Venting I want to die so bad

[Menhera Chan]

I cant talk about suicide anywhere else. I barely talk about my attempts, I have attempted probably about 10 times, hanging, gun, pills, stabbing my throat but every time i chicken out because i dont want to make my friends more depressed than they already are, i always feel so selfish and invalid and i used to cut but my friends found my blades and threw them away, i always stop crying to make myself go help them with their problems but i get more and more tired everyday i want to die and i feel like a hypocrite and helpless and sometimes i feel like dying is better yet not. I started talking to a guy and hes made me happy i have issues trusting men but now i feel like hes tired of me and now im here cause i feel like dying. My friend called me to try to get me to feel better and while seeing her with the plushie i gave her makes me happy i still feel suicidal. I have terrible mood swings where I am happy and the next I want to die. I just sometimes wish if i died everyone else can live happy lives, that they would feel better, even to the people who did me wrong, cause i know if everyone had happy and healthy lives maybe the world would be less cruel.

Ive wanted to kill myself for years. I feel like no matter how good of a day it is i want to kill myself as soon as the joy is gone. I feel so hollow sometimes like a broken glass doll changing faces being toyed around with by the universe.

 

[jodes2]

How did you fail with a gun? That sucks. Sorry you're suffering

 

[Menhera Chan]

How did you fail with a gun? That sucks. Sorry you're suffering

I just couldn't get myself to pull the trigger. I tried so hard but my finger just would not move. I stared at myself in a mirror with the gun in my head for an hour it sucked.

Thank you for the sympathy

 

[jodes2]

I just couldn't get myself to pull the trigger. I tried so hard but my finger just would not move. I stared at myself in a mirror with the gun in my head for an hour it sucked.

Thank you for the sympathy

Knowing my luck I'd have flinched and blown my face off instead! I'm glad you're still in one piece at least

 

[Menhera Chan]

Knowing my luck I'd have flinched and blown my face off instead! I'm glad you're still in one piece at least

Thank you At least I know someone is glad haha, i have pretty bad luck myself but at the time i was feeling really empty and hollow so i mostly just stared at myself At least i didnt make a mess with my blood all over the floor…

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds so horrific going through failed attempts to me, it's what I fear but at least you didn't end up with any damage. Of course it's very much understandable wishing to be free from this hellish world, it certainly can be so tiring feeling trapped here.

 

[Menhera Chan]

It sounds so horrific going through failed attempts to me, it's what I fear but at least you didn't end up with any damage. Of course it's very much understandable wishing to be free from this hellish world, it certainly can be so tiring feeling trapped here.

It sure feels trapped, i had felt slightly better after that post but now I am incredibly suicidal again, my birthday is next week and honestly i dont want to reach another year of living but i stay breathing for my friends, even if it is so incredibly miserable i appreciate your empathy and words

 

[Menhera Chan]

I just joined but I have been depressed for years and I really wish I knew how to do it with certainty and without pain. I also think it will be hard to do it alone.

I certainly feel that, Id hate my last few moments being so painful, knowing i already deal with enough pain on the daily.

 

[randy]

Sorry life is so intolerable for you I know what you mean about feeling hollow

 

[thx1138]

Oh no, it's so sad you are going through such a bad time. Sounds like you are struggling a lot.

Btw, I always get suicidal around my birthday too, it's like clockwork :D

 

[Menhera Chan]

Sorry life is so intolerable for you I know what you mean about feeling hollow

I'm glad theres someone that understands

Oh no, it's so sad you are going through such a bad time. Sounds like you are struggling a lot.

Btw, I always get suicidal around my birthday too, it's like clockwork :D

It always feels unreal cause I never thought I'd live past 12… thank you for your sympathy

 

[downndone2]

Knowing my luck I'd have flinched and blown my face off instead! I'm glad you're still in one piece at least

Same, I feel I'd end up an attempt with a gun and it would nor be good situation