don't kill myself in the process) anyway I just think we're so different and she doesn't see it obviously because she's got the power in the relationship and I'm tired of feeling like I'm nothing next to her. If I had a little bit of power in here maybe I would be able to love her and love myself. I just can't believe it the moment I meet someone I love there's gotta be something, there's always a fucking catch. It's going to take like eight years for me to get on pair with her if I finish the engineering and then decide to get a masters, but I'll probavly be finishing at 42 like I'll be dead by then. I don't want to fucking do anything I wanna die already no amount of meds is going to work no amount of therapy no amount of nothing. I just wanna fucking kill my self

 

[faust]

I don't know why but I am extremely suicidal and depressive right now too...
You are not obliged to do anything, take your time if it is necessary.
Often thought about things like family too, it was hard to believe I might be married one day, now it is simply impossible.
Why is everything about money...
Wish you a good luck!

 

[Nem]

Sorry to hear this, all I can say is fuck her man. Life is too goddamn short to be with a sociopath or narcissist. I'm going out on a limb here, has she ever said the words "I'm sorry"? Maybe find someone who has empathy to your situation or sometimes being alone is better than being with someone who is full of themselves.
Peace/hugs

 

[CatchTheBus]

I'm sorry your girlfriend is like that. Being in a competition with a significant other isn't good...you should be able to do what makes you happy and they should support you without making them look like the "better" person. My fiancé is like that. He's gone through years of therapy and Buddhism and is doing pretty damn good mentally. He tries to pull me out of my "funks" by being proof that it "gets better." He doesn't have BPD. He was and alcoholic drug addict. He doesn't understand suicide and the first time I opened up to him about it he got mad and told me to "just do it." He's getting his wish.
Please think this through though. I think impulsively acting on suicidal thoughts isn't the best plan...I've been there.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I got into a fight with my GF, she's finishing a masters and think she's so much better than me, fuck her.

Did she actually put herself above you because she's getting a more advanced degree than you?

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm sorry that being with your girlfriend makes you feel inferior. Having a BS in finance, and working on another degree is quite an accomplishment already. I hope you are able to meet someone who makes you feel good about yourself, and that your entire outlook on life changes.

 

[Mustkeyknow]

Did she actually put herself above you because shes getting a more advanced degree than you?

Yes, above everyone who don't actually. I mean, I think it would be disrespectful towards her if I use her right words, but it was something along the lines of being all that much because of her higher education. I mean props to her for all her hard work, but coming from upper middle class, she never had to worry about money or drop out of college to support the family, like I did. I don't need to be reminded , even indirectly, how much of a loser I am for having a lesser education. Idk it feels mean.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Maybe not of my business, but why stay with someone who makes you feel this bad? Nobody has the right to put another down. In most cases they only need that, because there's something wrong in their lives as well.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Yes, above everyone who don't actually. I mean, I think it would be disrespectful towards her if I use her right words, but it was something along the lines of being all that much because of her higher education. I mean props to her for all her hard work, but coming from upper middle class, she never had to worry about money or drop out of college to support the family, like I did. I don't need to be reminded , even indirectly, how much of a loser I am for having a lesser education. Idk it feels mean.

So, is it possible that you took it personally? Because she didn't actually say she was better than you or imply you're a loser. That's what you heard through your own filters. It happens. No judgment. But I'd be doing you a disservice if I jumped on the fuck her bandwagon or the kill yourself bandwagon. Imo you got triggered, and imo you can come down. I'd buy you a beer if this were an irl conversation and act as your bro until you cooled off. I'm on your side.

Sounds like maybe she was talking out of her ass without thinking, and you would be doing her a service when you're not feeling defensive to let her know how it sounded to you. She may need the self-awareness.

If you disagree with me, it's cool, you can just ignore me. :)

 

[Mustkeyknow]

Sorry to hear this, all I can say is fuck her man. Life is too goddamn short to be with a sociopath or narcissist. I'm going out on a limb here, has she ever said the words "I'm sorry"? Maybe find someone who has empathy to your situation or sometimes being alone is better than being with someone who is full of themselves.
Peace/hugs

I'm her defense she did apologize, but it's been a lot of comments like those that I take from her. I'm sure she's not being disrespectful on purpose but it's just, weird idk. Sometimes i think it's best to just let go.

 

[Nem]

I'm her defense she did apologize, but it's been a lot of comments like those that I take from her. I'm sure she's not being disrespectful on purpose but it's just, weird idk. Sometimes i think it's best to just let go.

If she apologized then that's good, the problem with relationships is it's hard to see what's really going on when you're in the middle of it because feelings get in the way. Maybe things will iron themselves out and maybe they won't but try to take care of yourself in the meantime
Peace/hugs

 

[Mustkeyknow]

So, is it possible that you took it personally? Because she didn't actually say she was better than you or imply you're a loser. That's what you heard through your own filters. It happens. No judgment. But I'd be doing you a disservice if I jumped on the fuck her bandwagon or the kill yourself bandwagon. Imo you got triggered, and imo you can come down. I'd buy you a beer if this were an irl conversation and act as your bro until you cooled off. I'm on your side.

Sounds like maybe she was talking out of her ass without thinking, and you would be doing her a service when you're not feeling defensive to let her know how it sounded to you. She may need the self-awareness.

If you disagree with me, it's cool, you can just ignore me. :)

No you're right that's absolutely the case, I do feel inferior especially after my suicide attempt and I take everything to heart. She's been very supportive but those comments threw me off like there's no future between us and the issue is only gonna get bigger as time passes I assume. Nothings ever perfect I guess.

Maybe not of my business, but why stay with someone who makes you feel this bad? Nobody has the right to put another down. In most cases they only need that, because there's something wrong in their lives as well.

She suffers from bipolar schizoaffective disorder so most of the time she's very understanding of how I feel, but those comments just throw me off, maybe because of my own insecurities but either way, I'm not sure if I can handle them in the long term.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

No you're right that's absolutely the case, I do feel inferior especially after my suicide attempt and I take everything to heart. She's been very supportive but those comments threw me off like there's no future between us and the issue is only gonna get bigger as time passes I assume. Nothings ever perfect I guess.

Right on. Much respect for listening and hearing me. Could have easily gone the other way.

I hope you can work it out. The issue doesn't have to get bigger. If you communicate about it, it will get smaller. I hope in this case you'll focus on the supportive and not the fact that she's got more education, because her success doesn't make anything about you smaller. ;)