I want to enjoy life again

[nothingleft]

I don't really want to be dead. I just want to find some passion, some drive to keep going for me and no one else. I want a life that's better than this, because being here is so hard at the moment. I want to feel alive again.

 

[StillWaiting]

Is there something you like currently ?

 

[nothingleft]

Is there something you like currently ?

Depression has taken away so many of my interests over the years that it's weirdly difficult to answer this question. I enjoy writing sometimes, when I feel able to. Mostly I've been coping by mindlessly watching youtube and playing games on my phone. I know how these downward spirals go, and how dark it gets. But I want to believe that I'll wake up one day and feel a spark to really try and change my life. I don't want to die at 22.

 

[StillWaiting]

Depression has taken away so many of my interests over the years that it's weirdly difficult to answer this question. I enjoy writing sometimes, when I feel able to. Mostly I've been coping by mindlessly watching youtube and playing games on my phone. I know how these downward spirals go, and how dark it gets. But I want to believe that I'll wake up one day and feel a spark to really try and change my life. I don't want to die at 22.

At least you enjoy writing. Don't force yourself to do it all the time, it gets tiring if you do that.

I get what you mean. Someday I do want to get better but it just seems impossible to wake up one day having the will and energy to do something I enjoy.

Maybe people in the forum may have ideas on how to slowly get better. Sorry that I cant be much of a help.

 

[Stan]

Not to get all Zen like, but they say the journey of a million miles starts with the first step. as @StillWaiting says, do writing when you enjoy it and you never know if that time period expands a bit more once you exercised that part of your brain. I learnt something the other day, maybe it is relevant, maybe its not. I wanted to know why I don't laugh anymore, was it the depression and other things? There was some obscure academic paper that proposed the synaptic connections in our brain regarding laughter can deteriorate if we don't find ourselves in situations where we laugh. So basically we forget how to laugh

Perhaps maximise on opportunities to do things a bit more when you do have some clarity of thought. Sadly i know when I have clearer days I just think 'Lovely! A day off' but still do the same thing of sitting at home. You might be able to use the fruits of those times to act as a trophy to do more. Perhaps do something random! When I was younger (much much younger) my friends and I would do random trips. Go to an airport, get a ticket to anywhere and spend the weekend their. Ironically enough, it was the worst places we had the most fun in because the venues were so bad all you could do is laugh. you don't need an airport to do that, if you have a car or a bus ticket, its exactly the same. Its hard for us with depression to go out of our comfort zone or find the energy/motivation to do anything, but maybe give yourself the gift of doing something completely different. If you don't like it, well at least you know. I know you don't feel like this and my next statement might come over a bit 'its all about me', but I would rather be your age with more days ahead of me (potentially) and more options, then where I am which is the reverse. That statement wasn't meant to be a competition challenge on which of us is worse off, its just a point of view.

If I was 22 now, I'd probably go off to some farming commune a 1000 miles away from civilisation, phones, internet and all current affairs. Pick fruit and plant potatoes, build relationships with my fellow farm workers just to see if I was the problem or the world around me conspiring.

I truly hope you find you passion, but remember to find it, you must first go searching for it. Its rare that it lands on your lap. I hope you find it

Hoping you don't read that as if I was being preachy

 

[GreyMonkey]

I hear you.

I want to enjoy life again too. And I know that I'm in my own way.

Theoretically I know all the reasons for why I am how I am, I know the things that are needed to get out of this.

And yet from the inside it feels impossible.

My own pain keeps me trapped in my own hell.

I get it. I really get it.

You are young though and at 22 there is possibly still enough resilience and hope in you to change. I'm open to chat with you if you would like some support in finding a direction. I'm really good at counselling others actually, yet I'm my own worst client tragically.

 

[HGL91]

Depression has taken away so many of my interests over the years that it's weirdly difficult to answer this question. I enjoy writing sometimes, when I feel able to. Mostly I've been coping by mindlessly watching youtube and playing games on my phone. I know how these downward spirals go, and how dark it gets. But I want to believe that I'll wake up one day and feel a spark to really try and change my life. I don't want to die at 22.

Yes. You're still so young. Are you in college or work or do something where you socialize with people in person regularly??

 

[nothingleft]

At least you enjoy writing. Don't force yourself to do it all the time, it gets tiring if you do that.

I get what you mean. Someday I do want to get better but it just seems impossible to wake up one day having the will and energy to do something I enjoy.

Maybe people in the forum may have ideas on how to slowly get better. Sorry that I cant be much of a help.

Thank you for what you've said. I really appreciate it the understanding. <3

If I was 22 now, I'd probably go off to some farming commune a 1000 miles away from civilisation, phones, internet and all current affairs. Pick fruit and plant potatoes, build relationships with my fellow farm workers just to see if I was the problem or the world around me conspiring.

I truly hope you find you passion, but remember to find it, you must first go searching for it. Its rare that it lands on your lap. I hope you find it

Hoping you don't read that as if I was being preachy

Thank you so much for taking the time to write that. I believe in what you're saying, not preachy at all. I'm going to consider this and save your comment on my computer because it's something I'd like to have with me to revisit often. <3

I hear you.

I want to enjoy life again too. And I know that I'm in my own way.

Theoretically I know all the reasons for why I am how I am, I know the things that are needed to get out of this.

And yet from the inside it feels impossible.

My own pain keeps me trapped in my own hell.

I get it. I really get it.

You are young though and at 22 there is possibly still enough resilience and hope in you to change. I'm open to chat with you if you would like some support in finding a direction. I'm really good at counselling others actually, yet I'm my own worst client tragically.

Your words resonate with me. I'm sorry you're in a similar boat with these feelings, but it's good to hear that I'm not alone in this weird limbo between life and death. Thank you for being open to chat. I'm having a particularly terrible and defeating day right now, and my thoughts are all over the place. You're also welcome to message me if you need someone to talk to. Thanks so much. <3

 

[falconeyes]

I don't really want to be dead. I just want to find some passion, some drive to keep going for me and no one else. I want a life that's better than this, because being here is so hard at the moment. I want to feel alive again.

At 22 you haven't even started your life yet, you might start trying any of these things:
- Change your indoor habits into outdoors ones, the more you stay home the more you feel depressed.
Fore example, go daily for a walk with friend(s) in quiet places. If you can participate in group activities like charity works in your neighborhood or workshops in schools and colleges even if your not a regular student. You like writing , a lot of schools organize workshops and training courses with simple fees.

- If you like it and have time to, get a pet, a kitty, puppy, or birds. Being responsible about them will give you an initial target in your life and give you fun as well.

- Usually, there's a moments in the day/week you find yourself being optimistic, use this moments and put a short-time simple scheme for your life, for example ask yourself what you wanna do during the next year? study, work, or both? and so. But, put a plan that suits your abilities and ask yourself , what things I'm able to do and what I'm not, and remember always make it simple with clear applicable steps for you.

Wish you luck in your long flourished life

 

[Aaron]

Maybe people in the forum may have ideas on how to slowly get better. Sorry that I cant be much of a help.

I don't have the formula to *slowly get better*
Don't think your done when there hasn't been any progress.
Life is unexpected and out of control.
You don't certainly need to try hard to get better.
One day you may think and realize.. fuck tables have turned!

 

[Sweet emotion]

Sweetie I want to enjoy life again too but for the past 14 years ever since I was 20, I have had many physical limitations that don't allow me to do that anymore. I enjoy reading and writing. I used to sing and play the guitar. I had a beautiful electric guitar but I can't do that anymore because of severe ear pain. I don't think any of us want to really die. I think we just want to get better but for some of us that is never going to happen and I refuse to live another year like this when I don't have to. I really hope that you can find something that you love and become passionate again. I hate recommending people to see a therapist but sometimes if you land on the right one they can help you tremendously. One helped me very much when I was 15-17. I just would hate for you to die without exploring all the options. If nothing changes than I hope you find peace. And you're only 22. It's awful how depression can affect us at such a young she when we should have life by the balls right? If you ever need to talk just message me.