Venting I want to go to a hospital

[toxicjester]

I don't mean like for mental health help or anything like that. I feel like I'm on edge everyday of my fucking life and like I constantly have to be doing shit, if I feel safe and relaxed for even a moment everything goes to shit and because I'm too inept to fix my own situations everything feels like dog shit

Sometimes I wish I could have an accident where I'm hurt a good amount (if it's not gonna kill me) to the point that I'd have to be resting for a while, maybe even stay in the hospital for a while. That way I don't have to worry about anything and I get to feel like I'm cared for without the pity that being mentally unwell gets you. Going to the hospital for something out of your control is different than going to the hospital after an attempt I imagine.

I don't know if this is selfish, stupid, self harm, or all of the above. I just want a fucking break