I want to CTB but fear death

[Sigh_Sigh_Sigh]

I want to CTB but fear death. Has anyone attempted to CTB and remember how exactly it felt to almost die then be brought back to life?

Also would your experience stop you from trying to CTB again?

 

[trist]

i made an impulsive attempt two years ago. it felt awful physically but mentally i was actually feeling amazing. i remember lying in the hospital and constantly checking the heart rate monitor and getting excited whenever it dropped. i wasn't scared at all, i was just hoping to still die despite being hospitalized. after not dying i got to an extremely low point and my ctb urges got worse, so it doesn't stop me from attempting again (although next time will be thoroughly planned and i'll succeed for sure).

 

[SanctionedSquad]

I am also very scared of death, but much more of life.
I nearly died on a heroin+xanax overdose and everything got blurry and I slept, it was like a deep sleep until I got reanimated, I am pretty sure death is like that.
I am still really scared to ctb but I am much more scared of my future life and I will die anyway and at least my death will be painless and I will skip more pain.