Venting I want to go suddenly

[Leve]

I don't want to have to kill myself, but I don't just want to stop living. I want to die. I want to go instantly, and for that reason my fantasies have always involved me using a gun to kill myself. But in truth I don't want to burden anyone in my life with my suicide, and I don't want to cause anyone to feel guilt (even though I desperately want the attention). For that reason I really desire to die violently and suddenly. I want to go out like Kennedy or Kirk. One second there, one second gone. A tragedy or an accident instead of being forever remembered as the person who killed themselves

 

[tears and vomit]

But in truth I don't want to burden anyone in my life with my suicide

I relate a lot. I don't want my suicide to bring shame or pity to those around me I really want to go out a cool way. Like saving someone or sacrificing myself in a way. But an opportunity like that is rare