Venting I want to CTB but I’m worried about what I’m leaving behind

[InaudibleEcho]

I have everything set up to CTB and I'm actually super excited. Like, I can't wait to know what being dead feels like and the fuzzy feeling when the belt is around my neck thrills me. I almost let it take over but changed my mind. Not SI, I just changed my mind about doing it right now.
It's because I still have things to do in the living world. I mean, I have summer assignments left to do, I've written notes before but they're not very recent, and I updated my art fight profile for this year's round. I want to CTB but I'm afraid I won't be able to rest until I get all of that done. Which means at least after the entire month of July and that's only if I cram 6 assignments in that short period of time whilst participating in art fight.
Should I even care? I mean, if there's any chance I'll still have consciousness after death somehow, It'll definitely be on my mind.

 

[MrDarkness]

Not being rude or anything, but maybe it's not your time, like what I'm saying is maybe you feel you still have purpose such as tho assignments

 

[day]

In my opinion I would do what you feel should be done while you're here. Serve your purpose and you may find more. I hope either way you do what makes you happiest OP.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I want to CTB but I'm afraid I won't be able to rest until I get all of that done.

"When you're not done with your stuff here you'll not find peace in death" Sounds logic to me although this is also the point where beliefs are kicking in. None of us knows what comes after death and nobody ever returned to us who really did the last step behind the NDE experience. At least you have your method chosen and it's ready should the time come and this can already be a relief. I really hope you can find peace!

 

[90starve]

if there is still stuff you want to do - go ahead and do it. you might as well :) you can still CTB any time, knowing that you've completed what you wanted to complete.

 

[InaudibleEcho]

Update: I feel like I'm being forced to stay alive. Like I'm not allowed to die because there's so many things I need to do and I'll never rest easy until I do them. It's making it impossible for me to sleep. CTB would be so fun but I can't. I can't because of my summer assignments. I can't because I signed up for art fight. I can't because my suicide note isn't good enough. All I want is to rest.

 

[clicmsf]

This is exactly what SI does. You'll feel like you still have things to do. SI tries to give you purpose or responsibilities which you might think "must" be done before commiting. After all, we can't defeat our subconscious mind. SI will keep you busy with responsibilities until you finally find a reason to stay alive and live for. That's why a lot of people won't attempt ctb after trying once. We can't trick our subconscious mind and unless ctb happens in an instant, it's very difficult to do. That's why most of the ctb cases are with firearms, they are fast and your mind doesn't have enough time to convince you to stay. I hope you can escape this feeling of being trapped and actually achieve what you like in life. I'd say do everything that you feel like you need to do, and then try to make a decision.
Stay safe

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess that after all only you know when the time is right to leave, but anyway the reality is that we all have to die and leave everything behind someday, in death everything will finally be forgotten about and this existence won't even be a distant memory, whatever happens in this world after we are gone could just never be our concern. Existence is just a meaningless and insignifcant distraction from the fact that death is inevitable, we are only waiting around to die.