potablewater784
Lurker
- Jun 22, 2022
- 47
I don't really write much, so sorry if my thoughts sound disconnected or cut short. I'll start with some history.
When I was a kid, I remember that I would often ask my mom if I could have friends come over to our house, but she would always respond that it was too dirty and wouldn't let me. Because of this, I didn't really have friends growing up and now I have no idea how to form relationships with people. It seemed so unfair to me and I resent her for it. Things got worse for me later when my older sisters went to college. Since they were the only people that I had much of a relationship with, I felt a lot more alone. Of course, I still had my parents and my other sister (who's my twin) but I honestly didn't and still don't have much of a relationship with them.
Fast forward to now and I still don't have friends. That doesn't mean I haven't tried, though. Like when I was in high school, I had some friends that I played Exploding Kittens (it's a great card game) with during lunch. There were two of them that I felt somewhat close to (one of them I actually met in 3rd or 4th grade and hadn't talked to in years, so it was nice to talk to him again) and the other three not so much. I still enjoyed all of their company, though. But those three would cheat a lot and that always angered me, but I didn't really ever say anything and I hate that I didn't. With the other two we made a group on Discord and talked a few times, but I found myself pulling myself away from them because I was afraid of developing too close a relationship with them.
I think that my problem is that I find it way too hard to tell people when they upset me and when I want to be alone. Most of the things that upset me really aren't that serious (such as cheating in a card game) and could be resolved really easily, but I just cant tell people when I'm upset and I have no idea how to do it. The same applies to wanting to be alone, which is a big deal for me because I'm rather introverted
I feel lonely sometimes but it's much better than having friends, I think. I'd love to work out my problems, but I don't even know where to start, since this (and other things) have been a problem for all of my life. And I honestly don't have the motivation to do something like that. I'm just frustrated and kind of sad because I'm just watching life pass me by. Thanks for listening to me vent
When I was a kid, I remember that I would often ask my mom if I could have friends come over to our house, but she would always respond that it was too dirty and wouldn't let me. Because of this, I didn't really have friends growing up and now I have no idea how to form relationships with people. It seemed so unfair to me and I resent her for it. Things got worse for me later when my older sisters went to college. Since they were the only people that I had much of a relationship with, I felt a lot more alone. Of course, I still had my parents and my other sister (who's my twin) but I honestly didn't and still don't have much of a relationship with them.
Fast forward to now and I still don't have friends. That doesn't mean I haven't tried, though. Like when I was in high school, I had some friends that I played Exploding Kittens (it's a great card game) with during lunch. There were two of them that I felt somewhat close to (one of them I actually met in 3rd or 4th grade and hadn't talked to in years, so it was nice to talk to him again) and the other three not so much. I still enjoyed all of their company, though. But those three would cheat a lot and that always angered me, but I didn't really ever say anything and I hate that I didn't. With the other two we made a group on Discord and talked a few times, but I found myself pulling myself away from them because I was afraid of developing too close a relationship with them.
I think that my problem is that I find it way too hard to tell people when they upset me and when I want to be alone. Most of the things that upset me really aren't that serious (such as cheating in a card game) and could be resolved really easily, but I just cant tell people when I'm upset and I have no idea how to do it. The same applies to wanting to be alone, which is a big deal for me because I'm rather introverted
I feel lonely sometimes but it's much better than having friends, I think. I'd love to work out my problems, but I don't even know where to start, since this (and other things) have been a problem for all of my life. And I honestly don't have the motivation to do something like that. I'm just frustrated and kind of sad because I'm just watching life pass me by. Thanks for listening to me vent