Venting I want friends but I also want to be alone

[sometimes.sometimes]

I have always had a hard time making friends for a variety of reasons. There was one point in my life where I had zero friends for a year and a half. A while ago, I put myself out there, and I actually made a friend. We would talk a lot in the beginning, but something I noticed is that I was always first to say, "hello." I brushed it off because sometimes people are too shy to send the first text. It happened every single day, though, so I got to the point where I wasn't going to say hi and see what happens. It has been almost two weeks and I still haven't received a text.

One of my biggest fears in life is being alone, but I also have a fear of getting hurt by people I love and trust. I think after all of that happening, I realize that sometimes you have to give in to your fears, in this case, being alone.

My mom has known for a while about my plans of moving out. She is against the idea along with other members of my family because they are afraid I am going to CTB. I don't know if I will or if I won't. I just know that I have always been better independent. One day, I would like to go out and try to have a social life, but for now, the best thing for me to do is be in solitude.

If I CTB, I am not saying I will, it won't hurt as bad because I was so distant from everyone anyways.

 

[FuneralCry]

I get that loneliness is painful for many but I personally think it's better to be alone as long as one exists here as other people just cannot be relied on and it's true that humans just very often create more suffering and problems. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[ctb★prince]

sending you lots of love, i wish i could offer my friendship to you, but im someone who rarely talks, i keep all of my friends in my head and heart and live in my own world for most of the time, and that's definitely not what you need right now, but if youd like to just chat sometime - im here

still, hope that when you do open yourself to people, you will meet the right people who will make you feel, and be safe, and that you wont be left alone ever again, unless you truly wish to, because peace is just as important

 

[LostinCyberspace]

I had a lot of friends back when I was in school, then my parents moved and I lost contact with all of them, and I also have a hard time making friends. Putting energy into interacting with people leaves me feeling drained, but I guess that's just part of being an introvert. To me, being alone is safer for me because no one can hurt me if I'm just a stranger who is passing by, not forming any attachments to anyone. Moving out on your own could be great if you can afford it, I think it would be cool to work and save up money just to move to someplace like Alaska and never be heard from again. Just totally turning your back on the world.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

i know exactly how this feels lol
sometimes i wish i could just press a switch that makes friends appear and dissapear whenever i need them or need some alone time