Help I want to die but I don’t have the guts to go through with it.

[DVaughn]

I'm a 27 year old female who has had suicidal thoughts and behaviours since the age of 6. I've been in and out of therapy, psychiatry and psych wards since I was 13 and I've come to accept that there's no hope for me. There's no quality of life living like this, thinking about killing myself every day. I've tried overdoses, hanging, bleach, cutting and throwing myself into traffic, but I always either fail or chicken out at the last second because I'm afraid to fail. What would you guys recommend?

 

[jodes2]

I'd recommend Nembutal if you can get it, you'd have to wait until a new supplier comes into the scene. Failing that, SN and antiemetics are relatively easy to get. Both have the advantage that they overcome SI that is high with things like jumping

 

[DVaughn]

The problem with purchasing stuff is that I literally have no money and am close to homelessness. I guess I need a solution that's free and preferably as painless as possible

 

[Posession(Quiet)]

I'd recommend Nembutal if you can get it, you'd have to wait until a new supplier comes into the scene. Failing that, SN and antiemetics are relatively easy to get. Both have the advantage that they overcome SI that is high with things like jumping

Is D out of the business?

 

[whocaresaboutlife]

I'd recommend Nembutal if you can get it, you'd have to wait until a new supplier comes into the scene. Failing that, SN and antiemetics are relatively easy to get. Both have the advantage that they overcome SI that is high with things like jumping

What's sn?

 

[jodes2]

Is D out of the business?

It seems so. His email address is certainly out of action

What's sn?

Sodium nitrite

 

[Everlong]

I'm a 27 year old female who has had suicidal thoughts and behaviours since the age of 6. I've been in and out of therapy, psychiatry and psych wards since I was 13 and I've come to accept that there's no hope for me. There's no quality of life living like this, thinking about killing myself every day. I've tried overdoses, hanging, bleach, cutting and throwing myself into traffic, but I always either fail or chicken out at the last second because I'm afraid to fail. What would you guys recommend?

I'm a 27 year old female who has had suicidal thoughts and behaviours since the age of 6. I've been in and out of therapy, psychiatry and psych wards since I was 13 and I've come to accept that there's no hope for me. There's no quality of life living like this, thinking about killing myself every day. I've tried overdoses, hanging, bleach, cutting and throwing myself into traffic, but I always either fail or chicken out at the last second because I'm afraid to fail. What would you guys recommend?

If you had a sure fire way you do it, would you pause or chicken out?

 

[FuneralCry]

All that anyone can do is look at the information in the method resources on this website and decide what is best for themselves. What is the best method depends on what is able to be accessed. Suicide really can be so difficult and I understand having the fear of failing ctb. It's what holds me back from attempting.

I'm sorry that you have been through so much. It must be really hard dealing with all that. In an ideal world we would all be able to exit in a peaceful and reliable way, I understand that it's so awful being trapped in an existence which is just constant suffering. I wish you the best.

 

[DVaughn]

If you had a sure fire way you do it, would you pause or chicken out?

I'd probably pause, but I wouldn't chicken out. I do sometimes think about all the stuff I'll miss out on, but it's about pros and cons; is it worth living in constant emotional pain and fighting these urges every day for the rest of my life just so I can go to more gigs or play video games with my brother? It's gonna suck to miss out on stuff, but I've suffered long enough.

 

[Jimblue]

I am waiting for a new supplier for N.
I am very stick with OD and I don't think I am brave enough to jump.

I would advise waiting for N too, other methods can be painful or uncomfortable. I don't want to suffer in the last stage of my life.

I want that day to be a good day.

I'd probably pause, but I wouldn't chicken out. I do sometimes think about all the stuff I'll miss out on, but it's about pros and cons; is it worth living in constant emotional pain and fighting these urges every day for the rest of my life just so I can go to more gigs or play video games with my brother? It's gonna suck to miss out on stuff, but I've suffered long enough.

I can understand you, this is one of the reason that I want to CTB. I realized there will be no quality of life. Entire life will be full of mental illness assessment, groups, doctors appointments, hospitals. Certainly don't want to that.

People say I would getting better after 50s. I doubt it and I don't see the point to live until that age and I would never me "normal".

 

[Everlong]

I'd probably pause, but I wouldn't chicken out. I do sometimes think about all the stuff I'll miss out on, but it's about pros and cons; is it worth living in constant emotional pain and fighting these urges every day for the rest of my life just so I can go to more gigs or play video games with my brother? It's gonna suck to miss out on stuff, but I've suffered long enough.

You're singing my tune. It's very strange how this mental ailment effects me. It sounds like it might to you, too.
Mostly down days but periods of happiness or more like contentment. Those are usually when I'm thinking about CTB.
God, it's such a strange comfort. I can console and advise friends like Tony Fuckin' Robbins while thinking about offing myself. And I honestly believe the advice will work to improve their situations.
Yeah, I can't advise either way on this decision. Just please make sure you're ready. I totally understand the mental gymnastics and exhaustion that entails. But that effort is worth every moment in the darkness. I've committed myself to not doing this impulsively. I want to drink it like Socrates and his hemlock cocktail. Cool as a cucumber. That's a tall order for anyone who has loved ones.
It's such a difficult subject, but at least here, there's no judgement or condemnation for carrying such thoughts. For that, I'm grateful and I wish you peace with your decision.
I know it breaks the rules but you're welcome to PM to vent.

 

[theboy]

Did you check the method compilation thread?

 

[Hollowillow]

I'd recommend Nembutal if you can get it, you'd have to wait until a new supplier comes into the scene. Failing that, SN and antiemetics are relatively easy to get. Both have the advantage that they overcome SI that is high with things like jumping

How to get SN & other stuff in canada? Im brain dead dumb from pain

 

[jodes2]

How to get SN & other stuff in canada? Im brain dead dumb from pain

Check our PMs, it was one of the first things I sent you :)

 

[Worndown]

I'm a 27 year old female who has had suicidal thoughts and behaviours since the age of 6. I've been in and out of therapy, psychiatry and psych wards since I was 13 and I've come to accept that there's no hope for me. There's no quality of life living like this, thinking about killing myself every day. I've tried overdoses, hanging, bleach, cutting and throwing myself into traffic, but I always either fail or chicken out at the last second because I'm afraid to fail. What would you guys recommend?

Post a little more and the PM option should activate.

 

[freedompass]

I can understand you, this is one of the reason that I want to CTB. I realized there will be no quality of life. Entire life will be full of mental illness assessment, groups, doctors appointments, hospitals. Certainly don't want to that.

As someone who has virtually been a full time psych patient since 30, so 30 years. Not sure if you're in the UK but my mental health has actually improved over time. At this stage I take my meds, avoid stress and stay away from the services pretty much. I get disability benefit and even have found my own private 'support worker'. Honestly the services have very little to offer at this point.

You still have every right to feel as you do ofc. Obviously I'm here so not saying I have it all together, just thought I'd share anyway.

 

[Jimblue]

As someone who has virtually been a full time psych patient since 30, so 30 years. Not sure if you're in the UK but my mental health has actually improved over time. At this stage I take my meds, avoid stress and stay away from the services pretty much. I get disability benefit and even have found my own private 'support worker'. Honestly the services have very little to offer at this point.

You still have every right to feel as you do ofc. Obviously I'm here so not saying I have it all together, just thought I'd share anyway.

Thank you for sharing your experience and I am glad that you have been better.

I live in north east of UK. My mental illness is better compared while I was a kid. Because I am able to stay away from the abusers.

But I am still not able to recover completely and probably I will never able to be. There was a point that support worker advised me stay in a residential home which I don't want to.

At movement, everyone want to transfer me to a different city to see a different psychiatrist. And I have been on waiting list for 4 years for therapist.

I am actually not seeking for service help now. I want to be discharged from service. I don't like group talk, therapist, mange feeling course etc. But I think they will make me attend.

 

[hamvil]

I'm a 27 year old female who has had suicidal thoughts and behaviours since the age of 6. I've been in and out of therapy, psychiatry and psych wards since I was 13 and I've come to accept that there's no hope for me. There's no quality of life living like this, thinking about killing myself every day. I've tried overdoses, hanging, bleach, cutting and throwing myself into traffic, but I always either fail or chicken out at the last second because I'm afraid to fail. What would you guys recommend?

People think that killing yourself is an easy way out. There is nothing easy otherwise this forum would not exists. I got several time close to jumping but never managed to to the last cm. Once I was stopped by another person that slapped me hard, not sure I would have made it that time. For sure I would have liked to jump in front of her to leave that memory in her mind.

I guess that if you are motivated enough you will succeed. I am on this forum just to watch for a while. Later maybe I will put more attention to the instructions threads and to the method to acquire some meterial. Hope you find what you are looking for.

 

[iixtabb]

car? garage? for me that's what i'm doing.. taking a drive to no where