I want to die everyday.

[justexisting14]

I'm crying typing this. I don't know how to properly start a thread but please bare with me. Is there anyone else out there who just suffers from a tremendous amount of depression everyday? Sometimes a new idea or a hobby comes along to keep you sane for 2-4 days and then that just goes to shit. I'm so ready to die already but then I start thinking methods and how complicated and why can't I just drive into a river or jump off a bridge. Even though deep down I just wanna opt out already. It's so painful everyday. I'm only 22 years old but I feel like I've accomplished nothing. There's nothing in the world for me. People are mean things aren't certain and it's just too much pain than happiness. And all the times I experience a sense of joy, later I'm going to be 10x more depressed. I even get into manic episodes where I'm just so pissed off at everyone and stuff they do that I sometimes even question how am I human? There's no way people can think like they do? I feel like I can't escape and it's not fair and that's what really hurts. Living everyday.

 

[Jean Améry]

I'm sorry to hear about your suffering. Life can be hell surely and depression's a bitch.

Life is generally more pain than happiness but most people seem to be able to cope with it.

At 22 it's fairly normal if you haven't achieved much. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Besides who says what you have to achieve in life?

I hope you find a good solution to your situation.

 

[Dead beat dad]

I'm crying typing this. I don't know how to properly start a thread but please bare with me. Is there anyone else out there who just suffers from a tremendous amount of depression everyday? Sometimes a new idea or a hobby comes along to keep you sane for 2-4 days and then that just goes to shit. I'm so ready to die already but then I start thinking methods and how complicated and why can't I just drive into a river or jump off a bridge. Even though deep down I just wanna opt out already. It's so painful everyday. I'm only 22 years old but I feel like I've accomplished nothing. There's nothing in the world for me. People are mean things aren't certain and it's just too much pain than happiness. And all the times I experience a sense of joy, later I'm going to be 10x more depressed. I even get into manic episodes where I'm just so pissed off at everyone and stuff they do that I sometimes even question how am I human? There's no way people can think like they do? I feel like I can't escape and it's not fair and that's what really hurts. Living everyday.

I feel your pain friend. I can relate very closely to the things that you've shared.
I'm not sure what I can say to assuage the pain you feel, save to say that you are not alone.
If it helps you could try and reflect not on the achievements you've made for yourself, but what about My kind things you may have done for others.
It may be the case you've done what you perceive as bad things, who hasn't? But you can be the good person.
Depression is a killer no doubt and is the reason so many are here, but I have found being kind to others acts to let me be kinder to myself.
I hope you find some peace friend, bon chance
DBD

 

[Walilamdzi]

I'm 22 too.

 

[Midnight]

I've been exactly like this for 15 years or more. I sympathize with your pain ... Wish i could say something to help but i'm afraid i've never found the answers myself. We are left to endure it regardless untill the inevatable finally comes or we find a way to push ourselves over the edge.

 

[justexisting14]

Thank you all for the comments really. It's so appreciated and feeds my soul to know I'm not alone. That's why I love this site even though it's under bad circumstances. It feels good to know we understand each other. In the outside world I feel so misunderstood and it's so much comfort from you all and this site. It's really appreciated.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

It's so painful everyday. ... There's nothing in the world for me. People are mean things aren't certain and it's just too much pain...

Absolutely. You are not alone. Not that that makes it any easier. You can PM me anytime you want to vent.