Help I want to go to the hospital and ask for help but I'm scared of a nurse there

[odette]

I was a really awful kid, just intolerable, got beaten up a lot. Lots of people would have known, but I guess everyone pretty much agreed that I deserved it or that it doesn't matter. I ran away when I was 16 and a 33-year-old man took me in and took my virginity and was very sadistic, and that lasted for a little over a year. Again, lots of people knew about it, but must have figured I deserve it or it doesn't matter.

I've been almost constantly depressed since then. I have no friends or anyone who notices that I exist at all. I got a diagnosis for PTSD, major depression and dissociative disorder. I'm a triple threat!

A few years back, I was in the deepest pit of depression and I checked in to the psych ward and told them I am thinking about killing myself and asked for help. A nurse there started talking to me and seemed to be really nice. He said that what I really need is just a friend. He said he would like to be my friend and that I should check myself out and we would hang out and be friends. He told me what to tell the psychologist so that I would get checked out. I said what he told me to say and I got checked out that day, and then later that day he picked me up and took me to his home.

We ate hamburgers and watched a movie and then he wanted to have sex. I didn't want to and he acted like he was shocked, like that was completely out of line. I did not feel at all up to resisting, so I tried to just let him. But then I had a panic attack and he got really mad and he took me home. He picked me up the day after that and basically the exact same thing happened again and then he said he didn't want to see me anymore.

If I go back to the psych ward and tell them I'm thinking about suicide, this guy will be there. He will decide when I eat, when I shower, when I get to have a change of clothes (I didn't get to change my clothes for almost a week when I was there before). He will be watching me shower. He can chain me to the bed if he wants to. Every time I think about going back there, it makes me want to die even more. I would rather die than go back there. I wish I wish I wish I wish someone, anyone would think it's worth their time and energy to help me.

 

[Redt2go]

I'm so sorry :( that's so unfair. Is there any way that you can go to a different hospital?

 

[odette]

I actually called and asked what would happen if I check in to a hospital in another county and they said there was a "possibility" that I would be moved to the one in my home county.

Don't be sorry though. It's entirely my own fault. Everything wrong with me is a direct result of my own idiotic decisions.

 

[Redt2go]

I actually called and asked what would happen if I check in to a hospital in another county and they said there was a "possibility" that I would be moved to the one in my home county.

Don't be sorry though. It's entirely my own fault. Everything wrong with me is a direct result of my own idiotic decisions.

Being preyed on is NEVER the fault of the victim. I won't tell you to report him because you have enough personal issues on your plate but I feel like if you say there's a worker that makes you uncomfortable they won't transfer you. Just say you don't want to report but you fear your safety at that hospital.

 

[odette]

He has a very young daughter and he warned me that it would fall very hard on her if anyone finds out. I'm scared to say anything, someone could get hurt.

 

[color_me_gone]

Don't be sorry though. It's entirely my own fault. Everything wrong with me is a direct result of my own idiotic decisions.

Holy smokes, nobody deserves what you went through, dear girl, nobody!
None of this is your fault, please do NOT blame yourself.
Since I am in the USA, I don't know how your authorities work.
Sweden is a progressive country - there should be social agencies which would be your advocate.
Perhaps some else here can advise you exactly where you can go.
You can tell them what you told here,
in addition to the fact about that doctor having a young daughter you don't want to hurt.
Good luck - I hope you can find the advocate you need.
Sorry I cannot help more.

 

[Redt2go]

He has a very young daughter and he warned me that it would fall very hard on her if anyone finds out. I'm scared to say anything, someone could get hurt.

If he really cared about his daughter he wouldn't have put himself in that position to compromise her like that. Also idk if you can tell but he's using her as a tool to threaten you into not telling. He's manipulating you. He doesn't truly care about you or his daughter. If he does he cares more about his own needs.

 

[color_me_gone]

Actually, I had the same feeling as Redt2go, but she expressed them better than I could have.
There comes a time when you have to be, what might feel selfish to you, but it is really the proper thing to do.

 

[color_me_gone]

What he did was completely out of line.
He will probably do it to others, so he needs to be exposed.

 

[odette]

But he didn't do anything to me. He didn't force me into anything. Everything that happened was due to choices I made.

 

[JustLosingMyself]

He has a very young daughter and he warned me that it would fall very hard on her if anyone finds out. I'm scared to say anything, someone could get hurt.

That's 1/ emotional blackmail and reprehensible.
2/ not your problem.
It's unfortunate for the kid, but who will look after you if not yourself.
Check yourself in in another county and state why you do not want to be transferred.
I had a similar problem and got the staffmember excluded from my care. (Mind you, I stated I would physically assault the man if I saw him)

 

[Redt2go]

But he didn't do anything to me. He didn't force me into anything. Everything that happened was due to choices I made.

Just because he didn't physically do anything to you doesn't mean it still wasn't wrong. The relationship was completely inappropriate. He used his position of authority to try to get someone to have sex with him. Wrong. Then guilted you into silence because he knew he was wrong. If nothing is wrong with what's happening then why is he afraid of you saying something. If you say something and he's not wrong then nothing will happen. He knows that it will because he's wrong... Even if you accept blame (which you shouldn't) he's still wrong at the end of the day. I'm 99% certain it's in his contract to not have relationships with patients because of the very feelings your having right now that you shouldn't.

 

[SeekingSolace]

I agree with @Redt2go - you're the victim here. I understand your apprehension entirely, but I agree that mentioning there is a worker there that makes you uncomfortable should avoid a transfer to your home county. Most people aren't like him, most want to help...I would go to a different county like you mentioned and I think you'll be okay. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me.

 

[Sickman75]

Taking advantage of a vulnerable adult is a serious crime to commit

 

[EmoIsNotAPhase]

You can get his ass fired and you should how many patients did he do this too before how many patients will he continue to do this too? You went to get help and he took advantage of you and it's wrong so wrong it's disgusting he deserves to be in jail he is nothing but a predator please please report him

 

[Mrs.O'Leary'sCow]

But he didn't do anything to me. He didn't force me into anything. Everything that happened was due to choices I made.

You're being manipulated and this man has violated professional ethical standards. It doesn't matter whether he forced the contact. This man has a duty of care to avoid exploitative conflicts of interest arising from contact with patients and has instead leveraged his position of trust to gain access to you outside the treatment setting while you're psychologically vulnerable. I'd advise you to document everything that occurred and schedule a consultation with an attorney. You may be entitled to a monetary settlement from the treatment facility due to its negligence in hiring and employing this predator.

 

[Redt2go]

I agree with people everyone else on the thread. Although you don't have to report him to protect other people. You got a lot going on and they aren't your responsibility. You just need to protect yourself or try your best to. If I were you I'd just say that there's a worker at the hospital who makes you feel unsafe. You're not required to say anything more.

 

[odette]

Wow, you guys. I didn't expect this response. I kind of expected to get chewed out for being a dumb slut. You're all being so nice to me. I'm so touched.

 

[TheCrow]

Wow, you guys. I didn't expect this response. I kind of expected to get chewed out for being a dumb slut. You're all being so nice to me. I'm so touched.

Oh, no no. He doesn't get to do this to you and make you feel that you are to blame, my dear. You were victimized.

If you were to ever report this with specifics, I would place an emphasis on how he coached you on how to get released from the hospital. That combined with the fact that he suggested you leave in the first place surely has to be an actual crime.

I am so sorry that you had to endure this along with everything else you've been through. None of this is your fault. You deserve to receive psychiatric help free of all of this additional stress. xo

 

[TheCrow]

You know what else? If he's going to bring his daughter into this...if he's doing such horrific things at work, 1) she's going to find out what a monster he is eventually, and 2) if he's doing stuff like that with patients at work, who's to say what kind of fucked up things he does with his daughter—in any way—that she currently needs to be protected from?

 

[Pallf]

Talk to the ombudsman at the hospital. Document document document. The more info the better. If you have text messages from him, use them too. That's a massive ethical breach. Oh, and report him to the state nurse licensing board.

 

[odette]

I don't know, I have a hard time imagining he would do anything to anyone else, because who else would deserve it? I'm not going to go and cause a fuss just because some stupid crazy slut can't keep it together.

 

[15dec]

I've been watching this thread for a while and it honestly breaks my heart to see how guilty and responsible you feel over something that is absolutely not your fault, in any way shape or form.

This nurse is in a position of trust and cannot breach this by pursuing such a relationship with you, whether or not it was consensual or not. From your post, I gathered that this was not consensual and that you were pressured into it by him acting as if you were 'out of line' for not wanting to have sex with him. This is unacceptable and not your fault at all.

You are clearly a vulnerable individual and he took advantage over that for his own gratification. He is a predator. I also get the impression that he has attempted to make you feel you are to blame for what has happened to you, and him telling you that he didn't want to see you anymore was most likely him trying to insinuate that you had done something wrong, when clearly you have not done anything wrong, and you did not do anything to deserve this.

He knows that he has done something wrong, and that is why he is manipulating you by telling you that if you tell anyone, it will fall onto his daughter. I doubt that his daughter will have many reprucussions from this, if at all, and in fact I'd go as far as to say she's better off knowing her father is a predator and not being in contact with him.

What breaks my heart most about this, is that because of the actions of this man you feel unable to get help for your suicidal thoughts. As the situation with hospitals is tricky, and I certainly don't want you to end up in the same environment as this predator again, I'd agree with other users about requesting to stay in a different hospital due to a staff member making you uncomfortable. You don't have to report him (though I advise you do, as he could very easily be abusing other patients under his 'care') and the hospitals should not press for any more details.

If this is not possible for you, could you try going into therapy or some other form of treatment to help cope with your suicidal thoughts? It may take longer to be seen and be treated, but if you feel there is any hope to recover I urge you to do explore all options.

I'm going to repeat that this was not your fault at all. You were taken advantage of and abused by a predator, and you are not a 'stupid crazy slut' because of it. You are a victim and you did not deserve any of this.

Sending you hugs.

 

[odette]

You really think that? You guys are being so nice to me, I don't know how to take it. This is the opposite of the response I expected. I'm sort of confused.

 

[15dec]

You really think that? You guys are being so nice to me, I don't know how to take it. This is the opposite of the response I expected. I'm sort of confused.

Yes, of course we mean it. There's no plausible way any of this could be your fault and it's clear to see you're the victim in this situation. I understand if you're feeling confused -when things like this happen it's natural for the victim to feel responsible, especially if the abuser has made them feel that way.

I imagine that since this occurred several years ago the feelings of guilt and blame have been destroying you since then. Talking about experiences like this (with understanding people or those in similar situations) can really help you to dispel these feelings of guilt and as if you deserved it. If it's possible you can have counselling to help cope with sexual abuse, and I believe there are also support groups where you can talk to others who've had similar experiences, which could both be helpful for you.

Of course you can always talk about it here -the vast majority of our users are incredibly supportive and understanding, and I myself am more than happy to listen and try to support you through this.

 

[odette]

Thank you so so much. I'm going to think about everything you all have said. You are so kind, I can't believe it.

 

[SeekingSolace]

I've been watching this thread for a while and it honestly breaks my heart to see how guilty and responsible you feel over something that is absolutely not your fault, in any way shape or form.

This nurse is in a position of trust and cannot breach this by pursuing such a relationship with you, whether or not it was consensual or not. From your post, I gathered that this was not consensual and that you were pressured into it by him acting as if you were 'out of line' for not wanting to have sex with him. This is unacceptable and not your fault at all.

You are clearly a vulnerable individual and he took advantage over that for his own gratification. He is a predator. I also get the impression that he has attempted to make you feel you are to blame for what has happened to you, and him telling you that he didn't want to see you anymore was most likely him trying to insinuate that you had done something wrong, when clearly you have not done anything wrong, and you did not do anything to deserve this.

He knows that he has done something wrong, and that is why he is manipulating you by telling you that if you tell anyone, it will fall onto his daughter. I doubt that his daughter will have many reprucussions from this, if at all, and in fact I'd go as far as to say she's better off knowing her father is a predator and not being in contact with him.

What breaks my heart most about this, is that because of the actions of this man you feel unable to get help for your suicidal thoughts. As the situation with hospitals is tricky, and I certainly don't want you to end up in the same environment as this predator again, I'd agree with other users about requesting to stay in a different hospital due to a staff member making you uncomfortable. You don't have to report him (though I advise you do, as he could very easily be abusing other patients under his 'care') and the hospitals should not press for any more details.

If this is not possible for you, could you try going into therapy or some other form of treatment to help cope with your suicidal thoughts? It may take longer to be seen and be treated, but if you feel there is any hope to recover I urge you to do explore all options.

I'm going to repeat that this was not your fault at all. You were taken advantage of and abused by a predator, and you are not a 'stupid crazy slut' because of it. You are a victim and you did not deserve any of this.

Sending you hugs.

I agree with this wholeheartedly, I couldn't have written it better myself. I deal with a lot of self-hatred and I often have to remind myself that I don't deserve to be miserable...and neither do you!

 

[JustLosingMyself]

I don't know, I have a hard time imagining he would do anything to anyone else, because who else would deserve it? I'm not going to go and cause a fuss just because some stupid crazy slut can't keep it together.

His job was to help and protect you.

Instead HE chose to manipulate you for his own gratification.
He chose to put you at risk for his enjoyment.

Nobody, including and especially you, deserves what he chose to do.

Look after yourself

 

[Rsuicidal]

Wow, you guys. I didn't expect this response. I kind of expected to get chewed out for being a dumb slut. You're all being so nice to me. I'm so touched.

Exactly because you have this mindset about yourself tells informed people that you were definitely manipulated by a disgusting human.
You are a victim and nothing else, what transpired is the perpetrators fault.

Most hospitals will have a social worker available during regular hours. Is it possible for you to ask to meet with them as urgently as possible? Only in order to ensure a care plan can be met if you say you need different staff, not for you to have to say exactly who.
You never have to state who did it if you do not wish to.
It is only up to you to keep yourself safe, no one else is your responsibility

 

[color_me_gone]

I'm not going to go and cause a fuss just because some stupid crazy slut can't keep it together.

Depressed people ALWAYS blame themselves for everything that happens to them.
This is not unusual, but odette, you need to believe us when we tell you this is NOT your fault!