Venting I want to CTB, is that selfish?

[Shizzy617]

I really want to CTB, like, right now. But in my other attempts, i saw how my friends and family were. And i'm just so scared, because i just want to have peace, but i have to leave EVERYTHING behind, it's making me go crazy. This is the only place i can talk about it. When i say that i want to CTB my friends says nice things like " We love you ", " don't do it, we will miss you " or my family just says " you're so selfish ", i just think that if i do that they'll think that i'm selfish, or that i am a bad friend
Every time i vent to my friends it seems like i'm forcing them to hear me, even tho they said it's okay. My aunt said that she's going to take me to a therapist, but i doubt that this would help me, she also thinks i'm selfish, i just don't know what to do anymore...
I'm so freaking selfish

 

[FieldsofLavender]

I understand how you feel, I also feel really selfish for wanting it... I honestly don't think you're being selfish just by wanting it. I don't think it does any good to beat yourself up about it, that's what I've been told, ehehe! I think it's really rude of your family to call you selfish, as it's not really something you can control; you just want to stop being, I assume, not to hurt them. I'm sorry, I know how hard things like this are, my family and friends are both the same way, ehehe...

 

[jodes2]

Well, yes, suicide is a bit of a selfish act. But that doesn't mean it's wrong. Besides, it's done out of desperation. People do selfish things all the time. Your family saying you're selfish were themselves being selfish. It's a two way street. They certainly weren't being understanding. You have to decide if it's right for you. Are you prepared to be selfish? Does your suffering make it ok? It's a journey of reflection you need to embark on. It's good that you're thinking about it. It needs to be carefully, rationally thought out. How will everyone cope when you're gone? How many people will you be hurting? Is it fair? If I don't do it, will they help me recover? Maybe you can ask friends and family to help support you recover, rather than snapping back with unhelpful criticisms. Tell them that the things they said weren't helpful and are counterproductive. That they're not showing empathy for what you're going through, and these are automatic thoughts you're having due to suffering, not because you're selfish. In fact, you're strongly considering their feelings and they should be grateful that you're not being impulsive.

 

[YuckyDucky]

Honestly, if there is anything that anybody has the right to be selfish about, it is their own literal life. The decision to CTB or not to is and should be about you. So yeah, I guess its selfish, but I'd argue its also selfish for someone to expect you to not do it without regard to your feelings.

 

[bennydiazapine]

I don't think it's selfish the way people put it.

I kinda think of it like jumping out of a burning building... that's what it feels like

 

[Lonerzepam]

It's selfish but also not selfiesh at the same time. You want something, they want something. But it's not an easy decision for sure. I also consider I'd break some peoples heart with it. So I know what you're saying. It's also weird cuz my family "somehow" supports or rather accept AS or Suicide in general. But when it comes to someone they care like me it's a whole different story. I guess it's natural. But if you're life sucks to the point where you just wanna go to sleep forever it's only understandable. Still it's such a difficult decision. You said you're going to a therapist but doubt it'll do something. I don't wanna sound pro life or something but the fact that you'd atleast try it to see if it actually helps maybe is a sign you're still trying to search for a better life. I could be wrong though only you can know for sure. I'd recommend to also check out the recovery section and mega thread there's a spoiler button at the end withreally helpfull information of recovery traditional and not traditional I'll leave the link for you here.

Recovery and Crisis Resource Compilation

The following are resources for you to reach out for help and support. We encourage you to seek recovery and be happy. Different resources work for different people, so we encourage you try several until you find what you need. Your happiness comes first. The list has been created from...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Anyways best of luck friend I hope you can figure it out someday like me

 

[Pluto]

The word selfish can be unhelpful here for a few reasons. If people are functioning as a 'self', then everything everyone does is by definition selfish. I had selfish reasons for cooking myself dinner tonight. I have selfish reasons for wishing to make the world a better place. And sure enough, my death will be selfish too. But it doesn't mean much.

The other issue is that selfishness in this context has harsh, judgmental connotations. Sometimes this sense of guilt and shame actually drives people over the edge to CTB, which is why labels of condemnation like this can be harmful and distort our thinking.

We all have to make our own choices, and your concern about the effect your death will have on others is the very definition of unselfish. I would consider taking up the offer of therapy and making an effort. This leads us to a place where there is either a genuine pathway out of this darkness, or we can truly say that we've tried everything and can decisively leave this world with a clean conscience.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'd say wanting it isn't selfish. How is it selfish to be want to be free of pain? Most people want to do it in order to escape- not to gain something. Surely, it's more selfish to say- no- you need to stay around and suffer, so that I don't feel sad.

The actual act though- that's difficult because it will very likely upset people. We are in effect putting our own needs over other people's when we go ahead with it.

Still- I'd say birthing a new life into this world without their permission is FAR more selfish than choosing to take your own life. I imagine people spend much longer contemplating killing themselves- partly because of the emotional turmoil it will likely cause, than they do about having children. A poll I did the other day revealed that nearly 70% of people here have been suicidal for over 6 years! I expect some of those people (me included) are mainly hanging on so as not to upset others. I REALLY wish people would think about that when they start spouting remarks that suicide and suicidal thoughts are selfish.

I suppose it's only natural that people will try and hold onto you. Their hope undoubtably isn't that you'll just go on being unhappy but that your life will improve. I don't know what to say really. It's such a personal decision to make. Only you really know how much you can or, are willing to cope with. If you have the strength- perhaps you could try the therapy thing. At least then, you can say that you've tried- for them. Still- it can only ever be up to you at the end of the day. I wish you all the best- whatever you decide.

 

[ExtraItem]

The way I look at it someone wanting someone else to live in suffering or pain so they themselves don't have to feel the pain of losing that person is a lot more worthy of being called selfish than someone who just wants an out from a life they didn't ask to have. You shouldn't have to live miserable so that someone else can stay happy let alone get berated and called selfish for not wanting to do so. I wouldn't expect someone who doesn't experience the pain you yourself or others who want to CTB may be going through to see it this way though. To them they see it as you being a direct cause of their misery whereas they feel they have nothing to do with yours.

I would still suggest that you give the therapy a try before going through with it. At least you would have exhausted all options and can then be at peace.

 

[HybridSpectre]

Don't care about what other people think about you or what you do. People pretend to care and love you when they hear that you're suicidal. Where were they when you were going through shit and got to the point you're at now. If you look at many funerals, you'll find very many people attending them claiming to 'grieve' a lost 'loved' one. People the departed never even knew. So the question for these people is where were you when the departed person was suffering? If those people were absent while he was still alive cause they didn't give a shit about him, then his death shouldn't mean anything to them. So no, it's not selfish to look for peace in death because you found this life was full of pain. It's selfish for people wanting you to stay in suffering when you have a way out if it, but doing nothing to alleviate it while you're still alive.

 

[Darkover]

Selfishness is pleasuring ones self without regard for others well-being, in other words bring someone alive against his or her wishes, i know i'd never want to exist in such appalling conditions heres to the end for all time i can only hope

 

[Ernest1964]

I've heard this selfish argument before. I feel that being told that suicide is selfish is manipulative way for the other person to handle the information. I think about all the times that I have "given" positively in my life, I'm a teacher and trust me, I have given plenty of positivity in my life... I'm OK with being a bit or even a lot selfish with the decision to CTB. I've given and I'm almost done giving and when I am completely done... Good bye, time to CTB.

 

[ilovecats]

Wanting to CBT is as selfish as encouraging a suicidal person to not CBT. On one hand, you want to be free with the cost of hurting others and on the other hand are those who want to keep you alive with the cost of keeping you on this hellpit to suffer. Some people just can't live happy and fulfilling lives and, sadly, not everybody understands that, and I don't say everybody should. In most cases, the more selfish one gets what they want, so, if you believe that cbt is what you truthly need, you have to completely stop thinking about others, which is selfish, but not morally wrong.

 

[FuneralCry]

No matter what, despite what people say there could never be anything wrong with choosing to voluntarily leave this world. Existence isn't an obligation and if people don't want to lose family members to suicide they shouldn't do the selfish and shameful thing of choosing to procreate in the first place. I believe that the whole "suicide is selfish", argument is used by pro suffering people to guilt trip and try to force people into staying here.
It disgusts me when people try to make others feel bad for simply wishing to end an existence that they never even asked for. But anyway, suicide is a personal decision that can only be made by the individual, and it's nothing to do with anybody else, they have no say in it and they have no right to interfere.

 

[Shizzy617]

It's selfish but also not selfiesh at the same time. You want something, they want something. But it's not an easy decision for sure. I also consider I'd break some peoples heart with it. So I know what you're saying. It's also weird cuz my family "somehow" supports or rather accept AS or Suicide in general. But when it comes to someone they care like me it's a whole different story. I guess it's natural. But if you're life sucks to the point where you just wanna go to sleep forever it's only understandable. Still it's such a difficult decision. You said you're going to a therapist but doubt it'll do something. I don't wanna sound pro life or something but the fact that you'd atleast try it to see if it actually helps maybe is a sign you're still trying to search for a better life. I could be wrong though only you can know for sure. I'd recommend to also check out the recovery section and mega thread there's a spoiler button at the end withreally helpfull information of recovery traditional and not traditional I'll leave the link for you here.

Recovery and Crisis Resource Compilation

The following are resources for you to reach out for help and support. We encourage you to seek recovery and be happy. Different resources work for different people, so we encourage you try several until you find what you need. Your happiness comes first. The list has been created from...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Anyways best of luck friend I hope you can figure it out someday like me

Thank you so much <3

I understand how you feel, I also feel really selfish for wanting it... I honestly don't think you're being selfish just by wanting it. I don't think it does any good to beat yourself up about it, that's what I've been told, ehehe! I think it's really rude of your family to call you selfish, as it's not really something you can control; you just want to stop being, I assume, not to hurt them. I'm sorry, I know how hard things like this are, my family and friends are both the same way, ehehe...

Thanks, it's good (?) to know that at least some people understand what i go trough :)