Help I want to CTB so bad, but all I literally do is sleep in a dark closet all day instead of acting

[DyingToCTB]

It's like, as long as I can sleep a lot and don't have to do anything, I hold off on buying the N or taking any action to CTB. But I'm still miserable and badly want to die, so much so that thoughts of it help me get through each day. I just don't have much energy for life, which ironically is keeping me alive. I just took my first shower in 3 days and I had to lie down at times.

I'm so tired of being alive, but too tired to CTB

 

[Pipe11]

Anything in this life is free, death is not an exception. I think it's even harder than anything. Being depressed is hard. I'm sorry

 

[Redt2go]

It's like, as long as I can sleep a lot and don't have to do anything, I hold off on buying the N or taking any action to CTB. But I'm still miserable and badly want to die, so much so that thoughts of it help me get through each day. I just don't have much energy for life, which ironically is keeping me alive. I just took my first shower in 3 days and I had to lie down at times.

I'm so tired of being alive, but too tired to CTB

I was here all December.... Everything you wrote. I started to feel subhuman ... All I can tell you is that my head felt clearer when I cleaned my room and ran water through my hair. I also felt better in the presence of other people ... Even just went to a bar for drinks alone... Depression feels like death so being around other living beings lifts you a bit

 

[suffering]

I slept about ~12h today. Haven't showered in a while neither. I got dizzy in the shower recently, I had to get out all wet and lay down in bed. I'm a walking corpse.

 

[21Neberg]

I slept about ~12h today. Haven't showered in a while neither. I got dizzy in the shower recently, I had to get out all wet and lay down in bed. I'm a walking corpse.

I know the feeling... I cut myself in the shower sometimes and if I lose a certain amount of blood I start to feel dizzy too. I remember I used to enjoy showering... nowadays I don't many things anymore. I hope you will have a nice day tomorrow though.

 

[suffering]

I cut myself in the shower

I never understood why people do this. I understand other addictions because they lower consciousness, like alcohol. But self harm seems to have no positive side effects. Would you mind sharing some insight? Only if you feel comfortable. I hope you will have a better day too.

 

[Redt2go]

I slept about ~12h today. Haven't showered in a while neither. I got dizzy in the shower recently, I had to get out all wet and lay down in bed. I'm a walking corpse.

Have you been eating? You're probably dizzy bc your blood sugar is so low. I started feeling less dead when I ate. In the pits of my depression though I had no appetite and all my food tasted like nothing.... Even the spiciest food.

TL/DR- eat something if your dizzy

 

[suffering]

I had no appetite and all

Yes, same here. I have no appetite, yet I am hungry all the time. It sounds like 'first world problems', but it can get very frustrating. I'm forcing myself to eat food that has no appeal to me.

 

[Pipe11]

I never understood why people do this. I understand other addictions because they lower consciousness, like alcohol. But self harm seems to have no positive side effects. Would you mind sharing some insight? Only if you feel comfortable. I hope you will have a better day too.

It is considered adictive

 

[Redt2go]

Yes, same here. I have no appetite, yet I am hungry all the time. It sounds like 'first world problems', but it can get very frustrating. I'm forcing myself to eat food that has no appeal to me.

Yeah if you can't force yourself to eat at least drink loads of juice so you don't dehydrate... Depression does not discriminate

 

[Roberto]

It's like, as long as I can sleep a lot and don't have to do anything, I hold off on buying the N or taking any action to CTB. But I'm still miserable and badly want to die, so much so that thoughts of it help me get through each day. I just don't have much energy for life, which ironically is keeping me alive. I just took my first shower in 3 days and I had to lie down at times.

I'm so tired of being alive, but too tired to CTB

Give yourself time. It is never too late to CTB. I have been the way you say I think. These days I don't have a shower for a week or even more and wear the same clothes.
I go to the psychologist & psychiatrist. I started to take antidepressive pills 5 days ago. To see if I can have more energy. But the only thing I get for the moment is waking up earlier.
I'm sorry about what you feel. I can just give you a big hug. If I could say anything that makes me comfortable may be would be, thanks for being yourself & have existed.

 

[Faulisdead]

I slept about ~12h today. Haven't showered in a while neither. I got dizzy in the shower recently, I had to get out all wet and lay down in bed. I'm a walking corpse.

I feel the same! I wish I could sleep for longer, but I have homework to do.Homework that I can't even focus on...
It's also snowing really hard, so I can't wven go outside. I'm just so exhausted and tired.

 

[21Neberg]

I never understood why people do this. I understand other addictions because they lower consciousness, like alcohol. But self harm seems to have no positive side effects. Would you mind sharing some insight? Only if you feel comfortable. I hope you will have a better day too.

Everyone cuts for different reasons, but I'd be more than happy to shed some light on why I personally do it.

I cut myself every day. It calms me down so much, it clears my mind. I love the blood, I love the scars. Whenever something bad happens in my life, or just something that makes me feel a bit more sad than usual, my first reaction is "I'm going to cut." Basically, cutting is the only way I have to deal with these emotions. Loneliness, anger, sadness, hatred. It's all solved with a blade for me.

 

[crova]

Everyone cuts for different reasons, but I'd be more than happy to shed some light on why I personally do it.

I cut myself every day. It calms me down so much, it clears my mind. I love the blood, I love the scars. Whenever something bad happens in my life, or just something that makes me feel a bit more sad than usual, my first reaction is "I'm going to cut." Basically, cutting is the only way I have to deal with these emotions. Loneliness, anger, sadness, hatred. It's all solved with a blade for me.

Every time you mention blood and cuting - my skin crawls.
this is where I would never understand you... Im sorry
[I cant stand seeing blood in any form outside of any body, human or animal]

 

[Roadkill]

I like to sleep a lot... it's my only respite from this nightmare called life.. every night I pray that I won't wake up , but I keep waking up.. I wish I could have a fatal heart attack in my sleep

 

[MachineGunDani]

I feel the same @DyingToCTB. We could get together and sleep! Lol

 

[cherub]

I certainly can relate, as I'm experiencing similiar at the moment. No need to rush. In situations like this, I personally continue living but still have my ticket to CTB always available just in case. There's some comfort in knowing it's an option, even if it's not immediate. Whatever you do I hope you feel at peace with your decision, living or choosing otherwise.

 

[creationisdeath]

Everyone cuts for different reasons, but I'd be more than happy to shed some light on why I personally do it.

I cut myself every day. It calms me down so much, it clears my mind. I love the blood, I love the scars. Whenever something bad happens in my life, or just something that makes me feel a bit more sad than usual, my first reaction is "I'm going to cut." Basically, cutting is the only way I have to deal with these emotions. Loneliness, anger, sadness, hatred. It's all solved with a blade for me.

I love the blood and the sensation of it covering your skin, but I hate the scars and the aftercare. I have huge troubles just with daily routine up to a point where I don't even cut anymore because I have no energy to take care of the mess. If you don't the scars will be raised a lot more.

For one second only this exists. Calming and exhilarating at the same time.

 

[21Neberg]

If you don't the scars will be raised a lot more

That explain a bit... I dont take care of them at all besides wiping the blood away. Some of my scars are brown-ish and some are raised.

 

[creationisdeath]

That explain a bit... I dont take care of them at all besides wiping the blood away. Some of my scars are brown-ish and some are raised.

Sounds stupid but a SH board (that eventually got banned) had a "great tip": if you can't afford the "professional" medical product, any strong enough tape closes gaps too. Even if you don't do anything else, that makes a difference.

 

[21Neberg]

Sounds stupid but a SH board (that eventually got banned) had a "great tip": if you can't afford the "professional" medical product, any strong enough tape closes gaps too. Even if you don't do anything else, that makes a difference.

That's a great tip! I don't think my scars are that deep though.

 

[NoOneKnows]

Give yourself time. It is never too late to CTB. I have been the way you say I think. These days I don't have a shower for a week or even more and wear the same clothes.
I go to the psychologist & psychiatrist. I started to take antidepressive pills 5 days ago. To see if I can have more energy. But the only thing I get for the moment is waking up earlier.
I'm sorry about what you feel. I can just give you a big hug. If I could say anything that makes me comfortable may be would be, thanks for being yourself & have existed.

beautifully said, I pretended it was said to me and felt sense of warmth for a while. thank you

 

[Struggling]

I have a love hate relationship with food atm. Everything seems to hard to do. I stay in bed watching rubbish trying to summon up the courage to ctb. I try every once in a while. My mind shuts down but then I comeback to reality which sucks

 

[throwaway123]

It's like, as long as I can sleep a lot and don't have to do anything, I hold off on buying the N or taking any action to CTB. But I'm still miserable and badly want to die, so much so that thoughts of it help me get through each day. I just don't have much energy for life, which ironically is keeping me alive. I just took my first shower in 3 days and I had to lie down at times.

I'm so tired of being alive, but too tired to CTB

Same here bro