I'm tired of living in The U.S a country which is so stuck in the protestant work ethic. Its literal hell for chronically ill folks and disabled folks like me. I swear, maybe I'd be happier in a different country which wasn't so fucking individualistic, and addicted licking the boots of Martin Luther. But ya know I"m disabled and I don't have enough money just up and move. And ya know, moving is really stressful and might make one of chronic health conditions flare. Ya know. The latest misery, to be inflicted upon me by the chronic illness Gods, is the wonderful condition of Functional Neurologic Disorder. It used to be called Conversion disorder. But, the freaks on the D.S.M. committee wanted to give it a facelift. Trust me, it's still all the same old bullshit. It's just been enhanced by "Neuroscience"tm. Ya know, that science that gaslights chronically ill folks. The pain educators, that march around so sure they have the solution, nevermind the fact, they've probably never worked before with a 24-week preemie. Because. well, if you didn't know, it is, or was considered very rare for people at my gestational age to even be able to sit here and write this. Nothing against my fellow preemies who are unable to express themselves through writing..Total solidarity with y'all. Oh and by the way, they've learned that preemies exposed to surgery without anethesia, have massive trouble in adulthood with the typical developmental milestones. Ya know, getting a job, finding a friend group, getting married etc. All that horseshit. And ya know what??? I was one of the last cohort to be opperated on without anesthesia. The ableist majority thinks life is just dandy. And you must not be working hard enough. Just work harder. Well guess what, If I work too hard. My brain causes me to loose the ablility to speak and move. That's how bad my Functional Neurologic Symptoms have gotten which lands me in the E.R where I more often the not loose a night of sleep, and am gaslighted again by doctors Neurologists etc. And no I don't want fucking therapy. My last therapist abused me by having no clear boundries around session time, constantly extending our sessions to at one point two freaking hours, yes this is considred abuse. And also doing therapy over text which not allowed ethically and also considered abuse. Oh and she's the one who got me into my first pain education class. Which I only learned one useful thing from, which was to not talk about my pain all the time to my friends/family. That made sense to me. The rest of the class? Complete bullshit. But it's a topic for another post.
So fuck you society and your fucking ableism and Martin Luther boot licking fetish. And ya know what's funny, I feel proud of the rant/vent I've just written. I"m not saying I"m the most profound person, but it's played a part in my not wanting to kill myself anymore. Plus I just got Pita chips. And that helps too. Hope this rant/vent helps folks, particularly any disabled folks here, and folks here are preemie adults.
So fuck you society and your fucking ableism and Martin Luther boot licking fetish. And ya know what's funny, I feel proud of the rant/vent I've just written. I"m not saying I"m the most profound person, but it's played a part in my not wanting to kill myself anymore. Plus I just got Pita chips. And that helps too. Hope this rant/vent helps folks, particularly any disabled folks here, and folks here are preemie adults.
