Venting I want my girlfriend to join me?

[dyr]

I apologize if this is in the wrong category, I'm new here.

since I'm gonna ctb either way I want my gf to join me cuz if I left her alone she has told me she would want to ctb too but when I've brought it up she doesn't want me to do it. I feel like it's not good for me to try to convince her to do it too but I'm gonna do it regardless and I don't want her to suffer after I go. idk what to do about this. any advice would be appreciated.

 

[livingdeadgrl]

I think the "right" thing to do is say that you are serious about it and really intend to do it soon, and tell her if she wants to CTB too, she have to tell you now. Don't ask, just warn.
But if you tell her, the chances that she will tell someone like your parents, your friends, her friends, anybody who can interfere is incredibly high. That's not necessarily bad if recovery still an option for you.

You can't just die and not let your girlfriend sad. It's impossible.
But convince her to CTB with you is not fair, and you know that. If she wants to do it, have to be her conscious decision, not an impulsive act because she's desesperate to lose you.

*Just a remind that I'm a stranger on the internet and I know nothing about your relationship, don't take it too seriously*

 

[dyr]

I think the "right" thing to do is say that you are serious about it and really intend to do it soon, and tell her if she wants to CTB too, she have to tell you now. Don't ask, just warn.
But if you tell her, the chances that she will tell someone like your parents, your friends, her friends, anybody who can interfere is incredibly high. That's not necessarily bad if recovery still an option for you.

You can't just die and not let your girlfriend sad. It's impossible.
But convince her to CTB with you is not fair, and you know that. If she wants to do it, have to be her conscious decision, not an impulsive act because she's desesperate to lose you.

*Just a remind that I'm a stranger on the internet and I know nothing about your relationship, don't take it too seriously*

I have talked about it with her and she just wants me to stay with her. I want to stay with her too but not in this world. I'm in the middle of moving out of my mom's house so I don't have a concrete plan rn but I'll probly use the SN method.
idk. I'm just trying to cause her the least amount of pain when I go and if she's gonna ctb because of me I'd want to do it together.
she's told me that if she were to die she'd want to do it with me.
she has suicidal thoughts too she's just not as ready to go as I am.

 

[nozomu]

I apologize if this is in the wrong category, I'm new here.

since I'm gonna ctb either way I want my gf to join me cuz if I left her alone she has told me she would want to ctb too but when I've brought it up she doesn't want me to do it. I feel like it's not good for me to try to convince her to do it too but I'm gonna do it regardless and I don't want her to suffer after I go. idk what to do about this. any advice would be appreciated.

My partner occasionally mentions in passing suicidal ideation, but I feel like he's not super serious about it. He does tell me he doesn't want me to CTB. I think I'd be open to going with him, but personally, I'd rather live life and experience it with him. That's probably how she feels too.

You may need to leave her if you're serious about going.

 

[livingdeadgrl]

I have talked about it with her and she just wants me to stay with her. I want to stay with her too but not in this world. I'm in the middle of moving out of my mom's house so I don't have a concrete plan rn but I'll probly use the SN method.
idk. I'm just trying to cause her the least amount of pain when I go and if she's gonna ctb because of me I'd want to do it together.
she's told me that if she were to die she'd want to do it with me.
she has suicidal thoughts too she's just not as ready to go as I am.

Hmmm I still don't think it's fair to try to convince her. In my head having suicidal thoughts and really plan and intend to do it are two separated things, it's crossing a line, you can spend your entire life wanting to die and never actually do something. I don't know if that's make sense for you.
I still in love with my ex, I would blindly do anything for him (because I'm too emocional dependent), so I feel like using that power to convince her is kind of chantage. See, I may be completely wrong, I know you have the best intentions, I really do, but it doesn't change the situation here.

 

[dyr]

Hmmm I still don't think it's fair to try to convince her. In my head having suicidal thoughts and really plan and intend to do it are two separated things, it's crossing a line, you can spend your entire life wanting to die and never actually do something. I don't know if that's make sense for you.
I still in love with my ex, I would blindly do anything for him (because I'm too emocional dependent), so I feel like using that power to convince her is kind of chantage. See, I may be completely wrong, I know you have the best intentions, I really do, but it doesn't change the situation here.

I don't want to convince her. I just know that she is so emotionally dependent on me and she even told me that she would ctb if I died. I just want to do whatever is gonna cause her the least amount of anguish after I'm gone.

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

I apologize if this is in the wrong category, I'm new here.

since I'm gonna ctb either way I want my gf to join me cuz if I left her alone she has told me she would want to ctb too but when I've brought it up she doesn't want me to do it. I feel like it's not good for me to try to convince her to do it too but I'm gonna do it regardless and I don't want her to suffer after I go. idk what to do about this. any advice would be appreciated.

i wouldnt try to convince her, i think that would be wrong. if she wants to ctb that would have to be her own choice, not your's. and if she doesnt want to, respect her decision. if you dont want her to suffer from grief, then you might want to reconsider your plans

 

[Vuxin]

This post hits pretty close, I plan to ctb with my SO this coming week, from my personal experience you shouldn't try to convince her I agree with everyone else in the comments but you should sit her down and explain your reasoning as to why you want to ctb and how you wouldn't want it to affect her, also explain why you would want her to ctb with you but don't be pushy or come off as if she has to and has no other choice.

 

[mafuyu]

This post hits pretty close, I plan to ctb with my SO this coming week, from my personal experience you shouldn't try to convince her I agree with everyone else in the comments but you should sit her down and explain your reasoning as to why you want to ctb and how you wouldn't want it to affect her, also explain why you would want her to ctb with you but don't be pushy or come off as if she has to and has no other choice.

Hope you two find peace together <3

I wish my SO would do this with me. I could have everything in the world and still want to CTB. I've written about the subject before. I wish my SO was as stupid as me. Or as traumatized, or whatever word is applicable at the moment. Gotta love internal turmoil.

 

[Kobusu]

I apologize if this is in the wrong category, I'm new here.

since I'm gonna ctb either way I want my gf to join me cuz if I left her alone she has told me she would want to ctb too but when I've brought it up she doesn't want me to do it. I feel like it's not good for me to try to convince her to do it too but I'm gonna do it regardless and I don't want her to suffer after I go. idk what to do about this. any advice would be appreciated.

I think things like these are pretty complicated. Convincing someone to die is never the answer, nor is leaving them behind. I wish I had an easy answer for you. I think, if she wants to live for you, all I could suggest is live for her as long as you can. I know it's not what you or anyone wants to hear, I just don't know what the "right" answer is. I'm sorry, friend.

 

[Disaster]

It's pretty simple, just not easy: part of being an adult person is being able to make various choices for oneself, including the ones that cause suffering to oneself. Damn, you are not allowed to try to convince a person to have sex with you if the person doesn't want to - so how trying to convince a person to kill themselves could be okay?
Also, suicide pacts are a crime everywhere or almost everywhere in the world. So if one person in a pact does die and the other does not, the surviving one is guilty of a manslaughter. Would you accept such a risk to her just to not be alone when you CTB? I totally get the "I don't want to be alone when doing it" part, but it's not a decent thing to do to anyone.
You are basically discussing here killing another person. Who doesn't consent to it. That really closes the topic, it's not an acceptable thing regardless of how unfit for life is this person according to your opinions. I wish you could die peacefully with N or something if you exhausted all the options, holding her hand, and she could join you later if she wants. But of course it's not possible in this messed up world. Certainly this can't be fixed by convincing a person who does not want to CTB to do it at the time you want to. I think the community should be very firm about here, as I'm sure this place is supposed to be about respecting (to an extreme extend, some would say), suicidal persons body autonomy. You are asking us to help with something completely opposite, and everyone with some common sense and any ethical standards should refuse.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just don't really think that it's the best idea to be open about suicide with others and involve them in suicide plans, it will likely just lead to complications. It's better to just plan to die alone if one wishes to be gone and anyway suicide is a personal decision which is nothing to do with anyone else.

 

[wuhwowthisis]

Don't involve others. You can't change what she does afterwards if you truly go through with it. I'm still around for my bf and my friends and I know he would be absolutely broken if I left and that's something I factor heavily into my decision making about it. She might live a full life afterwards and that's the dream isn't it, for our loved ones to move on but hopefully remember us.

Take care, wishing you and your gf the best <3

 

[SexyIncél]

Might consider other options. Like help her get a replacement boyfriend. You may also be at risk of her stopping you if you disclose your plans

 

[Venus13]

Leave her be. You can't predict how she will do when you go. It's her decision alone. Convincing her to die is unnecessary and honestly not the best thing to do in a distressing time.

 

[Disaster]

Might consider other options. Like help her get a replacement boyfriend. You may also be at risk of her stopping you if you disclose your plans

Omg, please, it's a human being, not a dog to rehome. Not believing that she can, despite of the suffering, make her own choices, sounds kinda toxic.

 

[SexyIncél]

Omg, please, it's a human being, not a dog to rehome. Not believing that she can, despite of the suffering, make her own choices, sounds kinda toxic.

Even here, we help suffering dogs more than humans? And employees more than lovers?

Anyway, not only did I say "help" (we're here to help each other, right?), I said "consider other options like..." Even if one candidate solution doth not please you, it's best to think outside a binary yes/no and discover other possibilities to satisfy everyone

But then again, who cares? It's only a matter of life & death...

 

[justkenisfine]

I've thought about going with my partner before. They say that they'd "never actually do it" but have also said that their mental illness is going to kill them one day. Like don't get me wrong, totally agree with other commenters that you shouldn't push her, just explain yourself even if the chance of commitment is high. To be honest, even though my partner is about just as suicidal as I am, and I do believe it's a personal choice, I'd probably still call for help if they told me they had a concrete plan, because I think it's kinda like. My job. I think that everyone who generally wants to ctb should've exhausted all other options, and neither them or me have been hospitalized. So I would call emergency services and would hope they'd do the same to me, but if we both felt there was nothing else to do, I think going out together would bring me at least a lot of peace. Sorry if this was rambly lol

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I apologize if this is in the wrong category, I'm new here.

since I'm gonna ctb either way I want my gf to join me cuz if I left her alone she has told me she would want to ctb too but when I've brought it up she doesn't want me to do it. I feel like it's not good for me to try to convince her to do it too but I'm gonna do it regardless and I don't want her to suffer after I go. idk what to do about this. any advice would be appreciated.

You do not take someone else with you. If she wants to go, she can do it after you go, when it is only her decision.

You are right. It is NOT good for you to convince her to do it. Period.

Geez, what's going on here today?

 

[hellispink]

Have a serious conversation. Express to her firmly you will do it with or without her. Then let her choose which path she wants. She might accept or she might join you after. If she doesn't want now, you cannot wait for her really. Cause you two different people and nothing secures you that she will change her mind. You do you.

 

[Disaster]

I've thought about going with my partner before. They say that they'd "never actually do it" but have also said that their mental illness is going to kill them one day. Like don't get me wrong, totally agree with other commenters that you shouldn't push her, just explain yourself even if the chance of commitment is high. To be honest, even though my partner is about just as suicidal as I am, and I do believe it's a personal choice, I'd probably still call for help if they told me they had a concrete plan, because I think it's kinda like. My job. I think that everyone who generally wants to ctb should've exhausted all other options, and neither them or me have been hospitalized. So I would call emergency services and would hope they'd do the same to me, but if we both felt there was nothing else to do, I think going out together would bring me at least a lot of peace. Sorry if this was rambly lol

It's actually perfectly possible to feel like the death from an illness (including mental illness) is likely, and still not wanting to make a decision to ctb. Staying alive is rarely a result of a decision to continue living. Forcing another person to make this decision within a fixed time frame isn't fair. Packing would mean in most jurisdictions, that if one person survives, the other one would be prosecuted for manslaughter. That would be some enormous stress and trauma in that, and no one would accept even a tiniest risk of that happening to a loved one! I wish everyone who simply has decided that living isn't for them could decide to not continue living, without all this crap involved. But well, here we are. You can't talk a person who isn't sure about having sex with you to have sex with you. You can't even talk a person who isn't sure about kissing you to kiss you! You don't push until someone says "yes" or "no", if a person isn't sure, then the person does not consent, it's that simple. In the current situation practically everywhere, "CTB together" option means huge risk and no benefits other than one person making some fantasy come true. If the other person does not consent enthusiastically with no pressure, no convincing etc., then the other person DOES NOT CONSENT. It is really goddamn simple. I know that it's awful that there's no option to have some support when actually doing it, but that's the reality. No compassionate person would make a ctb pact with a loved one. Ancient Romans used to say: the gate is always open. Which meant that they can CTB later. It's okay to have fantasies about CTB together, but any pressure for the other one to "make a decision" is absolutely not okay. Lack of consent is lack of consent. Living without actually making a decision to stay alive is kinda default to most humans, including some suicidal ones.

 

[Dead girl]

I think the "right" thing to do is say that you are serious about it and really intend to do it soon, and tell her if she wants to CTB too, she have to tell you now. Don't ask, just warn.
But if you tell her, the chances that she will tell someone like your parents, your friends, her friends, anybody who can interfere is incredibly high. That's not necessarily bad if recovery still an option for you.

You can't just die and not let your girlfriend sad. It's impossible.
But convince her to CTB with you is not fair, and you know that. If she wants to do it, have to be her conscious decision, not an impulsive act because she's desesperate to lose you.

*Just a remind that I'm a stranger on the internet and I know nothing about your relationship, don't take it too seriously*

dude we got the same username hehehee

 

[depressedlover]

Imo i think it's not wise to convince your So to join you in ctb,the decision is personal and it has to come within her "alone " without convincing,just like love,you can't force someone else to love you or you can't force someone who doesn't love you to love you just because you love them.
Another thing,i think it also depends on the reason for wanting to ctb,if it's only about you and not them,i think it'll be difficult for them to want to join.If it's about you all then that another case.Just let them make the decision alone,don't interfere and also when it's time to go,just leave,if they want to join they'll join.
You can give a person who doesn't want to ctb all the best methods ,including the painless ones and still choose to stay however miserable they might be.From your concerns above i feel you love your SO,just give them the power to make their own decision.I'm sorry maybe my opinion is misguided or misplaced.
Let me leave you with my experience as a reference.

If i had gotten a chance to ctb with my SO when he was doing it,i would have definitely joined them,they didn't need to ask me to join,i would do it on my own willpower but they didn't.But that doesn't stop me from joining them soon.
Remember:
-If they want to join they will.
-Actions speak louder than words: i don't want to hurt your feelings but maybe they were not serious about it,maybe they said it to prevent you from doing it.

I'm sorry for the long message,it's because i relate to it.