Venting I want to be taken seriously

[Alexa]

I don't know if I'm going to kill myself. I don't know the risk of me actually doing it. I just know that it's probably going to happen eventually.
I want to get better and recover, if it can happen then I want it to. But I feel like when I say I want to kill myself nobody hears me, they just tell me they want to see me in the future, they want me to be happy, "if I had a magic wand" and all that shit but they don't hear me. Even if they did what could they do? I don't even know what I want to hear anymore.
I think I might just attempt in a way that's obviously not going to work or something. Like taking 20 paracetamols and a shitload of cold and flu tablets and pretend I didn't know that it wouldn't kill me. I don't know. I don't want to be in hospital again. This is the first weekend I haven't for two weeks. Maybe I'll wait. Maybe I'll just get it over with. Maybe I should just accept that there is no future for people like me.

 

[Pointlessabyss]

I don't know if I'm going to kill myself. I don't know the risk of me actually doing it. I just know that it's probably going to happen eventually.
I want to get better and recover, if it can happen then I want it to. But I feel like when I say I want to kill myself nobody hears me, they just tell me they want to see me in the future, they want me to be happy, "if I had a magic wand" and all that shit but they don't hear me. Even if they did what could they do? I don't even know what I want to hear anymore.
I think I might just attempt in a way that's obviously not going to work or something. Like taking 20 paracetamols and a shitload of cold and flu tablets and pretend I didn't know that it wouldn't kill me. I don't know. I don't want to be in hospital again. This is the first weekend I haven't for two weeks. Maybe I'll wait. Maybe I'll just get it over with. Maybe I should just accept that there is no future for people like me.

I think that's what a lot of us are hear for, deciding wether we want to or not, best way etc. It's good that you want to get better and it's good that you don't want to be in hospital again!

Unfortunatley I haven't got any answers for you as I'm just like you aimless wondering hoping I just find my place in life. Maybe we ll find it one day maybe we won't, just enjoy the adventure on the way!

 

[PatKat]

I don't know if I'm going to kill myself. I don't know the risk of me actually doing it. I just know that it's probably going to happen eventually.
I want to get better and recover, if it can happen then I want it to. But I feel like when I say I want to kill myself nobody hears me, they just tell me they want to see me in the future, they want me to be happy, "if I had a magic wand" and all that shit but they don't hear me. Even if they did what could they do? I don't even know what I want to hear anymore.
I think I might just attempt in a way that's obviously not going to work or something. Like taking 20 paracetamols and a shitload of cold and flu tablets and pretend I didn't know that it wouldn't kill me. I don't know. I don't want to be in hospital again. This is the first weekend I haven't for two weeks. Maybe I'll wait. Maybe I'll just get it over with. Maybe I should just accept that there is no future for people like me.

I hear you :)

 

[Kaput]

Hey @Alexa dont hurt yourself :( Your voice matters, your choices matter. Sending hugs.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I don't know if I'm going to kill myself. I don't know the risk of me actually doing it. I just know that it's probably going to happen eventually.
I want to get better and recover, if it can happen then I want it to. But I feel like when I say I want to kill myself nobody hears me, they just tell me they want to see me in the future, they want me to be happy, "if I had a magic wand" and all that shit but they don't hear me. Even if they did what could they do? I don't even know what I want to hear anymore.
I think I might just attempt in a way that's obviously not going to work or something. Like taking 20 paracetamols and a shitload of cold and flu tablets and pretend I didn't know that it wouldn't kill me. I don't know. I don't want to be in hospital again. This is the first weekend I haven't for two weeks. Maybe I'll wait. Maybe I'll just get it over with. Maybe I should just accept that there is no future for people like me.

I totally understand how you feel. I feel the same … I just want it to end. I do hope that you find peace.
People don't really understand wanting to die unless they feel that way themselves. They just tell you to "It will get better" or other useless shit.

 

[Jynxer]

I don't know if I'm going to kill myself. I don't know the risk of me actually doing it. I just know that it's probably going to happen eventually.
I want to get better and recover, if it can happen then I want it to. But I feel like when I say I want to kill myself nobody hears me, they just tell me they want to see me in the future, they want me to be happy, "if I had a magic wand" and all that shit but they don't hear me. Even if they did what could they do? I don't even know what I want to hear anymore.
I think I might just attempt in a way that's obviously not going to work or something. Like taking 20 paracetamols and a shitload of cold and flu tablets and pretend I didn't know that it wouldn't kill me. I don't know. I don't want to be in hospital again. This is the first weekend I haven't for two weeks. Maybe I'll wait. Maybe I'll just get it over with. Maybe I should just accept that there is no future for people like me.

It sucks to be in such a bad place, I know that feeling. I have had those people in my life too who said those generic responses. I'm not here to judge anyone, but I know if you're unsure about Ctb, then don't do it yet. If you want to get help, then try, if you can. I know how hard it can be to get help, as I have been trying for years, only to get useless people sitting across from me. It's frustrating, I know.

I haven't been in this site for long, but it seems like a lot of people are here to listen, without judgement. I hope you can find some peace