I want to die but also not?

[museumofthunder]

Idk, its a weird place to be. Ive been on here long enough, on and off for a while now. Some days im really happy to be here, some im definitely not. Lately, its been more not. I dont have a career, stuck at a job i hate. I dont know what to do with my life. My room is a mess. Cant drive. Idk, everything is accumulating. Im just tired.

So ofc my brain's coping mechanism is to finally end it all already because i've already been here long enough than i even planned to be in the first place. But this stupid piece of me has hope, so i keep on hanging. But its starting to fade too. I dont even know where id start, planning to do this. It would make some people upset but ive been upsrt for a long time now too.

 

[usernamesarehard]

Yeah, I'm in this situation too. It's really frustrating. I'm depressed and tired of fighting. I just want to go. But there's this piece of me that has hope and won't let me just ctb. Hope for what? I don't know.